said dryly. “Most women would have listened to this and run for the hills by now. It’s obvious how messed up I am.”

“I imagine that’s what you were hoping for with me, too,” she said, then shrugged. “I’m not most women.”

“Boy, is that the truth,” he murmured.

It seemed to Abby that he didn’t sound entirely happy about it.

* * *

Seth was so completely confused by the words that had come out of his mouth, he couldn’t imagine why Abby hadn’t laughed her head off right before walking out on him. He’d been so sure he had a grip on what he did and didn’t want in terms of a relationship. Casual was one thing. Committed was something else entirely. He might yearn for what Luke and Hannah had, even Kelsey and Jeff with little Isabella, but he didn’t think he could ever do committed again. So, why had he argued so passionately in favor of it?

Was it because Abby clearly was not a casual sort of woman? No matter how forcefully she tried to make it seem that she was willing to go with the flow, he thought he knew her better than that. She was the kind of woman who deserved forever, who should be living in a house filled with kids and a doting husband. She ought to be with a man who wasn’t scared out of his wits every minute that something terrible would strike and rip their world all apart.

Imagining a future with Abby, seeing her with a child in her arms as she had been on Thanksgiving with Isabella and on other occasions with Lesley Ann’s son, A.J., reminded Seth that she’d promised to fill him in on why she’d never had kids of her own.

Could that have anything at all to do with this crazy stance she’d just taken against marriage?

Though they’d fallen silent over their meal, as soon as their desserts came, Seth looked her in the eye. “On Thanksgiving you said you’d tell me why there are no kids in your life. Didn’t you want them?”

She blinked at the apparently unexpected question. “What made you go there?” she asked.

“I’m trying to figure out what makes you tick. Something tells me this could be the key. Am I wrong?”

She was silent for a long time before she said, “Not entirely.”

“Then you did want children?”

“More than anything,” she confessed, tears gathering in her eyes.

Seth almost regretted bringing the subject up, but those tears told him they needed to get into this. “What happened?” He frowned. “You didn’t lose a child, did you? Or have a miscarriage?”

She shook her head. “It just didn’t happen. I never got pregnant.”

He recognized that there was a world of hurt behind those words. “So, you were sterile?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I was never tested. Neither was my husband.”

“I don’t understand. Didn’t you want to know why?”

“Of course I did,” she said heatedly. “I pleaded with Marshall. I even set up an appointment with infertility experts. He refused to go and didn’t want me going, either.”

Seth regarded her with shock. In this day and age when answers to most things could be figured out with proper testing, who wouldn’t want the clarity?

“Why on earth not?” he asked.

“You know he was a minister. All he’d tell me was that we’d have a child if that was God’s will. If I didn’t get pregnant, then that was God’s will, too.”

“And you accepted that?”

“What choice did I have? Sure, I could have gone on my own and been tested, but then what? If I wasn’t the problem, was I supposed to throw that in his face?”

“You would have known,” Seth argued.

“Things were tense enough as it was. And it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Did you discuss adoption?”

She gave him a rueful look. “He wasn’t interested in that, either. Frankly, that was the final straw for me. It told me we were never going to be on the same page about the future. I think the congregation was enough family for him. I wanted more. And once again, Marshall’s needs were the only ones that counted.”

“So you divorced him,” he concluded.

“Not right away,” she conceded. “It took me a while to accept that this good and decent man I’d married was really quite selfish and domineering, that I was losing myself trying to keep him happy.”

Seth reached for her hand. “I really am sorry, Abby. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“No, I didn’t,” she said. “I see that now. And I know I allowed it to continue for way too long, more than likely well past the time when I’d ever be able to have a child of my own.”

“Women still have babies in their early forties,” Seth said.

“It’s possible, but there are a lot more risks,” she agreed.

“And you’re not willing to take the risks?”

“It’s not that. First, I’d have to meet the right man. I’m not interested in sperm donation or sex with random strangers. And with every year that passes a pregnancy becomes more unlikely.”

Somewhere deep inside a part of him wanted to say, “Ask me. I’ll have a baby with you.” He fought the impulse. As amazing as it would be to share a child with her, he couldn’t imagine doing it without marriage, without commitment for the long-term. He wasn’t there yet. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be there.

Abby leaned forward and regarded him earnestly. “Can you see why I’m more interested in a partnership, in genuine caring, than I am in risking another marriage like the one I had? I want to be with a man who sees value in the woman I am, who encourages me to reach for the unexpected, who makes me laugh and appreciate life in all its craziness.”

“And I make you laugh?”

“You do.”

“And I appreciate you for the extraordinary woman you are,” he said, beginning to understand.

“You seem to.”

“So that’s enough for you?”

“For now,” she confirmed. “I’ve said it before, Seth. I love spending time with you. Today, for instance, was

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