“Pretty much what I’ve been hearing, too,” she confirmed. “Ethan said that, as well?”
“And a lot more,” Boone said. He finally looked her directly in the eyes. “I wish I honestly knew what we should do next, Em. From the minute you left town, I told myself not to look back. Then there was Jenny, and she made it easier to look forward. So did B.J. Now, Jenny’s gone, and here you are again.”
“And you see taking a chance on me as taking a step backward?” she suggested.
He nodded. “It might not be fair, but, yes.”
“Then why are you here, Boone? Seriously. Not even Ethan could persuade you to do something you didn’t feel right about.”
He shrugged, looking genuinely bewildered and surprisingly vulnerable. “Because I can’t seem to stay away,” he admitted with unmistakable reluctance. “You’re still in my blood, apparently, and I know I’ll kick myself from now till doomsday if I don’t seize this chance to see if anything’s left between us. Anything real, I mean, not just my memories and a few solid-gold fantasies.”
Despite all the positives in that response, Emily heard only the unspoken misgivings. “You don’t sound happy about this decision.”
He smiled. “Can’t say that I am. I always thought I was supposed to learn from my mistakes, not repeat them.”
Though she could have taken offense, she saw his point. Would it be a painful mistake to try to rekindle what once was?
“Maybe we should do this one day at a time,” she suggested, looking for that middle ground Gabi had mentioned earlier. “No pressure. No huge expectations.”
“But there is pressure,” he said. “You announced earlier that you’re leaving, and suddenly I feel as if we have to settle this in the next fifteen minutes or something.”
He gave her a sad look. “It’d be funny if it weren’t so tragic. Falling in love with you back then was so easy. I never once gave it a second thought. It just was, like the beat of my heart or breathing.”
“And now?”
“You tell me,” he said. “Does anything about this feel easy? The way I see it there are complications galore, maybe even more than last time. Now we both have careers, we have established lives.” He gave her a wry look. “And I have in-laws who are just waiting for me to screw up.”
Emily frowned at that. “Meaning?”
“Jenny’s parents—well, her mother, anyway—would love nothing more than to find an excuse to sue me for custody of B.J. I’m trying really hard to avoid that. Not that Jodie could win, but she could make my life and B.J.’s hell for a while.”
Emily didn’t even try to hide her dismay. “Do you honestly think she’d be so vindictive?” she asked, finding it almost impossible to believe anyone would hold that sort of threat over a father’s head.
“I’d rather not find out,” he said.
“Then maybe being scared and cautious is smart.” she conceded. “Why rattle her cage for no good reason? And maybe most important, there’s B.J. to take into account. If we tried and it didn’t work and he got hurt, I know it would rip your heart out, but it would kill me, too.”
“Then what the heck are we supposed to do, Em?” he asked in frustration. “Give up?”
That would surely be the easy, safe choice, she thought. But was it what she wanted? She studied this man who’d once been the most important thing in her world, until her horizons had broadened. Here he was again, putting his feelings on the line. Had her horizons reached a more inclusive stage, one where there would be room for love and marriage and family? Or would she only wind up letting him down? Was she crazy for even considering starting over? Or was he the crazy one for giving her an opening to break his heart for a second time, especially if that custody threat was real?
Unfortunately there was no way to answer those questions without taking a chance. Life was full of risks. Avoiding them might be comfortable, but was it really living?
She stood up and took a tentative step in his direction, then gestured to the seat next to him on the glider. “Is it okay?”
He chuckled at her hesitation. “You afraid I might try to have my way with you?”
“More afraid that you won’t,” she admitted, settling next to him. He put his arm around her then, and she released a sigh. It felt exactly as she’d remembered. More than coming back to this house, this community, sitting here with Boone’s arm around her shoulders felt like coming home. He still smelled of the same citrus-scented aftershave, still felt solid and safe.
Now, if only he’d kiss her as if he meant it, the kind of kiss that had always been a prelude to much, much more. She turned to face him, only to see an amused glint in his eyes.
“Not the answer,” he murmured, touching a finger to her lips.
Only the apparent disappointment in his eyes made the firm response easier to bear.
“You sure about that?” she asked, not even trying to hide her frustration. “We could go for a drive, park someplace where it’s secluded and dark the way we used to.”
“I’m not sure of a lot,” he responded, “but I am sure of that. Making love to you would be easy and memorable, just the way it always was, but it doesn’t hold the answers.”
“Then what does?”
“You said it earlier,” he told her. “Time. We need to agree to give this a chance, see where it leads.”
It all sounded reasonable and sensible, except for one thing. “Boone, I am leaving. I can put it off a day or two, but I will have to go. What happens then?”
He held her gaze, then released a sigh. “I guess if we intend to pursue this, then we’d both better sign up for one of those unlimited calling and data
