“Have you spoken to her?”
Hannah shook her head. “I gather she, Seth, Grandmother and Jack were commiserating and working on a strategy at The Fish Tale after the meeting.”
Luke gave her a penetrating look. “Hannah, are you happy about what happened?”
“No, of course not,” she said a little too quickly, then winced. “Okay, maybe on some level, I am.”
“Why? Are you still hoping Abby will pack up and leave Seaview Key? I thought you’d gotten past that. I thought you were willing to give her a chance, maybe even be friends again.”
She gave him a wry look. “That’s on my sane and rational days,” she said. “This wasn’t one of those days.”
“Because?”
“I made my reservation to go to New York for the tests,” she said.
“Just one reservation? What about me?”
“You’ve been swamped lately and with Marcia so sick and the kids coming for Thanksgiving, it didn’t make sense to ask you to fly up and back while I take a few routine tests. Sue will be around.”
Luke frowned. “I’m the one who should be there. I want to be there.”
She squeezed his hand. “I know you want to be supportive, but at some point I have to be able to go through these tests on my own without freaking out.”
“Why? Surely you’re not preparing for some day that’s never going to come when I’ll abandon you and you’ll be left to deal with everything on your own?”
Hannah didn’t want to admit that in a moment of desperate insecurity that’s exactly what she’d told herself.
“Hannah?” he prodded, then shook his head in obvious frustration. “How am I supposed to convince you that we’re solid, that when it comes to this we’re a team?”
“We can’t be a team, not really,” she argued. “I’m the one who’s had cancer.”
“And I’m your husband,” he replied impatiently. “What affects you affects me. If you don’t get that, then how can we call this a marriage?” He stood up. “I’m going to bed.”
He paused only to give her a lingering, disappointed look, then headed for the stairs.
Hannah stared after him in dismay. What was wrong with her? He wasn’t going to abandon her. He wasn’t going to turn to Abby. She was driving him away. This was all on her. And if one of these days he did look at Abby or any other woman, she’d have only herself to blame.
She picked up the phone and called Sue. “I’m an idiot,” she announced without preamble.
“Could be,” Sue said sleepily.
Since having a late-in-life baby, Sue was asleep by ten these days. It was after that now. Still, she didn’t scold Hannah for disrupting her rest. Hannah could hear the covers rustling, as she sat up in bed, then her murmured comment to her husband to go back to sleep.
“What makes you think you’re an idiot?” she asked Hannah.
Hannah explained what had just happened with Luke.
“Okay, idiot seems a little harsh, but you don’t seem to be thinking too clearly. Luke loves you to pieces. If he’s free to come to New York, you should let him.”
“But you’ve been my support system from the beginning,” Hannah argued, clinging to the sole rational claim she had for what she’d just done.
“And now you have a husband, one who knows a lot more about all the medical mumbo jumbo than I do,” Sue reminded her. “Even if he weren’t crazy in love with you, he’s a better interpreter of all that than I am, so why the reluctance?”
“It’s just such a reminder than I’m sick,” Hannah said. “I hate having Luke view me as sick or weak.”
“First, you’re not sick. You’ve been cancer-free and there’s no reason to think that’s changed, correct?”
“Yes.”
“And, second, do you think there’s any way at all that Luke might be unaware of these tests and their implications? He knows they’re coming up. If I understand anything at all about him, they were probably on his calendar as well as yours. You’re not protecting him, Hannah. You’re shutting him out.” Sue drew in a deep breath, then asked, “Is this about his old girlfriend being back in town?”
“Sure, that’s part of it,” Hannah admitted readily. “She’s so vibrant and alive. I hate reminding Luke that I could have cancer again at any moment.”
“Sweetie, I doubt anyone is more aware of that than he is. He loves you. Let him show that by supporting you.”
Sue’s frank talk finally registered with her.
“Thank you,” Hannah said softly. “You always have known how to cut through my garbage.”
“Happy to oblige. If you need me with you next week, let me know. Otherwise, I’m going to assume that you’ve come to your senses and brought your husband to New York. If the two of you don’t come by to see the baby, though, I’m going to be very angry.”
“We’ll be there,” Hannah said, smiling finally. “It’ll be fun to see you so totally gaga. You’re going to spoil that baby rotten.”
“Absolutely,” Sue said unrepentantly. “I’m going to leave it to her father to straighten her out.”
Laughing, Hannah hung up, turned out the lights and headed slowly upstairs.
In the bedroom, she went to Luke’s side of the bed and sat on the edge. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I’ll call and make a reservation for you first thing in the morning.”
He sat up. “Thank you. What changed your mind? Or do I even need to ask. You called Sue, didn’t you?”
“The voice of reason,” she said wryly. “Yes, I did. Do you mind that she can get through to me, when you can’t?”
“I don’t mind anything or anyone as long as it gets us on track,” he told her. “I love you so much, Hannah. It kills me to think you don’t get that, that somehow I’m not showing you how important you are.”
“It’s not about anything you do or don’t do. It’s about me. I think the cancer took a toll on more than my body. It sapped me of my self-confidence. I’ll
