I took both mattresses from the bed and laid them down next to each other into an empty corner. All I had to do was lie down next to her, and she calmed down. There wasn’t enough light to read her a bedtime story. Maybe she wouldn’t have wanted one anyway, after all the ones she’d heard today. So I was humming a few melodies until her eyelids became heavy. She pressed the elephant to her face and put her thumb in her mouth again.
Even if I had some candles or lanterns around, I wouldn’t have used them. What if someone saw the light coming from the roof windows and came over to investigate? Since there wasn’t enough light, I decided I might as well stay in bed too. I thought I would be tossing and turning for hours, but in the end I fell asleep soon after the girl. The sleep deficit and mental strain used up my last bits of energy.
When I opened my eyes in the morning, it took a moment to remember where I was. It was getting light and I started to make out the outlines of our shelter in the gray light. There was so much for me to do, but I couldn’t find the motivation, so I stayed in bed and watched our new home and Ruby breathing heavily.
Surprisingly, I felt a wave of anger. Not that I’d always been the best at everything, I made mistakes just like everyone else, but I liked to be the master of my own destiny. I couldn’t stomach the fact that someone had made some very serious decisions on my behalf–even though they meant the difference between life and death–and that they’d thrown me into this prison.
I understood that Connie was only trying to keep us safe, but even so, I desperately wanted not to be here. What would happen if I ignored their instructions and walked out? Lived on my own, travelled around among the dying population? I let the vision of that overwhelm me, but after a while I realised one important thing.
I understood why The Collective wanted all the adult survivors to have a child with them. Not only did that natural instinct to protect their young kick in, which meant they were ready to do things they might not normally think of doing. But there was another reason, or at least I thought there was. Watching the suffering and pain of the end of mankind would be incredibly difficult for every one of us. I myself was tired and aching. I felt like all The Collective had done was open all my old wounds, especially the notional, mental ones, and pour salt into them. The thought of ending it all forever was within reach.
But I couldn’t. Because of Ruby.
Children. That was a damn smart move. I snorted, and because these thoughts had managed to make me miserable, I threw away the duvet and got up.
Ruby still slept and I used this free time to have a look around and start sorting through the mountain of things I’d hastily moved here last night.
I used the free metal frame of the bunk bed as a shelf and stored things there to make space in the room. I put all the food onto the kitchen counter and soundlessly opened cupboards and shelves to inspect the equipment. All the dishes came in two pieces. I walked into the pantry again and decided that I’d do inventory right away and write it all down.
When Ruby woke up, I made us some breakfast of oats with raisins, banana and long-life milk, and then with her help sorted through the toys and games. We laid them out on shelves so they were visible. They made the place at least a little bit nicer and I decided that we’d spend some time this morning drawing pictures to put on the walls.
I still held bitterness at our enforced stay here, but I couldn’t pass it onto Ruby. I made the shelter into an adventure den, and our primary task was to decorate it, make it into a home. Since my granddaughter was very creative, she threw herself into it with gusto. The dining table turned into a workshop area. I was helping her a lot and suggesting things to draw…
“Easter eggs,” Ruby laughed. “Grampa, you’re silly. We’ve already had Easter!”
“Ah, what does that matter! We are the masters of this castle!” I threw my hands in a grandiose gesture. “We can have Easter every day if we want!”
But she also spent a lot of time on her own, coming up with ideas and then executing them in silence for fifteen, twenty minutes. That gave me time to sort through more of our stuff.
I was taking things out of the suitcases and bags and putting them away on shelves and wardrobes. Before I knew it, it was dark again, and then came another morning.
Days were flying past us and I was marking them dutifully in our calendar. Ruby and I started to develop routines around cooking, playing, working, exercising, bathing. Sometimes we could hear distant sounds from above, when the desperate came to Darlene and Hugh’s farm to look for food and shelter. In those moments we were as quiet as a mouse, because what if they heard us too? Other than that, we acted as if we were the last people on Earth.
Of course, I had a lot of time to think. Either about Wyatt’s family and my own and how they were doing, why weren’t we given some other fresh vegetables along with the sacks of potatoes, when and how did they even move all those provisions here through that small opening, or how was it possible that we still had electricity. Did the farm have solar panels or its own generator? I was wondering where the regular faint vibration was coming from, before figuring out it was the hood, which must have been set
