“Sure.” Nate worried his lower lip. “I know I’ve said it plenty of times already, but truly, thank you. For the other day, and just now.”
“You’re welcome.” Jared leaned forward, and for a moment Nate thought he was going to reach over and take his hand.
Nate swallowed back the lump that formed in his throat. Was he disappointed? If so, about what? What did he want from Jared or his touch? A friend? Comfort? Someone who’d rub his arm and tell him everything was going to be okay? That he was doing a good job?
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t heard those kinds of words before. Don, Kay, Lee, even Gregg and Abi. But in some ways, it felt as if those were said out of obligation. Jared was practically a stranger, a fresh perspective, a psychology student who maybe saw truths others didn’t.
Nate clasped his hands together. It wasn’t as if Jared had that kind of superpower.
“Anyway.” Jared sat back. “I should go, but, if it’s okay with you, maybe I could stop by for another cocktail some time?”
It was nice to relax and chat with adult company. Nate didn’t do it often enough. He had no siblings, his parents were down in Florida living the high life of their retirement, Don and Kay, though family, weren’t his, and if not for Luka, since Rhea’s passing, would they care as much as they did? Lee was his neighbor, a godsend where Luka was concerned, but a neighbor nonetheless, and before friendship, Gregg and Abi were his employees.
The other adults in his life had been infrequent, brief, physical connections, whose names and faces he doubted he could recall now. He’d never wanted anyone but Rhea. She’d been the only woman he ever loved.
Maybe she will be forever. The only one.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed his preference for male sex partners.
“Are you okay?” Jared asked when Nate didn’t answer.
“What? Oh, yes. Sorry. I think I still have numbers swirling in my head.” He laughed it off. “But yes, definitely. You should come again and bring your friends.” He met Jared’s eyes. “You know they can help my percentages by buying lots of cocktails.”
Jared nodded. “Sounds good.” He did reach out this time, touching the top of Nate’s arm. “Take care. I’ll see you again.”
“Okay.” Nate folded his arms across his chest, lifting one of his hands to wave when Jared glanced back at him. “Bye,” he mouthed. He relaxed his shoulders when the bar door swung closed behind Jared.
“He’s gone?” Pops said from behind Nate, as he collected the empty glasses.
“Yeah. He had something to do.” Nate turned his head, glanced at the clock on the wall behind the bar. “I should probably get going as well. Are you sure you’ll be all right?”
Pops quirked an eyebrow. “Who do you think I am?”
“Retired.” Nate grinned.
“I see now. Luka seems to think he’s funny, too. Must get it from you.”
Nate rubbed the back of his neck. “But, seriously, are you sure this is okay?”
“You said you wanted to spend some extra time with Luka, what’s not to be sure about? Besides, I have your very capable staff on hand if I forget how to pour a beer.”
Nate lowered his head. “Thanks. But promise me, you’ll tell me if I’m asking too much. Last thing I need is Kay on my case.”
Pops drew a cross over his heart with his free hand. “Trust me, I don’t want my wife on my case either.”
Nate nodded. “Okay.”
“So, will Jared be coming again?” Pops asked, resting a hand on his hip, his gaze settling beyond Nate toward the exit.
“I don’t know. He said he might.”
“Maybe when he gets thirsty, hey?” Pops laughed.
Nate exhaled through his nose. “Maybe.”
“He seemed like a great guy. Friendly. Straightforward.”
“He is. Well, I think he is.” Nate smiled. “Luka seems to like him.”
Pops looked at Nate thoughtfully. “I’ve missed that, you know?” He raised the hand in which he held the empty glasses.
“Missed what?”
“You, smiling. Don’t see it enough these days. And certainly not that kind of smile.”
That kind? What did that even mean?
“I don’t get it.” He smiled plenty, didn’t he?
“You know. That smile. It was the one you used to have whenever you looked at my Rhea.”
Guilt ached in Nate’s chest. He unfolded his arms, gripped his ring finger. “Don, that’s not… “ He was surprised when Pops wrapped his hand around his and stopped the twisting of his wedding band.
“It’s been four years, Nate. It’s okay to show that smile for another person. It would have been okay even before now. I’m not saying it should be Jared, I’m not saying it has to be anyone, not if you don’t feel ready. I’m just saying, she wouldn’t mind if you found someone you wanted to smile for. I just want you to remember that.”
Nate tensed his jaw. The bite of grief tightened in the back of his throat. He gripped his ring, resisted the urge to free his hand from beneath Pops’.
“Sorry,” Pops said and withdrew his hand. “You know I’ve crossed the line when you start calling me Don again.”
Nate shook his head. “It’s not you it’s… I know Rhea wasn’t like that. She wasn’t petty or spiteful. I know it but still, sometimes…” He released his hand, stretched his fingers. The dim lights of the bar highlighted the scratches from years of wear on the ring’s silver surface. “It’s hard.”
“Go home,” Pops said.
“You about to tell me my face will make the beer taste bad?” Nate tried to lift himself out of the thick black tar he felt as if he was sinking into.
“No, but Luka is waiting for you, right? Go see your son.”
Nate nodded. “Yeah.” A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. Luka was his reason for not sinking beneath the surface.
Seeing Luka was exactly what he needed.
“Dad, I’m done.”
Nate twisted the science workbook. “You want me to
