“But it must make you sad when I say that,” Lexie said knowingly. “I know how hard you’re trying to make everything seem normal.”
Lynn managed a smile for her daughter. She sometimes wondered if faking a smile would get easier with practice, but so far it hadn’t.
“I think it’s obvious that things aren’t normal and no amount of pretending is going to change that.” She tucked a finger under Lexie’s chin. “Now look at me. You love your dad and, despite what’s happened between the two of us, I know he loves you. I will never stand in the way of that.”
“Then how come he hasn’t been around for so long?”
Lynn sighed. “I wish I could explain your father’s actions, but I can’t. Maybe he’s been extra busy at work.”
“I tried his cell phone, but it went to voice mail, and Noelle in his office said he’s away,” Lexie said, proving that she’d gone as close to the source as she could get for answers. “She sounded kinda funny when I called, so I don’t think it’s on business. Do you know where he went?”
Lynn didn’t want to explain about the golf trip to Lexie. Lexie was feeling unimportant enough as it was. Besides, Lynn didn’t know for sure. Rumors were always rampant in Serenity. Only some of them proved to be true.
“Not really,” she told her daughter, whose tears were finally drying up, though the stricken expression on her face was still there. “Why don’t I see what I can find out tomorrow, so you’ll know when he’s due home. Will that help?”
Lexie nodded. “You know what I don’t get? How can I still miss him so much, when I’m so mad at him?”
Lynn allowed herself a small and this time genuine smile at the very complex question. Hadn’t she wondered the exact same thing herself more than once? As furious as she was at Ed most of the time these days, there were moments when the thought of never having his arms around her again made her want to weep.
“Relationships are complicated, sweetie. Love doesn’t go away just because someone’s done something to disappoint you. You know how mad I get when Jeremy drinks milk right out of the carton or when you leave damp towels all over the bathroom floor?” She tickled Lexie. “I still love you.”
“Or what about when you tell me ten times to clean up my room?” Lexie asked, getting into the spirit of the teasing. “I get annoyed, but I still love you.”
“Or when you deliberately disobey me no matter how many times I tell you you’re not allowed to have a snack right before dinner?” Lynn said.
Unfortunately, that one caused Lexie’s grin to fade. “Like there’s anything here to have for a snack these days.”
Once again, Lynn felt the weight of every bit of unanticipated fallout from the divorce. There were the huge things, like Ed not being around when the kids needed him or the mortgage payments being late again and again. And there were the seemingly trivial ones like this, no after-school snacks. Added together she felt as if she’d failed her kids. No matter how much she wanted to lay all the blame squarely at Ed’s feet, she couldn’t. She was their mom. She should be finding a way to provide for her children. Going to work for Raylene had been a start, but it obviously wasn’t enough, not when Ed wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain.
She vowed right then to take on a second job, even if it meant frying burgers at one of the new fast-food restaurants outside of town, anything to put an end to the dismay of seeing her children suffer because of decisions she and Ed had made.
“I’m sorry,” Lexie whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was mean.”
“It was the truth,” Lynn said, then added with determination, “but not for long.”
Lexie regarded her hopefully. “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll find a better job, one with more hours. Or another part-time job,” Lynn said.
“Maybe I could get some babysitting jobs,” Lexie offered eagerly.
“I appreciate your wanting to do that, but I’d like you to be a little older before you take on that kind of responsibility,” Lynn said. “Right now your job is to get great grades so you can get into whatever college you’d like to go to. I want you and Jeremy to have the most amazing futures you can possibly have, and you’ll need college degrees for that.”
“You always say that,” Lexie protested, as yet unconcerned about the importance of winning a scholarship if she expected to get into a terrific school. She was focused on the here and now. “Lots of kids my age babysit. You let me stay with Jeremy.”
“He’s ten and he’s your brother,” Lynn reminded her. “It’s not quite the same thing as taking care of a baby or a toddler.”
“What if I took the babysitting certification class at the community center? Then could I?” She gave Lynn a pleading look. “Please. I want to help out.”
“If you do that and pass the course, then we’ll see. But this will be for your savings and your spending money, okay? It’s not up to you to chip in for expenses around here.”
Lexie threw her arms around Lynn. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll sign up tomorrow. I already know lots of people who need babysitters. The minute I pass the class, I’m going to hand out flyers.”
Lynn smiled at her enthusiasm, wishing she could muster up that same level of excitement for her own job hunt. “Okay, my little entrepreneur. For now get some sleep. Love you.”
“Love you, Mom.”
Lynn turned out the light on her way out the door, but the second she was gone, Lexie flipped it back on. Lynn smiled, knowing exactly what she was up to. She was texting Mandy the big news about taking that babysitting course. She was probably hoping to get her
