Neither of them gave me any concern, but I still played it safe anyway.
I turned when I heard the gentle hum of a Greyhound bus not far away. Its headlights were bright, and I walked forward to meet it. The streetlamp above the steel bench flickered several times as the bus pulled up in front of me. It was a newer model, the chrome along its sides still glimmering with metallic shine. I climbed aboard and the driver asked for my ticket.
I gave him the name the Father gave me instead.
He pulled open an app on a tablet and scanned down a list of names. Once he found mine, he nodded and put it down.
“Pick whatever seat you like. We don’t have another stop until we hit Lucerne, so get comfortable. Restrooms are all the way in the back,” he explained.
“Thanks. I appreciate it,” I answered and smiled. I kept my head down though. I didn’t want to be too memorable.
I made my way down the bus and took an open window seat. There wasn’t a great deal of people on the bus. Maybe this route wasn’t particularly well traveled, or it was just an off night, but I was grateful for that.
I leaned my head back against the headrest. With a heavy sigh, I started dreading the mental battle that I knew was coming. I had to disconnect from Dean, and I had to do it sooner rather than later. The more I allowed myself to feel for him, the more it was going to hurt in the end.
I let go of my worry about what the Father was going to do. For now, I’d believe his words at face value. I knew he didn’t typically play games, so I relied on that to try to alleviate the agitation that kept pulsing beneath my skin. I kept telling myself that over and over until I believed it.
I was still an asset to the family. I’d made them a great deal of money and even the Father knew I could make him more where that came from.
I turned my head and peered out the window, seeing nothing but darkness outside it. Occasionally, we’d pass a small building on the side of the road or a well-lit park of some kind, but I didn’t really pay close enough attention to see any of it.
Instead, my thoughts were consumed with the man I’d run away from for a second time.
At least you aren’t stealing his money this time. This time, it’s worse because he stole your heart first.
I was doing it to save his life. There was no way I could be selfish enough to stay even though that I was having very real feelings for the first time in my life.
I don’t know where I had gone wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and it most certainly wasn’t supposed to break my heart when I walked away.
The bus went dark, and I pulled up the thin hood of my shirt, so that it covered my hair. There was music playing just loud enough to be peaceful and not overtly annoying. I turned my head toward the window, just as the first tear dripped down my cheek.
I sobbed in silence, allowing myself to hurt for just this one night. I grieved the loss of the first real love of my life, knowing that I could never see him again. I’d never feel his touch on my skin or his kisses along my neck.
I said goodbye to Dean, but it was even harder to say goodbye to Daddy.
A fresh sob tore from my chest and my hand rushed to cover my mouth so that I didn’t make a sound. I didn’t want anyone to ask what was wrong. I just wanted to be alone as I suffered through my own self-made heartbreak.
Tomorrow would be a better day. It wouldn’t hurt as much when the sun rose if I just cried it all out tonight.
Chapter 7
That night, I cried myself to sleep and when the sun rose in the morning, I blinked groggily awake. Someone was pushing a cart through the aisle and silently handed me a Styrofoam cup full of coffee and as I took a sip, I was convinced that it was just straight up gasoline.
There wasn’t any creamer except the terrible powdered stuff, so I just let it cool before I took another sip.
It helped. Sort of.
Actually, that was a lie. It was still one hundred percent jet fuel. I drank it anyway.
The bus was passing more urbanized areas now and the sound of the driver’s exhausted voice drawled over the speaker system. With a heavy sigh, he announced that we’d be arriving at the bus terminal in just about twenty minutes. I was looking forward to being able to get up and stand after sitting in the same position for so long.
I blearily drank the rest of the sorry excuse for coffee, hoping the caffeine would chase away the achiness in my limbs. It didn’t and I slumped forward. Maybe once I was able to walk around, my sore muscles would relax.
When the bus started to slow, I looked out the windows and took in my surroundings. All around me were ancient-looking buildings complete with picturesque red roofs and brilliantly pristine white plaster that practically glowed in the sunlight. The city looked warm and homey and like something out of a fairy tale. The kind of place a girl could dream of living.
I couldn’t dwell here though. This was only temporary.
The bus pulled up to the stop as the brakes squealed and the air-locked door opened with a whoosh. The bus emptied and I pushed myself into the aisle. I was one of the last
