“Since you were having this conversation with my grandmother, why do I have a feeling it had to do with what I did to you?”
He slanted a look her way, a smile on his lips. “Because she thinks my attitude toward you is a little too unyielding.”
“It is,” Emily agreed, then grinned. “But I get it, Boone. I hurt you. And, to be honest, I haven’t been cutting you much slack, either.”
“To hear you tell it, though, I hurt you right back when I married Jenny.”
“Yep,” she confirmed. “I took it personally, no question about it.”
“I thought you’d be relieved.”
She stared at him incredulously. “Relieved? Why? I’d told you I loved you. I thought it was understood that you’d wait for me.”
“Sweetheart, trust me. If you tell a guy you love him as you’re walking out of his life, it makes it a little hard to believe. You might want to keep that in mind if the occasion ever arises again.”
She recalled how devastated she’d felt when she’d learned he was marrying Jenny. “Did you have to turn to someone else so fast?”
He shrugged. “What can I say? I was lost without you, and I was hurt and angry. Jenny was right there. She made no secret of being in love with me. There were no games, no pretenses, no hidden agendas. She wanted marriage and a family. That held a lot of appeal after you telling me you weren’t ready for any of that.”
She forced herself to ask, “Did you love her, Boone?”
He glanced at her, his expression unreadable. “Will it make you feel better if I say no? The truth is I did love her, Emily. Otherwise I wouldn’t have married her. At least I like to think I’m a better man than that.”
Emily felt the unexpected sting of tears in her eyes. Somehow she’d held out hope that there’d been no love between them, but how selfish was that? Had she honestly hoped that Boone had sentenced himself to a loveless marriage?
“I’m sorry,” she said, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for. Was it for his loss or for her own childish desire to have remained first in his heart? “Were you happy?”
He gave her another long look, then said, “Yeah, I was. And when B.J. came along, I thought I had everything I ever wanted.”
Emily smiled. “I can understand that. He’s an amazing kid.”
“He’s certainly taken a shine to you,” Boone said, still not sounding especially happy about that.
“Well, the feeling is mutual. I hope you won’t keep him away because of what happened today.”
“Oh, I’m tempted to do just that,” he admitted, then added in a resigned tone, “but I doubt I could if I tried. B.J. is very clever about getting his way. I seem highly susceptible to his tactics. Jenny was a much tougher disciplinarian than I am. And since she died, I want him to have whatever he wants or needs. That’s probably going to come back and bite me in the butt one of these days.”
“I don’t think so. You know what I see in him? I see a boy who knows he’s loved and responds to that. I don’t see him taking advantage of it. He’s a very responsible kid.”
“He’s had to grow up too soon.”
“You know he worries about you,” Emily told him. “He doesn’t like to bring up his mother because he knows it makes you sad.”
Boone sighed. “I know. I heard him tell you that earlier. It ripped me apart. I guess we need to have a talk about that. I need to reassure him that he can talk to me about Jenny anytime he wants to.”
“That’s what I told him.”
“I know. You were very good with him.”
She slanted a look at him. “You sound surprised.”
“I suppose I am, a little. I never had the sense that having kids was a big deal to you. That was another reason I thought any future for the two of us was doomed.”
Emily frowned at the assessment, though she understood where it came from. “Just because I wasn’t ready for kids ten years ago doesn’t mean I never thought about having them. You were just ahead of me. It scared me how ready you were for everything—a wife, a family, settling down. I felt as if I was just starting out. There were so many places I wanted to see, things I wanted to achieve.”
“And you thought being with me would get in the way of all that,” he said.
“Sure.”
“Being married and having B.J. didn’t stop me from starting my restaurant, expanding into a couple of other markets.”
“Obviously you turned out to be a better multitasker than I am. I thought I needed to focus a hundred percent on my dream.”
“So, have you achieved everything you wanted to achieve?” he asked.
“Not everything, but I do have an amazing career.”
“And a personal life?”
“I date,” she hedged.
“Anybody special?”
She shook her head, reluctant somehow to admit that there was no one—other than a few clients—who’d even notice that she was away from Los Angeles for an extended period of time. It sounded too pitiful, even to her, despite the fact that she was mostly perfectly content with her life. It was as if losing the most important relationship of her life had soured her on ever trying again.
“Too busy to get serious, I guess,” she said eventually. “You? Have you been dating?”
“I’ve been out a few times, but it’s too soon for me to be bringing anyone new into B.J.’s life. I have plenty on my plate without worrying about a relationship these days. And I’m trying to be respectful of the Farmers’ feelings. Jenny’s death crushed them. If I got serious about someone, they’d hate me for attempting to replace her. There’s enough ill will between us already.”
“You don’t get along with your in-laws?”
“We do okay, as long as I don’t rock the boat. Dating right now would be rocking the boat big-time.”
“Our reasons may be
