It’s a no.
And always will be.
I staggered back and realized with amazing clarity that I did hate her; I hated her for not loving me. I hated her for not choosing me. I hated her for making me feel like a fucking emotional psychopath.
I hated her still.
Maybe my hate never truly went away; maybe it just stayed hidden under a masterful plan of seduction on her part or a stupid TV show that made me vulnerable.
One thing I knew.
My hate would never leave.
Sometimes, it’s the only emotion we can hold onto without fear of it letting go of us.
So I held tight.
“I’m ready,” I heard myself say.
And then I was looking at her for what felt like the last time. Counting the tears as they streamed down her face.
Hating every last one for proving to me she felt something—anything other than what she was showing.
One day I’d be back in this office.
One day I’d prove to her that I was successful without her love—that I was successful with my hate fueling me.
Yes. I’d be back.
And I’d own the world.
“Mark,” Olivia called after me. “We’re young, try to un—”
“Understand?” I spat, looking over my shoulder. “Understand this. I. Hate. You.”
Funny how in college, it was her spewing hate at me.
Post-college, it was me walking away hating her.
Maybe in Hell, we’d find our love.
Crazier things have happened.
I was numb the entire walk to the SUV, to the fancy car that led me to my future, and during my flight to my dream job, I didn’t think about what I could buy with the money I’d make or about who I would date, where I would live.
I thought about her face.
And cursed her until I fell asleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Olivia
I watched him go.
I let him walk away.
I wanted to scream at him. We’re immature twenty-two-year-olds who were given an amazing opportunity.
We had sex on a dryer, for shit’s sake!
Love?
At our age?
It didn’t happen, and even if it did, was it worth risking everything to pursue? A steady job? Income? It was like he’d had no clue that I came from “the perfect household.” Two parents who adored each other so much that they literally forgot to pay bills. My dad even at one point decided to start his own business just so he could be home more with my mom. There was a constant saying of, all we need is love while they looked into each other’s eyes, only to forget that dinner wasn’t even ready. I loved my parents. I did. I just didn’t want to become like them, so blinded by someone else that I forgot about responsibilities or didn’t take my career seriously. To them, love was all that mattered. To me? Stability.
A job was sometimes all that kept a person from breaking.
And I couldn’t afford to break.
No matter how much my heart was already breaking.
He said he hated me.
And now I needed to bury my love for him. And hate him back, cling to it, let it fuel me for what was ahead.
“You ready?” Dustin held out his hand, showing me the way to the promised land, and I walked.
I didn’t like it.
I hated every second.
Which made me hate Mark even more.
Damn him!
Or maybe it was myself I hated, as I never looked back and walked into my future.
Chapter Nineteen
Olivia
Five Years Later
I was nervous as hell as I sat in that stupid conference room, wondering what the hell the fuss was all about. I’d finally gotten promoted to VP of Marketing, which had been my dream job, except it gave me absolutely no social life for five years.
Oh, I went on blind dates. Amelia and Ryker had basically shoved me out their door one night and said, “Have fun!”
I half expected and, let’s be honest, wanted it to be Mark on the other end. Instead, it was a man twice my age who keep leering at my breasts and combing his hair at the table—what hair he had.
He’d ordered lobster, and all I’d done was thought about Max’s tirade about lobster, which of course made me think about Mark, and…
Who was I kidding? I always thought of him.
I hated that man.
Hated that every time I heard a woman whisper about how hot the new VP of Hospitality in California was, like a supermodel… my teeth clenched, and my chest hurt.
The damn man’s face was in every marketing campaign. I would know because I was the one who had to do all of the marketing materials with my team.
I hadn’t seen him in person once, thank God. The LA team took care of all the shoots, but every single time I saw his smiling face as I approved ad proofs, I wondered what our kids would have looked like. Which was dumb.
I wondered how he was doing.
I wanted to pick up my phone, only to realize I never even had his cell number! I didn’t want to go through any corporate channels; that just seemed a bad idea. And when I asked Ryker for it, he outright said “he hates you, not a good idea.”
So yeah, five years later and back to square one.
Well, two could play that game!
I saw pictures of him schmoozing up to women at events in LA, heard the chatter of who he was dating—the last one was a supermodel that used to do the Victoria Secret fashion show, and man did my hate grow to epic proportions, and yet I wanted to say TOLD YOU SO!
I’d been right to accept the job. He’d moved on just like I predicted; now he had a stable career that somehow managed to make him a celebrity.
And I had…
A nice apartment.
A car.
A dog that loved me no matter what.
A goldfish that ignored me.
An empty fridge.
And blind dates while Ryker and Amelia had twins, an adorable house in the suburbs, and a tree.
God, I was jealous of that stupid tree!
I’d even gone as far as to get one of those Japanese garden things you
