She struggled to speak and found she couldn't make a sound. She tried to move, but realized she couldn't even squeeze the hand that held hers. Tears welled in her eyes and ran down the sides of her face before disappearing into her hair as she listened. Rachel, Dani, and Nikki all told stories about her. The love each of them felt for her could be heard in their voices as well as their words.
Dani looked down at Alex and noticed her tears. She reached out and wiped one away only to have another fall. "Rachel." She looked over at her wife. "She's crying. Isn't there anything we can do? I don't want her hurting."
"It just takes time, honey," she responded quietly. "There isn't anything we can do for her right now, except let her know we're here."
Nikki placed a kiss on the back of her hand and turned back to Pia and Sera. "Alex is one of the strongest people I have ever met. She has been through some very difficult things in her life, and has made it through each and every one. She's humble and unpretentious. Generous and caring." She ran her thumb over the back of her hand. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, but she doesn't believe it."
"That's because Jo destroyed her self confidence," Sera said. She scowled as she thought about the things she had told her about her ex. "She would constantly tell Alex how ugly she was. She would call her clumsy, awkward, and plain. I never understood how she fell prey to her." She looked over at Nikki and smiled. "Make sure you tell her frequently how beautiful she really is. Every woman deserves to hear those words, especially from her lover. Only then can she begin to believe them."
"I tell her all the time," Nikki responded. "And I have no intention of stopping. She's beautiful, inside and out. I'm the luckiest woman in the world, and I can face anything as long as I have her by my side."
Alex slowly blinked her puffy, tired eyes. She was relieved when she was able to focus on the plaster ceiling. She took a deep breath and said, "Keep talking like this and you'll all make my head swell." She felt Nikki squeeze her hand, and turned her head in that direction. Smiling when she met her worried gaze she said, "Hello, lover."
Nikki reached up and brushed a knuckle down her cheek as she stared into her eyes. "Hey there, sweetheart. I've been worried about you. Where did you go?"
Alex closed her eyes and leaned into Nikki's touch. "Someplace I don't ever want to go again. I was lost and alone."
"You were never alone, Alex. We were with you then, and we are with you now." Her eyes flew open and met Rachel's knowing gaze. "Am I wrong?"
She slowly shook her head. "I know that you were there with me before. I recognized each of your voices when I woke up in the hospital. I think that was one of the reasons I trusted you all so quickly, and why I wanted to keep you in my life. I'm sure that if I tried, I could find my memories of exactly what was said. But I don't ever want to try. I'm not strong enough to pull myself out of my memories when I go that deep."
Nikki leaned in closer, her surprise at the news clear. "You mean to tell me, you were remembering your coma?" she asked. Her eyes widened when Alex nodded. "And you have actual memories of when you were in the coma? Memories of us talking to you?"
She bit her bottom lip as she thought about it. "I think so. I can feel them, but they are below the surface and difficult to access. And, frankly, I'm afraid to try."
"Why are you afraid?" Sera asked.
Alex clutched Nikki's hand tighter as she reached for Dani with the other. She began to tremble and felt everyone draw a little closer. "Think of it this way. Your mind is a recorder that uses five different input elements. When I was in a coma, my recorder lost the use of two of those elements, but the others kept providing input to be recorded. I couldn't see or taste anything, but I could still smell things. I could still hear, and I could still feel."
Nikki gasped. "Oh dear God."
"So, along with my memories of visits from these three, are memories of a great deal of pain. I'm afraid of what I'll find if I go digging around in my head." She pulled her feet from Rachel's lap and slowly sat up. "It's time to change the subject and distract me before I fall down the rabbit hole again."
Pia slipped her arm around Sera and held her close as she turned to Alex and asked, "When will we get to see you again?"
Alex grabbed her pants from the back of the couch, pulled them on, and stood to button them. She frowned as she shrugged. "I'm not sure. We head back to the villa tomorrow to get ready to head home. I'm not sure when we'll be back." As she sat back down on the couch between Rachel and Dani to put her socks and shoes on, she noticed the room was completely silent. She looked up and saw everyone staring at her. "What?"
Nikki swallowed, stuffed her hands into her pockets, and said, "Does that mean you are heading home with us?"
Alex looked away from the hopeful expression in Nikki's eyes and turned first to Dani, then Rachel. They each remained quiet as they watched and waited for her to answer. She turned back to Nikki and shrugged. "It appears as though I am incapable of living happily without you,
