“What sort of business is Benji in? Everything, really. Geoffrey, can I ask you something in strict confidence?”
“Of course.”
“You have to promise.”
“I promise.”
“If someone was trading in uranium, would that be legal?”
“I’ve no idea. For what purpose?”
“Maybe for weapons?”
“Weapons? Nuclear weapons? That sounds like something only governments should do. It might depend on who it was being sold to.”
“Let’s say Pakistan.”
“Of course Pakistan would want a nuclear bomb, wouldn’t it? India has one and there’s always danger of war between India and Pakistan. I should think that would be very illegal. 'You’re not saying Benji is mixed up in this sort of thing, are you?”
“No, of course not. It just came up in passing. To do with someone else.”
“Well, let it pass. That’s evil stuff, Marcella. Evil and dangerous. I can hardly think of anything worse that someone could do. If you meet anyone involved in that sort of thing, run as far and fast as you can.”
“It was just some talk. I felt a bit ignorant.” But instead of running away from Benji in my head, I was running towards him.
Into my silence, Geoffrey asked, “Do you ever think of going home?”
“To Zanzibar? No. This is my home now. In any case if I left Britain they might not let me back in. Can you imagine my not being allowed to come back to London? It would seem ridiculous. In any case, there’s nothing there for me. Mummy’s in Dar with my sister. I never knew my real mother and hardly remember my father. And now Mrs F is dead.”
“Mrs F? The one whose house I visited?”
“Yes, my aunt. The one you insulted when you first met her. David told me. Actually, she was always good to me.”
“Well, I’m very sorry. She was quite a character. So, you saw David?”
“"Yes, he wanted to know whether you were a spy when you were in Zanzibar.” I pulled off a sad laugh and Geoffrey smiled weakly.
“Actually, I’ve wondered about that myself.”
“What? You mean, you don’t know?”
“Well, we had someone from the Foreign Office seconded to the Institute. The British government gives us money for overseas work and it was a condition. He was always asking me to find out things when I travelled—as a research colleague. I didn’t think about it until Yvonne once mentioned that she thought he was British Intelligence. They were always trailing the ANC apparently. So, maybe I was an inadvertent spy. But Yvonne saw spies everywhere. "You don’t think David was the one to hit me over the head, do you?”
“David? No, of course not. Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I hate it when England is like home. Like Zanzibar, I mean. Do you really think selling South African uranium to Pakistan would be a crime?”
“You didn’t say anything about South Africa. Then that’s definitely illegal. There are sanctions. Illegal and immoral. I thought you were involved in the property business—as if that isn’t bad enough.”
“I am. Anyway, you’re just a colonialist. A neocolonialist.”
Geoffrey looked at his coffee. “Maybe. Maybe so. Let’s not argue. I admire what you’ve done, really. You’ve come so far. I just want you to be careful. Please. I care about you.”
“I’m all right, thanks. I’m not involved in anything.” I paid the bill, and instead of stepping out into the empty darkness of a Zanzibar alley, and the drive to a deserted beach, we stepped into the lights, noise and traffic of Hereford Road and Westbourne Grove. A slight drizzle was falling, making the pavements shine. There was chatter from young people out to do nothing more complicated than have a good time.
“How are you getting to Paddington? I could drive you, but I’ll lose my parking space. Why don’t you take a taxi?”
“No, it’s a waste of money. I’ll walk. I don’t mind the rain. Dinner was great, Marcella.”
That night, I burrowed my hand into the hair on Benji’s chest and found a small voice for my unease. “Benji, what’s happened to all your bits of this and bits of that since Ashraf arrived?”
“What do you mean?” He put his arm around me, as if he was my protector.
“I mean the badminton classes, the acting, the restaurant things. All the things you did for fun.”
“I haven’t done those for a long time. They didn’t make money.”
“I liked it when you did them. I was very impressed by all those bits when we first met.”
He turned away from me and I draped my arm over his back to keep the connection. “I don’t like the things you do with Ashraf so much. They scare me, Benji. All this business with uranium scares me. You could go to prison. It’s dangerous and immoral.”
He pulled himself free of me and sat up in the moonlight. “Immoral? Where are you getting that from? There’s nothing immoral about it. Britain has a bomb, why shouldn’t Pakistan? It’s just business. International laws are just put there for someone’s convenience to keep the newcomers out. They’re just remnants from the past. Look, Marcella, I don’t want to involve you in this more than I have to. It’s just a deal. For years everyone’s been making use of Benji, saying what a useful person he is, what good company he is. Meanwhile they’ve been getting on and I’ve been getting nowhere. Even you. I’m middle-aged and people don’t take me seriously. I’m tired of it. This is my chance. I’ve made this happen. It’s my creation. Now, it’s just a matter of keeping my nerve and holding on for a while. Then, I’ll be able to do whatever bits and pieces I like again. Anything you want. I promise. I have to do this.”
I lay there, my head under Benji’s arm. This was the smell of him, a scent as natural and sweet to me as my own. I said, “I want to be involved.” Then, “You need someone
