Ethan laughed. “Don’t let Emily hear you say that. Women care about the flowers, the dresses and all the rest. There will come a day when understanding that is real important to your peace of mind.”
B.J. looked blank. “Huh?”
“Never mind. Let me take care of something, and then I’ll come inside and beat your socks off at that game.”
“You can’t beat me,” B.J. boasted. “Not even Dad beats me. I am the champion of North Carolina, maybe even the whole world.”
Here was a kid who’d never have a problem with self-image, Ethan thought, smiling. Maybe he should ask B.J. to spend a little time with his group. He could teach the kids a thing or two about unbridled self-confidence. Of course, Boone was the one responsible. He was one of those dads who thought his child could accomplish anything and let him know it.
“I’ll meet you inside and we’ll see,” Ethan told him, grinning, deciding it was way past time to stop giving the kid an edge when they played.
As B.J. scampered off, Ethan saw Boone stand up. When his friend started in his direction, Ethan waved him off and kept his gaze trained on Samantha, who was doing her best to ignore his arrival.
He walked over and stood directly in her line of vision. “Could we talk?” he asked politely. “Please.”
She scowled at him, but she did stand up and excuse herself. Obviously she was no more interested in causing a scene than he was.
Ethan was fully aware of the fascinated gazes around the table as he led the way to Boone’s pier, geared more toward fishing than the docking of a boat. At least they’d have a little privacy away from the rest of the family. Though he didn’t doubt that the close scrutiny would continue, at least all those meddlers wouldn’t hear what he had to say. That is, if he could think of something to say.
At the end of the pier, Samantha stood stiffly, her arms folded across her middle, her expression forbidding.
“I’m sorry, Samantha,” he said quietly. “I never, ever meant to suggest that you’re shallow or uncaring. I’m sorry you took what I said that way.”
She gave him a disbelieving look. “Then what did you mean?”
“Just that you don’t know these young people. You’re not involved in their lives. You don’t have an emotional stake in what happens to them.”
“The way you do,” she said, her gaze finally meeting his.
He nodded. “The way I do. I’ve been where they are, filled with doubts and insecurities and self-loathing. Can you honestly tell me you’ve been through anything remotely like that? Can you identify with what they’ve experienced?”
“No,” she conceded, but held his gaze. “That doesn’t mean I can’t feel compassion for any of you. And I have experienced pain, Ethan. It may not be physical like yours. It may not even be in the same league emotionally, but I have been hurt. I’ve had people tell me on a regular basis that I’m not good enough. It’s the nature of my business to experience rejection. Don’t you think that has the power to hurt, even when I know it’s not meant personally?”
Ethan sighed. “I hadn’t looked at your career that way. I just see you as this golden girl who went after what she wanted in a very competitive profession and got it.”
She smiled ruefully at that. “If only it were that simple to be an actress or a model. I put my ego on the line every time I go on an audition. And every rejection chips away at my self-confidence. Worse, these days, I don’t even get the auditions, which means people reject me without even hearing me read for a part. That’s mostly about age, I think. And you know what? Just like these kids you’re trying to help who have disabilities, my age is not something I can change. I can only change how I face it. Should I accept that roles aren’t going to be there and move on, or do I keep knocking on doors and getting turned away more often than not?”
Ethan was shaken by a perspective he’d never before considered. Okay, her life wasn’t all glamour. It wasn’t free of pitfalls and obstacles. That made her more appealing in a way he hadn’t expected. As if he needed her to be more appealing, he thought wryly.
“It seems to me you’re handling it okay,” he told her.
She laughed then. “You think so? You haven’t looked into my freezer in New York. It’s stuffed with so many containers of Ben & Jerry’s, it’s astonishing I’m not the size of a blimp. That’s how I’m handling it.”
He tried to imagine her with an extra ounce of weight on her and couldn’t. “Why aren’t you? The size of a blimp, I mean.”
“I may eat more ice cream than I should, but I also go to the gym. I run. Because even when I’m at my lowest, I keep fighting to stay in shape. Tomorrow might bring the juicy role of a lifetime my way, and I need to be ready. So far, thank goodness, I haven’t let the defeats steal my last shred of hope. Isn’t that exactly what you want for those kids? Hope?”
He didn’t want to acknowledge that she’d nailed it, that she understood things he hadn’t expected her to get. Instead, he looked her over, allowing his gaze to linger on the long, shapely legs revealed by a pair of formfitting capris. “You run, huh?”
“Every day.”
“Want to go running with me tomorrow?” he asked impulsively. Asking was a risk, he knew, not only because it meant spending more time with her, but because there’d be no way to disguise his prosthesis. With his running shorts, it was right there for all the world to see. It had been a long time since that had bothered him,
