***
When I’d ridden my lap of honour mum had been clapping and cheering. She took Bella from me as I dismounted, giving me a wonderful hug.
“Well done! Have you seen Hilary?” She gestured across to my nearest rival, I had beaten her soundly and she was yelling at her parents having flung the reins of her massively expensive show pony at her mother, who, in turn, had handed them to their groom. I wanted this moment to last forever. The sun beating down on me, sweat dripping from my riding hat as I pulled it from my head and ran my hands through my damp hair. There was the smell of fried onions and horse muck in the air, a strange combination which was no doubt rancid to anyone who wasn’t part of our world.
Dad hugged me, he was proud and also pointed out Hilary and was unduly pleased with her downfall. Of course, her father was my dad’s boss so there was some, albeit friendly rivalry between them.
“So what do you two want for tea? Maybe, once we get the horses home and settled we can go out to celebrate our wins!” My dad clapped his hands.
“Pizza!” Adam bounced excitedly.
“Maybe. Right, horses first.”
My mother was always the voice of reason, the horses would always come first and our own comfort was secondary to them.
***
The horses loaded well and we were soon back in the horsebox and on our way home, Adam sleeping beside me with his head nestled in my lap. Mum turned and looked back.
“I know it’s going to be during school time, but perhaps we could go to the Westfield Show next month? It’s supposed to be…”
***
I lay in my bunk. I would never know what the Westfield Show was supposed to be. I’d screamed, my mother turning in her seat just as the truck smashed into our horsebox. I could hear the smashing of glass and metal, the falling and the pain. My fear. Tears ran down my cheeks, the sound of a late train rumbled overhead bringing me back to my reality.
I couldn’t remember my mothers face.
5
The Passage of Time
“Happy birthday Mandy!”
“Sue you daft cow! It’s not my birthday…”
“No Mandy, it is. You joined our little gang exactly one year ago today, that was the birth of your new life, the new you, therefore, happy birthday new Amanda!” She hugged me warmly. “Look, whoever you were before, you are now someone totally different now. Oh, and to that end.” She handed over an envelope. “A little gift.”
I opened the envelope, tipping the contents onto the palm of my hand. “A driving licence?” I looked at the plastic card in my hand. “Amanda Spence? Who’s she?”
“You… Silly!” Sue smiled. “Look, it has your photo on. It’s good enough to pass for ID if you need to have a drink, I wouldn’t try to fool a copper with it.”
“Where on earth do you get a driving licence for me in another name?”
“Ah… That would be telling. Let’s just say that London is a big place and I have made some useful friends.” She winked. “Just to help your new start properly. You can put whoever you were behind for good now…”
“Thanks, Sue…”
“Oh don’t thank me yet…” She sniggered. “You may have a few more birthday surprises to come…”
I watched as she walked away, shrugging at what she may have meant. It had been an exciting year. With hard work and lots of studies, I’d passed my first examinations and now had just one more exam and a riding test between me and a formal qualification as a riding instructor. I’d finally settled into my new life, as basic as it was. I was putting aside some of my meagre wages each week, tucked into a pair of old boots which lay beneath my bunk, keeping something for a rainy day.
The work was hard yet, cathartic, I would end each day hungry for the terrible food having built up an appetite sweeping, mucking out, riding and teaching. I would smile and laugh most days also as our small band of grooms entertained ourselves with silly humour and practical jokes. There were no doubt better places to be, however, this was pretty sound for now and I was with my best friends. I honestly didn’t want to be anywhere else.
On my one day off a week, I had started to explore London and had, finally, after many false starts, been able to navigate the buses and tubes without getting hopelessly lost. Michelle had helped me on the first few trips out as I had nervously navigated the underground and had stumbled on the escalators, much to her amusement.
I’d never been someone for whom culture was a great part of my life, but exposure to the free museums and galleries as well as the many landmarks of the Capital had awakened an interest within me and I would spend many a happy afternoon browsing and have started to create an interest and appreciation for equestrian art. I kept this new found love pretty much to myself however as I knew the others would laugh at my ‘posh’ ways. I smiled to myself at the thought.
“Amanda?” Anne leaned out of the office door.
“Hello…” Amanda sat down in the cracked plastic seat which sat opposite the large office desk. Anne smiled pushing a chipped mug across the surface. “Oh, thanks!”
“How are you doing? No, don’t look so alarmed, there’s nothing wrong.” She laughed as she watched my face drop. “I just wanted to be sure that you were happy. Please, don’t be nervous. I’ll support you and all my girls as much as I can. You’re family to me.” She paused. “It’s just it’s been a year, it seems to have gone quickly.”
“Oh Anne, I love it here. I have to be honest, when I first
