“And that’s exactly why you’re in this mess, Nicole. But don’t worry. You know, there’s a reason you’ve never met your mom’s sister. It’s because she announced her pregnancy at your mom’s and my wedding.” He handed me the buttered bread with a pointed look, and I nodded knowingly. This wasn’t the first, or the fourth, or the tenth, time our father had told this story since Jackie announced the wedding date. “It’s easy to tell someone else to fuck off, Nicole, but it’s not so easy to do it. You’re not sixteen anymore. I can’t ‘force’ you to break up with your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, it was a lot easier back then.” Sharing a smile with my dad, I didn’t protest when he stood up and grabbed my wine glass to head to the bar. My heart grew so full, and I smiled for the first time in a few days. At least it felt like a few days. Propping my elbows on the table, I held my chin on my palms and glanced around.
Being explicitly unhappy isn’t worse than not being happy. Jackie lived her life by those words; if someone didn’t brighten her day, she cut them out without looking back. If someone took advantage of her, she didn’t give them a second chance. My sister was brutal, maintaining herself with ease even though it couldn’t have been that simple or easy.
“Here, Nicole.” Smiling gratefully at my dad, I took the wine glass to take a deep sip. My heart stopped racing, and the gnawing discomfort in my gut eased as the white wine coursed through my veins. “Better drink that fast, here comes Tom.”
I tensed, and true to form, Tom was skirting the dance floor toward me. My muscles instantly seized, and my dad put a hand on my shoulder to squeeze comfortingly. Gulping harshly, I prayed to any deity that would listen that Tom didn’t make a fool of himself or me. Draining my glass, I closed my eyes briefly to gather myself as my dad’s hand fell from my shoulder.
“You wanna go dance, Nicole?” My heart stuttered as Tom shot me a charming smirk, and foreboding gnawed deep into my gut. He held out his hand for me, and blood drummed in my ears as the pressure beat against my eyes. I set my glass down to stand up, but I didn’t take Tom’s hand as I caught his gaze.
I didn’t like what I saw in their depths, and my cold sweat prickled up my back and under my arms. I thought it was blatantly obvious that I was only suffering through this day for my sister. Tom had long overstayed his welcome in my life, and I was reaping what I sowed. This anxiety was the consequence of ignoring my gut, something I’d never do again.
“Tom, when we get back to Utah, I—” He held up a hand to stop me, and flames engulfed my cheek as Tom shot me a sly smile.
“Relax, Nicole. You’re at a wedding. Just enjoy the here and now. Let’s go dance.” Tom took my hand, and I clenched my jaw hard against the irritation that sloshed up my throat. I couldn’t even hear the music above the horror that was ringing in my ears, slowly intensifying and loudening as resistance stiffened my muscles.
Tom swept me onto the dance floor, but there weren’t many other people dancing. Everyone was eating or drinking, and the DJ wasn’t playing anything particularly upbeat if the low bass rattling my legs was anything to go by. He hooked an arm around my waist, knocking the air from my lungs, and my skin crawled when he drew me close almost forcefully.
“Why are you so miserable, Nicole?” My jaw almost hit my chest in surprise, and I couldn’t believe my own ears. Tom’s concern almost seemed fake. How could he not know why I was nervous? Did my concerns just go in his nose and out his eye, not even reaching his brain?
“Do you not listen to anything I say, Tom? Why are you even with me?” Surprise rose his brows, and Tom’s eyes brightened with thoughts that raced behind them. He pursed his lips, and expectation flooded my system as we swayed back and forth. “I wanna know. Why are you with me?”
“What do you mean? I like you, and you like me, and you’re a great girl, and we’re gonna be great together.” He chuckled almost condescendingly, and fire raced up my spine when he shook his head with that stupid, amused smile. “Why are you asking? I wouldn’t date you if I didn’t like you, Nicole.”
“That’s not a good enough reason.” I wasn’t in love with the man, but if he was going to propose, he could’ve used the word ‘love’ at some point. Whenever the time came when I did get married, I wanted to be in love with the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and for him to be in love with me as well. I certainly didn’t want him to like me.
I didn’t know where my sudden assertiveness came from, but it blew Tom away, and I was the one that shook my head this time. Taking his hands off me, I stepped back to frown at him as his smirk drooped noticeably. “I invited you to this wedding to be polite because we were involved, but I made it very clear that I didn’t want anything serious. You’re trying to push something serious on me, and I don’t like it. I don’t like you enough to put up with this anymore.”
“Come on, you don’t mean that. Things are going great so great that
