“What kind of look?” Jessie asked.
“I realize now that it was satisfaction, maybe even that pride you’re so sure he feels for us. He was actually glad that Jordan was going after his dream,” he said, a note of astonishment in his voice. “Jordan even admitted to me later that he’d had an awfully easy time landing his first desk job in the oil business. He always had a hunch that Daddy had made a call or two.”
“Could be,” Jessie said. “Too bad he hasn’t tackled Jordan’s social life. It’s time he settled down. I think he’s finally ready.”
“Really?” Luke shook his head, clearly bemused by the discoveries he was making once he looked past those deeply ingrained resentments. “That would be something to see. I think Jordan’s going to surprise us all when he finally falls in love.”
“What about Cody? How did Harlan deal with him?” Jessie asked.
“In his heart, Cody was the one who always wanted White Pines,” Luke said. “Unlike Jordan or me, Daddy kept pushing him toward the door. The harder he pushed, the more Cody dug in his heels and made himself indispensable around here. The next thing we knew he’d built himself a little house down the road and was acting as foreman.”
Three brothers, Jessie thought, all a little stronger because Harlan had had the wisdom to make them fight for their choices in life, rather than handing them a future on a silver platter.
And then there was Erik.
“Erik was the only one the technique backfired with,” she said softly. “He was never like the rest of you. He was gentle, eager to please. You said yourself the other day that he was the diplomat. Whenever Harlan pushed him, he backed down, tried to find a middle ground, hoping to win his father’s approval. Instead, Harlan just grew more and more impatient with him.”
Luke reached for her hand. Jessie supposed he meant it only as a gesture of comfort, but it made her senses spin. She couldn’t have pulled away, though, if her life had depended on it. Fortunately, she supposed, Luke broke off the contact all too soon.
“I suppose the real skill in parenting is understanding each child’s personality,” Luke said thoughtfully. “Daddy said just last night how amazed he was at how different we were. Maybe if he’d recognized that sooner, Erik wouldn’t have suffered so, trying to be something he wasn’t. And you wouldn’t have lost him.”
Jessie took a deep breath and met Luke’s gaze. It was time to tell him everything and see where it led them. “I suspect I was destined to lose him one way or another. At least this way he never had to lose me to another man.”
Luke choked on the sip of wine he’d just taken. His eyes watered as he stared at her with astonishment written all over his face. “What are you saying?” he demanded.
Jessie drew in a deep breath. She wasn’t going to let him mistake her meaning with subtleties. “That I was in love with you long before Erik died,” she admitted boldly.
Luke was shaking his head before she completed the sentence. “Don’t say that,” he protested.
“Why not? It’s true.” She leveled a gaze into his troubled eyes. “Why do you think I left here after Erik died?”
“Because you couldn’t bear to be around me, knowing I’d caused his death,” Luke said.
Jessie decided she’d already opened the door. It was time to walk through it.
“No,” she told him softly, but adamantly. “Because I was filled with guilt over my feelings for you. From the day Erik and I moved into White Pines, I felt this connection to you. I didn’t want it. I couldn’t explain it. I certainly could never have acted on it, but it was there, just under the surface, tormenting me.”
Tears welled up in her eyes, spilled down her cheeks. “You have no idea how guilty I felt when he died. A tiny part of me was actually glad that I would never have to make a decision to leave him. I don’t think I could have, no matter how badly I wanted to. I could never have hurt him that way. For all of his weaknesses, Erik was good to me. He deserved better than he got from me. He deserved my whole heart, instead of just a piece of it.”
She thought back to the few moments she’d had with Erik at the hospital after Luke had come to tell her that her husband was dying. Alert for just a heartbeat, he’d turned that gentle, understanding gaze of his on her.
“Be happy, Jessie,” he’d whispered, clutching her hand in his.
“Not without you,” she’d insisted, as the life slowly seeped from his body with each weakening beat of his heart.
He’d squeezed her hand fiercely. “Tell him, Jessie.” Then more emphatically, he’d said, “Tell Luke.”
At first she hadn’t realized what he meant. “What?” she’d pleaded. “Tell Luke what?”
He’d struggled for air, then managed to choke out two words. “Love him.”
“Of course, I will tell him that you love him,” she’d soothed, caressing his cheek.
He’d smiled faintly at that. “Not me. You.”
Remembering how stunned she’d been, how consumed with guilt, Jessie thought no man had ever displayed more love, more generosity than Erik when he’d clung to her hand and said, “’S okay, Jessie.”
“Oh, Erik, forgive me,” she’d pleaded.
That sweet smile spread across his face one last time. “Nothing to forgive,” he’d whispered. “I love you.”
She gazed across the table at Luke and wondered how much she should tell him about Erik’s final words. Would they free him to love her?
Or, as they had with
