He took as long as he could brushing his teeth and shaving. He even ran a comb through his hair. It was a delaying tactic more than anything. His hair had always fallen where it damn well pleased, unless he tamed it often with a short cut. It had grown past taming over the last few weeks and there was too much silver amidst the blond. Funny how there were days when he truly forgot how old he was. Not that forty-eight was exactly ancient, but at times he felt no more than half that.
Kevin glanced at the bed, considered spending more time making it up, then admitted the one or two minutes it cost him wouldn’t be enough to make much difference. He might as well get into the kitchen and face the music.
It was going to be even worse than he’d thought, he decided as he saw Lacey’s exhausted expression. She was clinging to that cup of tea as if it were her only lifeline. Her streaked blond hair tumbled loose across her shoulders, inviting his touch, but the look in her eyes when she saw him was forbidding.
“Good morning,” he said cautiously, noting that she’d chosen a bright yellow blouse as if to defy her mood.
“Good morning. Would you like breakfast? I could fix you something.”
“Tea and toast will do. I’ll fix it.”
As he popped the bread into the toaster, poured the tea, then brought everything to the table, he stole surreptitious glances at her. She was as still as could be, but there was nothing calm about her. He sensed that turbulent emotions were seething just below the surface. Her gaze was mostly directed down at the tea, but he could see the sorrow and wariness whenever she dared to glance his way.
“Kevin.”
“Lacey.”
The blurted words were practically simultaneous. With his glance he indicated deference.
Given her chance she looked uncertain. “We can’t go on like this. I thought we could, but I was wrong.”
“I know,” he agreed.
She looked at him then, straight into his eyes, and to his amazement she looked a little helpless and more than a little vulnerable.
“I don’t know where to begin,” she said finally.
“At the beginning,” he suggested, too glibly, judging from the look she shot him.
“That was too long ago to count,” she said, but her tone was just a bit lighter. “Can you remember what it was like when we first got married?”
“Yes. At least I think I can. Why don’t you tell me what you remember.”
“I remember getting up in the morning filled with excitement and anticipation. I remember rushing through the day, reminding myself of every detail so I could share it with you that night. I remember how we talked about everything, every nuance of our lives, every decision, every hope, every dream.” She sighed wistfully. “I thought that was the way it would always be.”
“I suppose I did, too,” he admitted. “It wasn’t very realistic of either of us.”
“Maybe not.”
“Is that all you want back, Lacey? Just the sharing?”
“No, of course not.” Her gaze met his, then slipped away. “We had the same vision, then. Somewhere along the way that’s what we lost.”
“Did we?” he argued. “Don’t we both still want the world to be a better place? Don’t we both care about family more than anything?”
“I thought we did.”
“But?”
“We have such different ways of acting on it. You see a charity, and you need to write a check. You want a home, so you hire people to run it. You believe in family, but not in spending the time it takes to nurture one.”
“So I’m still the one at fault,” he said, unable to keep the impatience out of his voice. “Only me.”
“Of course not,” she said at once. “The difference between us is that I’ve tried every way I could think of to tell you what I need, but you’ve never once given me a clue about what you want from me anymore. Whatever the housekeeper fixes for dinner is fine. Whatever I wear is fine. However I spend my days is fine.” Her tone mimicked him. Her chin rose another notch. “Even the sex began to seem more like habit than the spontaneous passion we used to have.”
Kevin stared at her in astonishment. “That’s ridiculous,” he said defensively.
“Is it? Is it really?” She drew in a deep breath, then braced her hands against the table, almost as if she needed support for whatever she had to say. “Were you having an affair, Kevin?” she asked point blank. “That would explain so much.”
Kevin felt as if she’d punched him in his midsection. Shocked, he simply stared at her. He couldn’t imagine an accusation that would have thrown him more.
“Well?” she demanded defiantly.
“An affair? Where on earth would you get a ridiculous idea like that?”
“Come on, Kevin. Don’t act too stunned. You wouldn’t be the first man to have an affair. I can’t even count the number of husbands we know who openly play around on their wives.”
“Not me, dammit. Not me.”
When she continued to look skeptical, he said, “Lacey, I can honestly say that I never even contemplated breaking our marriage vows, much less acted on the thought.”
“Is that the truth, Kevin?” she asked softly, her gaze searching his.
He realized then that perhaps more than all the other complaints, all the other differences, this was the one at the root of all their troubles. She couldn’t even bring herself to trust him anymore, not even on something as sacred as their marriage vows.
He could read the vulnerability in her eyes, the fear that he’d turned elsewhere for satisfaction, and the expression in her eyes made him ache.
“Darling, I love you. Only you. No matter what else has happened, that has never, ever changed. I’ve
