“Seriously? That’s what you heard from that story?” I grumble, taking a large gulp of wine and feeling myself relax instantly.
“Well what else would I take from that story? That Cole’s a douche? We already knew that. Josh, on the other hand, he’s a new and exciting development.”
I roll my eyes, wondering why the hell I told her any of this in the first place. Oh yeah, because she can be one of the most persistent people I have ever met.
“Come on, Harp, I need to live vicariously through you.”
I give her a confused look. Did she not just hook up with a guy the other night?
“What happened to Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome from the bar?”
She shakes her head and I notice a flash of sadness across her face. “Yeah, that was a bust,” she admits matter-of-factly even though I still see the hurt that lingers in her eyes.
“Why?” I ask, pouring myself some more wine since all the Josh talk made that first glass disappear rather quickly.
“I don’t really know. I just wasn’t feeling it after a while.” I know she’s full of shit, I can see it all over her face.
“Did he hurt you?” I question, hoping to God that’s not the case because I don’t know what I would do if that happened. When all she does is shake her head, her eyes avoiding mine, I continue. “Mel, what’s really going on in that head of yours.” When she doesn’t answer, I turn toward her. “You made me talk about Josh, now it’s your turn.”
She laughs, taking a very large sip of her wine.
“I don’t really know, I’ve been feeling really tired of the dating game lately, or maybe just the one-night stand aspect of dating.”
I get it. I haven’t had that much experience in that department since I end up in relationships even when I don’t want to be, but I still get it.
“That makes sense.” I hope to give her some comfort even when I don’t know exactly what she’s feeling. “How long have you been feeling like this?” She’s always been the one dumping guys when things get serious and I know it’s because she is afraid of getting hurt. Yet this is the first time she’s acknowledging that she wants something more.
“A few months.”
My shocked expression makes her smile, but I allow her to continue.
“I know I’ve dragged you out to bars a lot over the past few months, even when it causes problems between you and Cole.”
She’s not wrong, but at this point, it doesn’t matter, so I wave her off.
“I guess I’m trying to find Mr. Right, and I have no idea where to start.”
I get up and move to sit right beside her.
“Welcome to my life.” The sarcasm comes out harsher than I expect, but Mel chuckles beside me.
“Well, at least you have an admirer. I have nothing. No prospects at all.”
She is far from rock bottom, but I know she won’t hear reason right now. So, I keep my mouth shut.
“I don’t have an admirer; I have a guy who thinks he likes me.” To be honest, I know nothing about any of this shit. I spent two years with a man that clearly didn’t love me as much as I loved him. And look how that turned out. Josh has a crush. That’s it. He wants what he can’t have and since I’ve rejected him, I’m a prize he can’t win. Once the chase is over, he’ll leave, just like Cole.
“Harper, what is hard to believe? The guy likes you. He’s made that pretty clear every time he’s been around you, so what’s holding you back?”
Urgh, why can’t we go back to talking about her love life and not mine? I liked that conversation a lot more.
“I don’t want to date an athlete,” I admit, Mel breaking into a fit of laughter beside me.
“Athlete or baseball player?” she teases because she knows she’s right. “Harper, he is not your dad.”
The sip of wine goes down heavy as I set the glass down on the table.
“I know that.” I avoid her eyes because I know that the minute she sees them, she’ll see the truth written all over my face.
“Do you? Because for the entire time I’ve known you, you’ve used your father’s death as a way to keep people away.”
I sigh, hating that she’s right.
“You need to let him go, you need to stop letting the fact that your dad’s not here be a deterrent for you finally finding happiness.”
“I know my fear is irrational, but the thought of being a part of that world again makes me panic. I honestly don’t know if I could handle it.” My head goes into my hands as I start to take deep breaths, hoping to curb the panic attack that’s looming in my periphery.
“What makes you think you’d have to be a part of that world again?” She can’t be serious.
“Josh is a baseball player. How can our relationship survive when I’m not a part of that? He would resent me. It’s his whole world, and if I’m not a part of that, then what kind of relationship would we have?”
“Why don’t you let him decide that?”
I know she’s right, but I don’t really want to hear it. Not right now.
“Well, what about you, huh? What’s making you second-guess your single life?” I’m changing the subject, needing the conversation to get away from Josh.
“I just want what I used to have with Carson.”
The mention of that boy’s name sends a wave of anger through every limb of my body.
“I know you hate him…” she starts, but I stop her.
“That’s an understatement,” I murmur, hearing the edge in my voice.
That
