“Thanks, Matt.” I reach out to give his arm a squeeze. He closes off just the tiniest bit, a pained wince, but it’s a fraction of what it’s been.
Then Blake grabs my hand, and in a blink the two of us run into the night, dripping our way to the exit, happiness filling my chest. The feel of her hand in mine takes me back to that moment in the pool, her eyes locked on mine, her lips…
I push it away, giving it a name. A source. The rush of the list. That’s all it was. I’d gotten swept up in the experience, the exhilaration of skinny-dipping.
I glance back at Matt and he shakes his head, but he’s smiling. Our first conversation in more than a month. Well, our first good conversation in a month, the list and my mom guiding me in the right direction.
And just like that this night is a step closer to making everything more than right.
Maybe it’s a step to making it better.
17
I spend most of the next day hiding in my room while my dad is on the phone with the real estate agent.
There’s been an offer on the house.
Definitely a bit of a buzzkill after my whirlwind of a night.
I should be packing the last of my stuff, but instead I’m going through the box of my mom’s, laying everything out on the floor around me. I’m still looking for something to help me understand what the list meant to her. I reach out for one of the cassette tapes, even though I have no way to play it, and when I open the plastic box, I see a note taped to the inside in my dad’s messy handwriting.
Let me know if you change your mind. I’ll be waiting.
Yours, Joe
“Let me know if you change your mind”? What did that mean?
I look toward the door, his muffled voice drifting through from the other side. I wish I could talk to him about it, but I don’t even know where to start.
He’d probably have thrown out this entire box if he’d come across it. Just like everything else.
In fact, I’ve been hiding it underneath my bed, surrounding it with other boxes and blankets, because I’m afraid he’ll do just that. He already gets upset with me for “trying to keep too much,” for “making excuses” instead of finishing her closet.
I’m pulled away from the note when my phone screen lights up, buzzing noisily on the floor next to me. Kiera? That’s weird.
It’s Sunday, but I wasn’t expecting a call from her, since she’ll be back from Misty Oasis tomorrow, for our traditional unpack and bake night. I found the perfect carrot cake recipe I know she’ll love.
I reach out, the green accept button transforming into her face.
“Hey!” I say, pushing aside the old soccer T-shirt and the 2000 yearbook to lean back against the foot of my bed. “Noon? Isn’t it a little early for Misty Oasis phone time?”
She nods, holding up a stack of certificates. “End-of-camp awards ceremony is tonight, so I won’t be able to call later.”
“Ooo, fun.” I flash her a big smile. “You’re back tomorrow! I can’t wait.”
She doesn’t say anything. She just bites her lip, looking away. “Listen, Em. I, uh…” Her voice trails off, and my heart sinks straight to the floor. I knew something was weird about this call. Had Matt said something to her? “Todd invited me and a couple of the other counselors to his house, and I said yes and—”
“Hey!” I say, trying to keep the smile on my face. “That’s super cool, Kiera. I’m really happy for you.”
I am happy for her. I mean, it’s her first boyfriend. Of course she wants to spend all the time she can with him.
But I can’t deny the fact that it hurts, the fact that she doesn’t want to come back to Huckabee. To the carrot cake recipe I scoured the internet for, excited for her return, and our annual tradition.
She’s fine and happier being away from here. Being away from me and our current mess of a friend group.
She looks up, her eyes round and hopeful. “Really? Listen, I know we have plans and I haven’t been there to help with all the Matt stuff, and I’m really sorry about that. But I’ll definitely make it up to you.”
I wave my hand like it’s no big deal. “Don’t even worry about it,” I say. “In fact, I think things are finally starting to come together with all of that.”
Kiera leans forward, looking excited. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding enthusiastically. I know I’m overselling, but her expression stirs me on. I picture Matt’s smile yesterday on the pool deck. “I mean, he actually talked to me yesterday.”
“He did?” Kiera is practically squealing.
I nod. “He caught me after-hours skinny-dipping yesterday at the pool—”
“Hold up,” Kiera says, trying to process what I’ve just told her. “You went skinny-dipping?”
“Yeah, with Blake. Anyway, Matt came back because he forgot something, and—”
“Em,” Kiera says, cutting me off. She nods, giving me the same look of admiration that Matt gave me yesterday. A look I haven’t seen in three whole years. From any of my friends. “That’s pretty badass.”
“That’s what Matt said!”
Kiera lets out a long, exaggerated breath, filled with relief. “I am so relieved. I’m going to be honest—I was really worried.”
A wave of guilt washes over me for putting my best friend in the middle of this. But also… a wave of frustration that she’s more excited about this than about seeing me again.
“I’ll be back the day before the Huckabee Lake trip,” she says, talking fast, her voice filled with excitement. “I feel like the trip is going
