Ben ignored the comment about me, obviously refusing to admit to liking me back in the day. Of course, I was too stuck up to realize it then.
“Speaking of, shouldn’t you be at work?” I asked.
My attitude seemed to have a mind of its own when it came to Ben. Gone were my manners, and I was left with only snark and sass. Embarrassed and needing something to do, I shoved a strand of hair behind my ear and caught my fingernail on my hoop earring like a clumsy idiot.
“Ouch,” I muttered, trying to get my finger loose without tearing my earlobe.
“Here.” Ben reached over with his gentle surgeon hands and freed my nail. “There you go,” he said, his voice the perfect combination of softness and gruff. Happy-go-lucky Ben was back.
“Now, let’s go see my mom.” Grabbing my elbow, he started walking again, giving me no choice in the matter.
“By the way, what kind of doctor are you?” I asked, trying to keep up with his pace.
“Orthopedic surgeon. All the skiing is good business for me up here. Knees, hips, broken legs. Summer is a windfall of biking incidents. Kind of funny, all things I don’t have much time to do myself.”
“Oh.” I had to stop saying oh. My mom’s voice rang in my head, chastising me for one-word answers. She’d told me a million times that one-word answers didn’t make me sound interesting. “I’m sure it’s more than that. It always was with you. Nothing was as it seemed on the surface. You always tried too hard to come off as on the surface, but you were way deeper.”
Glancing at me, he grumbled, “Something like that, for sure.”
5
Ben
What am I doing, taking Murphy to meet my mom?
“Speaking of deep,” I said, searching for the words. “Murphy isn’t an everyday name like Sarah or Rebecca.”
“So? It’s my name and I can’t change it. Being here is change enough. I’m doing the best I can.” Murphy stopped short, planting her feet, her green eyes blazing. If possible, they were even greener in the sunlight than her blouse.
“Roll with me here. My mom is smart—she’s going to put two and two together when I introduce you. She’s going to remember we went to prom. She’s going to ask about where you’ve been all these years, and while I don’t like to use Google, my mom is a sleuth without it.”
This got Murphy’s attention, and not in a good way, judging by her squinty eyes and the crease in her brow.
“She’ll want to know whether we’ve reunited,” I said to distract her.
Murphy twisted her hands together, looking desperate to run away. “Reunited? We were never together.”
“It’s no secret I liked you, Murph. Come on, you’re smarter than that. We’re all grown up now, but my mom still thinks of me as the baby. She’s going to press deep, and she isn’t going to give up until she gets the answers she’s searching for, like a bloodhound chasing a scent.”
Finally addressing the elephant in the room—or the field or whatever—I left it out there. It was high time we discussed the unrequited crush I had on Murphy all those years ago, and her complete and total rejection of me. I had a hard time believing she was the only one who didn’t know my feelings for her ran deeper than as friends.
Looking up at the sky as a dark rain cloud passed over, Murphy was quiet, deep in thought, looking like my never-ending crush was news to her. “I don’t have to go meet your mom. In fact, I need to get back to Hunnie before the rain comes. I really need that internship. You know, I can’t work in a coffee place forever. There’s nothing wrong with it, though. It’s a good place, run by great people, and I actually like it, but I have to do something with my degree, you know?”
My hand grabbed hold of her shoulder of its own volition. “Why? Why do you need all that? Why do you act all clueless, like there isn’t something bigger going on here? Are you truly okay? Something’s going on with you, and I’m here if you need me.”
Questions and declarations rolled off my tongue before I could stop myself. It was just like old times, my true feelings ignored or forgotten, and I was back to wanting to care for Murphy.
“Like you said,” she said as she placed her small palm on my shoulder, mimicking my move, “we’re all grown up now. I’m a grown woman, Ben. I know we were friends, and maybe you wanted more for us back then. Maybe I did too, but it was more than I could give. More than I was allowed to give.”
“According to who?” I demanded, challenging her.
“I don’t even know. My parents, my so-called friends, all the social expectations I’d been raised to abide by. But it doesn’t matter now because I’ve been taking care of myself for a while. Maybe I’m still trying to figure life out, but I will.”
“You don’t have to be that way. I can help you. We are old friends, like you said.”
It wasn’t the time to delve into her bullshit about society’s expectations. Clearly, she was on some sort of soul-searching mission, and I tried not to feel happy to have found myself a part of it. But I was.
Murphy shook her head. “You don’t owe me that. You helped me enough at Pressman, and I was never as grateful as I should have been. Look, I get it.
