Nobody at all? I wanted to say. He must be so lonely… What would I do without Dad and Ruby? Even though I had good friends, I knew for sure that I wouldn’t want to be here without my family. I wouldn’t want to live.
That thought shocked me, and I looked up at Mark. There was a whole story hidden in his answer.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I breathed.
He smiled in that let’s-make-the-other-person-think-it’s-not-a-big-deal way. “I didn’t want us to end on a bad topic, and look where it got us,” he joked, but his eyes were a bit glassy.
He started collecting his phone and keys from the table. I took that as a hint he didn’t want to talk about it. I took my own handbag and stood. It didn’t seem appropriate to tell him I had a good time right now, since I didn’t want him to think I enjoyed his suffering.
“I have to say, this was really nice,” he said in his normal voice again as we were walking across the street towards Dad’s car.
“I enjoyed it too.”
I sat behind the wheel and pulled my window down to say goodbye. He was about to turn to walk away when I spoke: “Mark? It’s a great thing you’re doing for the Association. The world needs more people like you.”
He nodded, but his face remained serious. He kept looking at me for a few seconds. “Goodbye, Connie,” he said and disappeared around the corner of the building.
“It sounds a bit like a date.”
“Dad, please,” I rolled my eyes. “We were just talking.”
“For three and a half hours?” The corners of his mouth twitched and I realised he was just messing around. “Nothing wrong with that.”
“Are you suggesting that I should be dating?”
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I’m not interested in dating,” I lied. If there happened to be the right guy, I wouldn’t say no. I didn’t have the time, though. Why should I further complicate this tiny bit of life I have left?
“Alright,” Dad raised his hands in resignation. “I’ll say no more. And I’ll keep saying no more, even if you keep not dating him.”
That night I kept rolling around in bed, reliving the entire conversation with Mark. If I wasn’t ill, who knows? I’d probably get in touch with him about another meet up. But it wasn’t meant to be, so I focused at least on the beginning of our meeting, and his request.
I liked his passionate interest in protecting animals and the environment, we were alike on this. But then, when he explained himself, I was afraid of all the possible consequences, and wanted to refuse him straight away. The more I thought about it now though, the more I wanted to comply. I couldn’t stand deliberate cruelty, and didn’t have it in me to ignore it.
I started to get an overwhelming sense that I should help Mark, whatever it takes. I was twenty-six, what had I achieved until now? What was I leaving behind?
I had Ruby, of course, and found great satisfaction in being her Mum. My work at the police station was also no small feat and I was proud of what I do. But I wanted more.
“Stop frowning or you’ll be stuck with that wrinkle between your eyes forever,” Emma advised me the next day, when we were sitting at the desk.
“Sure, sure,” I agreed mindlessly, not really listening to her. I only needed one look at the station to make my final decision, and of course, the line of our standard clients helped. Court-issued restraining orders due to assault, sexual abuse, burglary and theft, and more. It kept on coming, and I had to think about the types of punishment waiting for these people, one that didn’t at all match their crime. And what about the raped baby? Or the woman whose bones got broken but she was too scared to press charges against her partner? Where was their justice?
That’s when I knew that I would give Mark what he’d asked me for. Why the hell not? If he has any chance whatsoever to push for heavier punishment, I have to help him.
I knew that it wasn’t right. I wasn’t authorised to share with him anything from the police reports that didn’t make it to the publicly available records. I finally understood the phrase “the ends justify the means” and it seemed unbelievable that I was approaching it from the other end. It was me now who was breaking rules… I’d joined the ranks of the people I used to fight against.
In a week I managed to gather an astonishing amount of information. I’d known about all those terrible crimes people committed on others, animals and environment, but to see it all together like this took my breath away. I put together an overview of crimes committed against animals and the environment in Western Australia in just the last twelve months, and it was a folder so big, I could barely lift it. The weight of the fact that this is the situation in Australia, a country supposedly much safer than many others, nearly crushed me. What would these folders look like in other countries?
I stayed clear from names and personal details, but it didn’t matter. The photographic documentation was much more impactful, brutally revealing the cruelty of mankind.
Whenever I left work with a stack of documents or data saved on a USB port, I felt my chest tighten. I could lose my job and credibility over this! But no one even looked at me twice. Why would they suspect I was doing anything wrong when I’d been the perfect employee for six years?
Mark
I could never truly forget, but most times I managed to keep my memories at bay. Hide them in the deepest darkest corner of my mind and lock them there. But after that conversation with Connie, they came rushing back and didn’t let me sleep.
I ran away
