Lachlan flashed me a grin, but it was cold. Wounded.
“You were everything I thought I didn’t want or need, no matter how physically attracted to you I was. But I came to see something in you.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked as he glared at me.
“I saw how much you cared. About your family, about Mac, about Lucy and Eredine, and the people who work for you. I saw the weight of responsibility you carry on your shoulders, responsibility men like you don’t need to feel.”
“Men like me?”
“Men who can afford to pay others to shoulder that responsibility. But that’s not you. I came to admire you, and because of that, I took a risk on you. And I know it was my risk to take. You even warned me … I fell, anyway.”
His hands curled into fists at his sides.
“I’m in love with you,” I admitted, tears thick in my throat. “I love you. And yet somehow right now, I hate you too.”
Lachlan flinched.
“And even though you’ve disappointed me, hurt me … I know you can’t help it. I don’t want you to end up alone, Lachlan.” I shook my head. “I know it’s not me, but one day I hope you find the person you love enough to prioritize, to battle your demons for.”
At his winded expression, I turned and climbed into the waiting SUV.
Mac looked over his shoulder from the front passenger seat. “You okay?”
I shook my head.
Not now. Not yet.
My chest felt like it was too full of air, painful pressure making it hard to think. Taking a few meditative, calming breaths, I sank back in the seat as the engine started and closed my eyes.
I wished for numbness.
For now, feeling nothing sounded so much better than feeling everything.
* * *
LACHLAN
“And even though you’ve disappointed me, hurt me … I know you can’t help it. I don’t want you to end up alone, Lachlan. I know it’s not me, but one day I hope you find the person you love enough to prioritize, to battle your demons for.”
He watched the SUV drive away, a mounting panic knocking the breath right out of him.
If he couldn’t get past his fears for Robyn, then it was never going to happen.
Because he loved her.
He loved that woman more than he knew it was possible to love another human being.
So what’s worse? he wondered, agonized.
Throwing her away before they could build a life together?
Or risking the chance of building that life only to lose it?
Was a limited amount of time with the woman he loved better than no time at all?
He knew only one person who might have that answer.
* * *
ROBYN
Mac’s neat guest bedroom looked cozy and warm. Soft, golden light blazed from the bedside lamps, my suitcase laid at the foot of the bed, and the robe I’d bought from a boutique in Inverness was draped across the bed. While I’d been downstairs in his kitchen, hugging a mug of hot coffee between my hands, Mac was upstairs readying my room.
My camera gear had been set up near the window with care. He’d even lit a few nice-smelling candles that I’m sure Arrochar or someone must have bought him.
The consideration of it pierced the numbness I felt.
Mac’s arm slid along my shoulders, and he squeezed me against his side.
“You’re sure I’m not intruding?”
He kissed my temple. “Wee birdie, you could never intrude. I’m delighted to have you here.”
I looked up at him. “Are you happy to be home?”
“I am.”
Sensing his answer was sincere, I decided not to kick my own ass about the fact that we were splitting security resources by moving out of the castle. But I couldn’t stay there, across the hall from the man who rejected me when I was most vulnerable, when I needed him the most.
It was hard to reconcile my mind and my heart on this one. My heart was broken. Whether I’d meant to or not, I’d subconsciously been weaving a fantasy future for me and Lachlan, building my hopes for it on the idea that he was it. He was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Two people didn’t connect the way we had without knowing that it’s special, that it’s it.
Yet he wasn’t my future. I wasn’t it for him. And my brain kept telling me that I shouldn’t mourn a man who would abandon me like this, who would cut me out of his life. My brain was right. My heart was just having a hard time accepting that truth.
34
Lachlan
“Don’t, Eilidh.”
“I just want to say hello.”
“He’s sleeping.”
“Oh … he smells funny.”
“Eilidh, come on. Dad said not to disturb Uncle Lachlan.”
“But I want a cuddle.”
A weight spread across his chest. “Morning, Uncle Lachlan.” He felt the whisper of breath across his neck.
He peeled his eyes open, the blurry ceiling the first thing he saw before the aching pound started in his head. Dark hair came into his vision, and he glanced down to see his adorable niece sprawled across his chest like a sea star. Her chin rested on his upper chest, her big blues locked with his.
She beamed up at him. “Morning, Uncle Lachlan,” she repeated.
Despite the throbbing in his head and edges of the room tilting slightly when he moved, he couldn’t help but grin at Eilidh as he wrapped his arms around her. “Morning, angel. Where did you come from?”
“Sorry, Uncle Lachlan.” Lewis appeared at the side of the bed. “Dad said not to wake you.”
He reached out to ruffle his nephew’s hair. “It’s okay. What time is it?” His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton wool balls.
“Eight. We’re just getting ready for school.”
“I thought I told you not to come in here?” Thane strode into his guest bedroom.
The house Thane designed was situated on Adair land outside Ardnoch in a small, barely populated area
