Amanda shouted, pushing Adam down towards the door which was now beneath them. He tried the handle but the door was jammed, Amanda kicked at the door, slamming her riding boots into the lock and frame until it shattered allowing them to force their way out of the horsebox, there was little space as the vehicle was on its side. Amanda looked up, the road was above them, they were at the foot of an embankment. A burst of heat flared, knocking her from her feet, she scrambled to cover Adam, pushing him back.
Amanda struggled to her feet, walking towards the front of the horsebox, she gasped as she saw that the cab had been destroyed and was on fire. She tried to approach but the heat of the flames kept her back. She was grabbed by the shoulders, dragged back from the cab, she glanced back to see a woman grasping her, Adam was being comforted by another person. The sound of sirens above them cut through the air.
Amanda was passed to a police officer, who took her back, she struggled, fighting against the officers grasp as she was pushed into the back of the police car beside her brother. She slammed her fists on the window, screaming as she watched the thick black smoke rose from the side of the road, there was a sudden explosion and a blast of heat which she could feel through the glass.
She watched in horror, as smoke and flames rose from the embankment, gasping as she watched the three horses being led away by firefighters. She waited to see her parents, there were ambulances lined up beside the police cars and she and Adam were taken and attended to. Her questions were ignored, she was told that they would find out how her parents were, however, looks around and the nervous glances from the police and paramedics told them all she needed to know. She demanded an answer, shouting and yelling until a female police officer sat her down, shaking her head and saying how sorry she was…
***
The scream caught in my throat, I awoke drenched in sweat, sheets across the floor, Breathing deeply, listening to the ticking of the clock on the bedside table and the snores of my roommates.
I
JUST TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE
1
A Life In Care
“I am not telling you again.” The banging on the door intensified. “Right! You want to stay there, you stay there, but there’ll be no dinner for you, young lady.” I looked up at the closed bathroom door as the footsteps faded into the distance. Sighing I wiped my eyes. I couldn’t hide here forever, before long I would have to face the others, the wrath of Susan and her cronies. It wasn’t the physical harm I was scared of, I knew Susan’s fists would inflict only bruises, no worse than those inflicted during the hours spent at the stables. It was the humiliation, the constant erosion of my self-belief, to the point that I believed the words, the taunts. When you are told so many times you are ugly, stupid or worthless anyone would start to believe it was true.
The cold from the tiled floor seeped into my bones, I stood up slowly and looked into the mirror, this was me. My scruffy short brown hair, unlike some of the other girls, I didn’t spend hours brushing and finessing my hair, it was short so that it fits under my riding hat without fuss or a hairnet, I would spend hours plaiting one of the horses at the stables but my own hair was a second thought. My face was plain, I was not a ‘pretty girl’, again I could not see the point of lipstick and all the other bottles and tubes the other girls would spend hours applying to their skin just so they could look false. The horses I rode didn’t care what I looked like and nobody else would take the time to pay me any attention. My nails were clipped short with dirt beneath them. The other girls hated me, I didn’t fit it. I was dirty and smelly, even though I showered and kept clean. I guessed it must be jealousy, I was allowed, twice a week to go to a stable yard on the outskirts of the city and spend hours mucking out and grooming in exchange for a short ride on one of the riding school horses. That was my escape, the only place I could truly be me.
How I wanted to get away from this place, to escape the St Neots Residential Home. It would have been called an orphanage once, I suppose, but now such places hide behind different names. I knew the chances of me getting out of here were nigh on impossible, and, more importantly, I had to stay to protect my brother.
Yes, I would tell myself, I was treated this way because of something I had done and the only way to redeem myself would be to prevent Adam being bullied in the same way. This single thought meant I could cope with any provocation if it meant that he could get through the long days in the home safely.
The rumbling of the road outside brought sharply me back to the reality of where I was. I had been remembering my past life, the farm, the horses and the open air, by beautiful parents. Replaced with this, an inner-city children’s home, trapped beside a dual carriageway thronged with traffic day and night and nobody who loved me or who I could look up to. I missed the silence, the peace. Stolen moments riding my pony beneath the trees lining the of the fields, the long gallop along the top field and the view across the valley below. I missed love. That
