“You went? To play bingo? Are you… okay?” Kiera asks, a twinge of concern in her voice.
“Yeah! I mean, I’m fine,” I say quickly, grabbing a pot from inside the oven to fill with water. “And I didn’t really play. I played for my dad. I was forced to go because THE Johnny Carter moved back into town this week.”
“Oh my gosh! I totally forgot that was this week!” Kiera says, surprised. “He’s got a daughter, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I say, Blake and the list popping back into my head. “They came over to help us pack this weekend.”
“Is she cool?”
“Too cool,” I say, thinking of all the jaws that dropped Friday night. Growing up in Hawaii apparently instantly made you way cooler than growing up in Huckabee ever could. Though, I couldn’t help but feel like Blake’s chill demeanor was probably cool just about everywhere.
“She’s nice, too. And she’s in our grade. You’ll definitely like her.”
“Mmm,” Kiera says, her voice distracted. I watch the pot fill slowly with water, knowing she’s about to drag the conversation back to what I was hoping she’d forget about. “So you saw everyone? At the bingo fundraiser?”
I sigh, shutting the water off and lugging the pot over to the stove.
“Look, I know you both needed some space after it happened, but you gotta talk to him, Em! You said you would before I got back from camp, just like I said I would make a move on Todd if he was single. Which I did! You know as well as I do that you have to make things right before school starts, or it’s going to be super weird for all of us,” Kiera says. I know she’s right. If I make things right with Matt, it makes things right for all of us. Jake, and Ryan, and Olivia, and Kiera. No one will have to choose—though for everyone but Kiera it doesn’t seem to have been a hard choice.
“This is just like the other breakups. You’re psyching yourself out. Like last year, when you broke up with him because you thought he was being too clingy. Or the time before that, when you felt like you weren’t focusing on your schoolwork enough.” She rolls her eyes, and the reasons sound even thinner when she says them.
“This one is worse than any of the others,” I argue, turning the dial on the stove top up to boil the pasta water. “Like, way worse. I kissed someone else!”
I cringe as I think back to that night. Matt’s hand finding the small of my waist as he pulls me in for a long kiss, the countdown clock in my head ticking down the seconds until it is over. His voice in my ear, asking if I want to take things to the next level.
His parents were out of town and I was spending the night at his place. Even I could see it made sense. Which was probably why I couldn’t figure out how to tell him no. Since that would’ve meant explaining why my stomach had just sunk to my feet, which… I couldn’t.
So I didn’t say anything. I just stumbled over to Jake, my red dress getting tighter by the second, the Huckabee High gym feeling more and more claustrophobic. I remember sneaking a big drink from his silver flask, the burning taste in my mouth, and Kiera grabbing my hand to pull me into a big group of people. And then the room spinning, a blur of arms and legs, streamers hanging limply from the walls and around the basketball hoops, Matt weaving through the crowd to get to me.
I needed a way out.
My eyes locked with this sophomore guy I’d seen a few times in the hallway, somewhat familiar blue eyes and a buzz cut. I didn’t even stop to think, didn’t even know his name. I just walked right up to him and planted a kiss right on his mouth.
I thought it would be freeing. Doing something I couldn’t take back. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as I came up for air, I knew I’d ruined everything.
“You were drunk!” Kiera exclaims, bringing me back to the aftermath. “Everyone got drunk on that shit that Jake brought to prom. It was his uncle’s homemade apple pie moonshine. You could probably start a car with that stuff.”
“That’s not an excuse, Kiera,” I say, watching the small bubbles appear at the bottom of the pot. As much as I’ve tried to sell myself on that, it isn’t. Alcohol wasn’t what fueled it. And lying isn’t the route I want to take to fix this.
“It sounds like you’re trying to keep everyone mad at you. And you’re always talking about how perfect Matt is, so it just… doesn’t make any sense.”
“I don’t know, okay? Can you just stop bugging me about it!” I blurt without thinking, the frustration I’ve kept pent up from hearing this question asked over and over again in different ways suddenly spilling out.
She just stares at me, her dark eyes serious. “Listen. You’re my best friend, and you know I’ve always got your back, but I’m going to be real with you. If we have to spend senior year smack in the middle of this drama between you and Matt, it’s going to suck. I mean, just think about it. I’ll have to alternate lunch tables! And don’t even get me started on Senior Skip Day. How will we do that without the whole crew together? If we can’t have an awesome Senior Skip Day with our friends, with Jake making his crappy jokes, and Olivia staring at Ryan like the sun comes out of his ass, I’m going to hold a grudge so big, your great-grandchildren are going to feel it.” She pauses, raising her
