Nat pressed her hand over her heart. “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Kade. I’ll take good care of it, I promise.”
“Well, now you have a ring. Want a drink before I drop you home?” I moved toward the door, conscious that we were alone in my bedroom, it was getting dark, Nat was sitting on my king-sized bed, and Mom’s ring was finally on her finger.
If there were a clearer sign that something in my DNA had wired me for self-destruction, I couldn’t think what it might be.
“Wait.” She got up and put out a hand to stop me. “Can we please talk about what happened between us when we were dating and split up? I feel terrible about—”
“Don’t.” My tone was curt. The last thing I wanted was to talk about the day her love had flickered off, just like Mom’s. Truth was, I’d been expecting it.
And there was no point in talking about it. Nothing could change history.
“But—”
“Nat, it’s okay. You wanted to break up. That was fine. End of conversation.” I pulled away from her hand and went to the door. “Come on. You thirsty?”
She didn’t move. “I couldn’t let myself fall for you. Not when I didn’t know how you really felt. I couldn’t do it, Kade. I still can’t.”
Her tone was matter-of-fact, as though love were a choice. Like it was a selection you could make from a menu.
I’ll have large serving of sex and intimacy, waiter, but hold the feelings.
“That sounds like my mother’s version of love.” It came out sounding bitter. “Sometimes I envied the way she could switch her love on and off. Mostly, I hated her for it.”
As soon as the words were out, I wanted to take them back. I couldn’t believe I’d actually said it aloud. What kind of person hated their own mother?
I was so disturbed by my slip, I couldn’t even say something to distract her, or pretend I’d been joking. Instead I went out the door and into the hallway, restless in my own skin as the words echoed in my ears.
Nat followed me out, grabbing my arm again before I could get to the kitchen. Her eyes were imploring, searching mine as though desperate for me to understand. “You’ve told me more about your childhood in the past few days than you did the whole time we were dating.”
I frowned, wondering why she didn’t look more shocked by my confession.
“So?” I asked. “Why would you want to hear about my shitty childhood?”
“Because I want to know you, Kade. I want to know who you really are.”
“I’m right here. In front of you.”
She let out a long breath, her expression becoming anguished. “I was afraid you’d never let me in. That’s why I had to get out before it was too late for me. I mean, you’re so…” She shook her head. “You’re you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I would have done anything for you, Kade. Just like Mom did for Dad.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re not making sense.”
Only I understood what she was saying all too well. She was confirming what I already knew. For Natalie, loving me would be a burden. I’d already experienced that feeling, and I wasn’t about to ask for more of the same.
“I don’t want anything from you.” It took an effort to soften my tone. “Have I given you the wrong impression?”
“No, of course you haven’t.” Her hand was wrapped around my forearm, and she was breathing fast, her chest visibly rising and falling. “But I want you to know, breaking up with you tore me apart. I dream about what we had, and how you used to make me feel.”
I stared into her beautiful, flushed face, not sure whether I was angry with her, or just frustrated and fed up. My longing for her had been burning hot for so long, I was getting sick of fighting it.
“Is this about you wanting to round the bases?” I stepped into to her, pushing her back against the wall in the narrow hallway. “You want to mess around? No strings attached?” My voice was a growl.
Her eyes flicked down as though she were afraid to meet my gaze. She gave her head a tiny shake, but there was a vulnerable kind of hope in the way her lip caught between her teeth before it released.
“I know you don’t want that.” Her voice was a whisper.
My hip pushed into her body, pinning her to the wall. We were so close, a deep inhale would press her breasts against my chest. I knew exactly how good they’d feel in my hands, and a hot surge of lust overwhelmed me. I was entirely made of wanting for her, and she was offering herself. It was more than I could stand.
Pushing my hand behind the curtain of her hair, I gripped the back of her neck. Then I bent my head and took her mouth with mine, pouring all my pent up frustration into the kiss.
Her mouth yielded to my demands, opening to my assault. My hand tightened on the back of her head, holding it where I needed it to be. She was soft against my hardness, surrendering to me, gasping against my lips.
Blind need consumed me, and I wasn’t kissing her so much as conquering her. All I could think about was possessing her. Taking what I ached for.
She moaned into my mouth as I pulled her closer, pressing myself into her so she could feel my need and the way my body throbbed for her.
Her hands slid under my shirt, her fingernails raking my back. Then she grabbed my ass, moving her body up and down to rub my hard length against her body. The friction between us was unbearable. Too many clothes. As close as we were, I needed to get closer.
I wanted to consume her. To own her.
But I never would.
Somehow, I fought for control and managed to tear myself away. I turned away from her, breathing heavily,
