In the meantime, he’d just have to settle for getting her to decide on the paint before the store closed for the night.
Deanna was slamming pots and pans around in the kitchen when Ruby got home that night. Ruby stood in the doorway and watched her warily.
“You and Sean have a fight?”
“Nope.”
“You did go to pick out paint at lunchtime, right?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And nothing,” Deanna grumbled, then sank onto a chair. “The man is making me crazy. Out of the blue, right there in the middle of the hardware store, he kissed me as if there were no tomorrow.”
Ruby stared. “Oh, my. Were you embarrassed?”
“No, not really.”
“Mad?” Apparently, curiosity won out over wariness, because Ruby risked coming in and sitting down at the table.
“Only because there wasn’t time to finish what he’d started,” Deanna admitted. “I have never wanted a man to make love to me so badly in my life. If he’d pushed just a little harder, I would have gone home with him then and there. Instead, he gave up.”
“You mean he took no for an answer,” Ruby teased. “Isn’t that what a gentleman’s supposed to do?”
“Well, of course it is,” Deanna conceded impatiently. “But it was annoying just the same. He should have figured out what I really wanted.”
“Men who think they know what a woman wants when she’s saying no tend to get themselves in a whole lot of trouble,” Ruby pointed out. “I’m sure Sean knows that. I think you’d better be a little more specific if you really want him to make love to you. Maybe set the scene, light some candles, put some flowers on the table, cook him a fabulous meal, kiss him till he can’t breathe.”
Deanna sighed at the suggestion. “Oh, yeah, that’s easy for you. You date all the time. You have confidence in yourself. I’ve been dumped by the only man I ever made love with. Maybe I’m really lousy at sex. Maybe I send out hands-off vibes.”
She knew that wasn’t entirely true. She had evidence that Sean wanted her, verbal evidence and solid proof, so to speak. His arousal today—and on other occasions, for that matter—had been unmistakable.
“Oh, please,” Ruby said. “Frankie Blackwell was a selfish, inconsiderate rat. He left because he was an irresponsible, immature idiot who thought you were going to be his meal ticket, not because you weren’t good in bed. He and Sean Devaney are nothing alike.” She regarded Deanna intently. “Is it really about being scared you’re not sexy, or is it about the fact that you’re terrified because you have feelings for Sean, the kind of feelings you’d told yourself you would never have again?”
“I don’t have feelings for him, not the way you mean,” Deanna insisted heatedly. “I just want to make love with him. He’s gorgeous. He’s sexy. It’s all about lust, nothing more.”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “If you were the type to go in for uncomplicated sex, I’d be the first to tell you to go for it, but you’re not. You’re the happily-ever-after type. You want romance and commitment. You’ve got a kid. You’re not going to indulge your hormones on a whim. If you were, you’d have done it long ago. You’ve had chances.”
“None worth considering,” Deanna said defensively. “And I could have uncomplicated sex. I’m not opposed to it.”
“Oh, please,” Ruby said dismissively. “How many times have you told me that you don’t even like to date because it might be confusing for Kevin? Now you’re willing to go to bed with a guy because you’re in lust with him? I don’t think so. It’s more than that. You’re completely crazy about Sean. You’re at least half in love with him, if not head over heels. Why not admit it and go from there? Men like Sean Devaney don’t come along every day, you know.”
Deanna flatly refused to consider that possibility. She didn’t want to be in love, therefore she wasn’t. Period. “I’m not going to admit to anything, because you’re wrong,” she said emphatically.
“I have one word for you—denial.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deanna insisted. But the sad truth was, Ruby had pegged it.
And that was the crux of the problem. Deep down, buried in a part of her heart she hadn’t listened to for years, were feelings she wasn’t ready to acknowledge, not aloud, not even to herself. Deep down she knew she wanted more from Sean than sex. A tiny untested part of her wanted the one thing he’d vowed never to do. She wanted to get married, have a family with him and live happily ever after.
Those were the kind of feelings, hopes and dreams that led to heartache. It was far better—safer—to pretend they didn’t exist. It was far wiser to accept that there were limits to the relationship. Sean certainly thought there were. His reasons were valid. So were hers.
Deanna might believe with all her heart that Sean was capable of making that kind of commitment to a future, that he was steady and dependable and would never abandon his family the way his father and mother had abandoned him—the way Frankie had abandoned her.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t the one who needed to have faith in him. Sean had to have faith in himself. Without that, it didn’t matter what she wanted or what she needed. Thinking she could control Sean’s emotions—could heal old hurts for him—was a surefire way to get her own heart broken.
She met Ruby’s worried gaze and forced a smile. “Stop looking at me like that. I know what I’m talking about.”
“You’re deluding yourself,” Ruby insisted, clearly unconvinced. “Stop making assumptions about what Sean does or doesn’t want. Tell him how you really feel. Total honesty is the only way to get what you want.”
Deanna regarded her curiously. “Have you told Hank
