Ben laughed again. “I don’t know, but I understand you wanting to do something on your own. Something like the common folk.”
I frowned. “When you put it like that, it sounds crass.”
He gave me an apologetic look. “That’s not how I meant it. I’m only trying to understand the divide between how you lived and how mostly everyone else did or does.”
“Yes.” My reply was soft, but he’d hit on the truth. “The divide was gigantic. Anyway, I met a guy online. He said he was twenty-five, and I was thirty-one at the time. We went for coffee and hit it off. He was fun and exciting, from New Jersey, and said he was an entrepreneur. I never checked or asked a lot of questions. Then we went for a drink, and he walked me back to my apartment and kissed me good night.”
“Sounds pretty normal.”
“Well, he must’ve gotten a load of where I lived or maybe he knew beforehand, I don’t know. We went for one more coffee and shared another kiss outside my building before he called the Post and outed himself as a Columbia student having relations with an employee.”
“What? It was a setup?” Ben looked at me for a second, his blue eyes blazing with fury.
“I don’t know. He led them to believe we were more intimate than we were. He also didn’t explain he was a graduate transfer student and twenty-five. It didn’t matter, though. My name was smeared and my reputation ruined. My parents weren’t interested in explanations or rebuttals. They wanted me to do some sort of ridiculous penance like community service, even though what I’d been accused of wasn’t against the law, and publicly date someone of their choice. But I couldn’t do it.”
“So, you came to Vermont? For a do-over? A new life?”
“Well, I tried to stay in my job for a year, but I couldn’t stand the curious looks and the cold shoulder people gave me. I thought if I just put my head down and did my job well, people would forget. Truthfully, I don’t know if they did or not because my parents certainly didn’t forget. I had to escape, and so I did. I guess it was a cowardly move.”
“What? No way. It was brave, standing up to generational wealth and all those tired standards.”
“I agree. They’re tired, but those standards are—were—a way of life for me.”
“You’re moving forward, not backward, Murph. That’s all I know.”
We’d been so deep in conversation, and my thoughts were so heavy and disturbing, I’d lost track of time. On a long exhale, I realized we were back at my place.
“Sorry the conversation got so down toward the end,” I said as Ben parked.
“No reason to be sorry. I’m glad you decided to open up.”
“And we had a great time at the drive-in. Can’t believe I’d never been. Can we go again sometime?”
Ben turned in his seat. “Definitely,” he said, and then his lips were on mine.
Not wanting my neighbors to see me making out, I asked, “Want to come in?”
“Also definitely,” he mumbled, his lips tickling mine. Then he jumped out and opened the door for me.
“You don’t have to do that every time, you know?”
“I do.”
With no further argument, I took Ben’s hand and led him to my door. I’d never been so assertive, but something about this felt perfect and right.
“I feel bad that you’re still far from home,” I said when I locked the door behind us.
“Is that your way of saying I can’t stay over?”
I dropped my head in my hands. “Oh God. You must think I’m so naive or spoiled.”
Ben shook his head while turning and backing me into the door until my shoulder blades were against the wood, his hardness pressing into mine. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to stay. I’m liking this, taking my time with you, Murph.”
Then he kissed me. Not with a sense of urgency, but taking his time just like he’d promised.
“As for my place, it’s on the other side of Montpelier, but it’s not a big deal. I drive at night to get to emergencies.”
Our lips locked again, and Ben’s hand slid down my back, eventually grabbing my butt—my ass? My former New York socialite self couldn’t reconcile with this newer, more casual and hip version of me.
“You feel so good,” he murmured, pulling me out of my head as he leaned further into me.
It wasn’t forceful and it didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt so alpha, or caveman, or in charge. Whatever, it felt great, and I wanted more. As I leaned further into Ben, a low moan or maybe a growl made its way from my mouth.
“Was that me?” I said breathlessly.
“That was you.”
Ben broke free from my lips and kissed his way down my neck before running his tongue over my collarbone. Then he knelt lower, lifting my shirt and pressing his mouth to my nipple.
First, he sucked through my silk bra, before pulling the fabric down and blowing warm air on the chilled skin. Goose bumps spread all over my body as he continued to suck on me and then blow warm breaths.
I didn’t want to admit I’d never had this type of sensation before. Yeah, I’d been groped or felt up in the past, but it had been a while. And it had always felt so cursory—obligatory and unemotional.
Moaning, I couldn’t help the sounds coming from my mouth. My head banged back into the door, and Ben was kneeling on the
