She thinks of her own recurring dreams. There was someone there. Was that person from her past? Can’t be. The dreams are nothing more than bright lights and feelings.
Tabula Rasa works. She cannot remember anything from her past. Not her name, her old life, nor anyone she had met in the previous cycles.
The water stops once it reaches the top of the glass. She walks back to her room.
“Drink this.” She puts the glass to Benja’s lips. He sips from it.
“Ugh, this is salty,” he says.
Aris looks at the water. It is clear, just as it has always been. She takes a sip.
“It tastes fine. Maybe it’s another side effect. What’s this drug made of?”
Benja shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t care. Whatever it is, I need more of it. I have to remember.”
“You don’t even know if the side effects will go away. Maybe you should give it some time.”
“I don’t have time. I’ve already wasted enough. There’s only a few months left.”
“Exactly. There’s only a few months left. What’s the point?” she asks.
“You don’t understand the agony of not being with someone you love. I need to find him!” His voice becomes louder until he is yelling.
“It’s—” He clutches his stomach as if he is in pain. “There’s this spot inside me that hurts. Like something is tearing at it. I need it to go away.”
His reaction frightens her. He has always been passionate, but this is beyond his normal. What is the drug doing to him?
“Benja. You’re being a little . . .”
“Melodramatic?” He chuckles. “Yeah, I know. Please don’t walk out on me.”
She touches his cheek. “I won’t. But I can’t lie and tell you that mixing with this group is wise. I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about.” He brushes her hand off. “I need to find another blue bird of happiness for my next meeting. Come help me. Please?” he asks.
“I can’t come with you,” she says. Not anymore. Her eyes are adjusting to the growing light.
Chapter Ten
“Where are you?” Thane asks.
“What?” says Aris.
“You look like you’re a thousand miles away.”
She blows air through her mouth. “You noticed.”
“Is everything okay?”
In the last three weeks since Benja’s Absinthe-altered dream, his obsession has taken a desperate turn. He talks of “the man in the white hat” like a craving. There are no conversations with him without a mention of Absinthe or his quest to reunite with the stranger he believes is his ex-lover.
“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just . . . my friend. You’ve met him. Benja. You remember him?”
“Are you two okay?”
“Yeah. It’s more him. He’s—”
The image of the Elaran man being led off by a policeman enters her mind. She studies Thane. Can she trust him? How much can she share? She has known him for almost four years. And during that time he has been nothing but kind and understanding. She decides she can.
“Benja’s going through some problems. I’m afraid he may have gotten himself in trouble,” she says, “He’s being odd. I mean odder than his usual self. And I’m worried about him.”
“What happened?”
“I think he’s mixed up with some bad people. They gave him this drug.”
“Like the kind you get at the hospital?” he asks.
There are ways one can experience an artificial euphoric state in the safe and controlled environment of the hospital. Administered and regulated by the staff, the substance has no lingering side effects. Aris had tried it once and found it a sterile and unimaginative experience.
“No, it doesn’t sound like it. Now he’s obsessed with getting more,” she says.
“He’s addicted?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
Addicts are rare. She has never understood them. To her, living is a high in itself. When you only have four years to make the most of each life, you pursue your passions or search for them, you don’t look for ways to numb the experience. What’s the point in that?
“He claims it makes his dreams more vivid. But I think it’s just a hallucinogen. Who knows what it’s doing to his brain,” she says.
A beep comes from her watch.
“Speaking of,” she says and looks down, not noticing a flash in Thane’s eyes.
She walks to the far corner of the shared office.
“Benja?” she says to the small 3D image of his face projecting from her watch.
“Hey, can you come meet me at the Corner of Destiny and Fate?” His voice is anxious.
She cannot help but laugh.
“I’m serious. It’s a restaurant. I think I found him,” Benja says.
“Who are you talking about?”
“The man in the white hat. The love of my life,” he says. “He’s sitting at a coffee shop across from the Corner of Destiny and Fate. Isn’t it so romantic and quaint?”
“Wait, you’re stalking a stranger?” she whispers.
“He’s not a stranger. I know him from my dreams.”
“If he’s not a stranger, then what’s his name?”
“Man in the White Hat.”
Aris scoffs. “How did you find him?”
“Never mind that. I really need you here. Can you please come?”
“Stalking is not really my cup of tea.”
“I’m not doing anything bad. Come on. Please,” he says. “Look, I know you think I’m crazy, and all this is stupid and a mistake. And you don’t have to believe. Just please be with me. I need my friend.”
She sighs. “Where’s this place?”
“In Europa. I’ll send you the location. If you catch the next train, you’ll be here in no time.”
“I’m still at work,” she says.
“Tell Thane you need to come hold your pathetic friend’s hand so he can gracefully meet the love of his life. He’ll understand. Tell him.”
She hangs up. She checks her schedule for today on her watch. November 13. No docent duty.
She looks at Thane as she walks toward him. There is an indecipherable expression on his face.
“Uh, Thane? Benja needs my help. I’m going to leave early,” she says.
He nods and gives her a smile. It looks forced. Aris thinks back to what Benja said about him being interested in her. She shrugs off the thought and gathers her
