After thanking him again, I left and walked over to my office, where I spent a couple of hours checking my mail. Some bank in Nebraska wanted to lend me fifty-thousand dollars. It was the third such offer from the same bank this month. I decided to hold out for the one-hundred-thousand dollar offer. No sense selling myself cheap.
When I got home early that afternoon, I did a few things around the place until about three o’clock, when I decided to walk over to Mrs. Pendergrass’ place and take her up on that homemade apple pie offer. As I went out the front door of my townhouse, my mail carrier was just leaving. I waved to her and grabbed the mail from the box beside my front door. Today’s offerings included several pieces of junk, my electric bill, the engraved announcement of my brother’s one-man art show in Maryland and a party invitation. It was one of those little invitations that elementary age kids give to each other at school. I noticed that the return address label had Laura Fleming’s name, and that the envelope had been mailed somewhere in Monroeville early the previous day. Probably the post office, since I doubted mail was picked up anywhere else on a Sunday morning. Opening the envelope, I pulled out a single piece of paper, with the usual information listed that you see on these things. Someone had written the responses in crayon. This is what it said:
What?
A party
Where?
My place
When?
Friday night, 7:00
Dress?
Casual
Near the bottom of the paper was another note in crayon that said RSVP, with Laura’s phone number. But what really caught my eye was the final line on the invitation, which was written in a beautiful and precise feminine hand.
Favors will be provided.
Chapter 40
Irv hadn’t been able to do anything with the disc on his home computer, from which, incidentally, I firmly believed he could launch one of the space shuttles, so he’d told me that he was taking the disc to the university’s computer lab, where he no doubt had access to equipment capable of tilting the Earth’s axis. Until I heard from him, or, in one way or another, from Elias, there wasn’t much I could do. Denny had called and asked if I wanted to work out with him at the Y on Thursday night, so that’s where we were at seven o’clock when I heard from Elias. The Y has a room devoted to Nautilus equipment, and Denny and I were the only ones in there at the moment. Denny was wearing old navy sweatpants of indeterminate origin and a faded maroon T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. I had on my usual Y outfit: grayish sweatpants that have been laundered so many times I’m not sure what their original color was, and a short-sleeved yellow T with “Art is My Life” on the front, a gift from my brother. Denny was doing some abs work while I used the biceps machine. We were discussing where to go for a late meal when the five bruisers walked in. They were all big and white and mean-looking and wearing jeans and tight T-shirts. Scufflin’ clothes, nothing loose that an opponent could grab onto. I know it’s wrong to traffic in generalities, but the term redneck just leaped out at me. Also, I couldn’t help noticing that none of the five had an outfit that was color-coordinated. There are just no standards anymore.
The head bruiser, a bald guy with one earring, walked over to where Denny and I were now standing together by the biceps contraption. He ignored me and spoke to Denny.
“Okay, Smoke, this is your lucky day. You ain’t involved in this, so take a hike. And close the door behind you.”
In this case, the generality had been pretty accurate.
Denny looked at the bruiser, and then at me. Without saying a word, he walked over to the door. He put his hand on the knob. And then he closed the door.
From the inside.
And then he locked it.
I smiled at Earring.
“Hi there,” I said. “You guys in town for the Tupperware convention?”
Earring said, “We’re in town to kick the shit out of you. And if dark meat back there wants to hang around, fine with us.”
My smile grew wider, and I’m pretty sure my dimples were showing. That happens when I’m really happy. Or, occasionally, when I’m really pissed. Earring wasn’t getting the happy face version.
Over the past few weeks, I’d had way too many people trying to intimidate me. It was starting to wear thin. I could feel the tension in my body. I crossed my arms at the chest, causing my biceps to swell.
The doofus at Jake’s Bar and Grill. About to kick your ass if you don’t get the fuck outta here right now.
The other four bruisers began to spread out a little.
Manny. Drop the thing you’re workin’ on.
One of the bruisers was angling in my direction. The other three were facing Denny now.
Marko. Maybe you’ll take five seconds to get the hell out of here instead.
Earring smirked and said to his buddies, “Two for the price of one today, guys.”
The idiot in the elevator. You gonna get a beatin’.
Earring reached out with his left hand and pushed me.
And the tiger was loose.
I grabbed Earring’s arm and twisted it. Hard. I heard something snap. It was a very satisfying sound. Meanwhile, the guy who’d been sneaking up on me tried to grab my arms. Unfortunately for him, he put his hands in the crooks of my elbows. I bent my arms up, locking his hands in
