Victoria closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the chair. The image of Albert standing at his doors as the carriage rolled down the drive. The disappointment on his handsome face. The raw, unmasked pain. "I think I may have broken his heart."
"Hmm," Alice murmured, making her heart beat with renewed panic. "This is what I think you should do before any decisions are made. Our sister Elizabeth and Henry are preparing now to travel south and leave for Paris. They will be back before the next Season starts. I think you should go with them, see a little of the world as you wish. With the absence I think your decision on your future may become clearer than it is now."
Her sister’s plan had merit and Elizabeth would never deny her company. Could a little distance and time help her know her own heart? What she truly wanted? "Even if I decided that I wish to marry Albert, what do I do about his desire for children? I have never had those motherly instincts that come so natural to you and our sisters. He will want an heir.”
"Have you asked him?" Alice studied her a moment, her eyes narrowing. “You need to know if that is something he will live without to have your love.”
To her shame, she had not given him the chance to decide if that was a future he could tolerate. She should have asked him instead of running off like she had. "I have not." She met Alice's eyes and saw only compassion and understanding there. Thank heavens, for she was not sure she could stomach shame.
"Do you not think you should have? Especially when there could be a chance that you are carrying his child."
Victoria shook her head, knowing at least with that predicament there was no problem at all." No, I started my courses the day we arrived home to Dunsleigh."
Alice breathed a sigh of relief. "Right then, this is what you shall do," she said, reinvigorated. "When Elizabeth arrives in the next few days, you shall go with them to Paris. I'm sure they will not mind. If you take your maid, you may do your own sightseeing to give them privacy, and I'm certain Josh will ensure you have your own private accommodations."
"I do not want to be a bother to them."
Alice waved her concerns away. "La. This is Elizabeth, the nice sister, remember? She will do this for you, but in return, you must do something for yourself."
"What is that?" she asked, unsure if she trusted the calculating light in Alice's eyes.
"That you will return to England and have your mind made up before next Season. I have little doubt Lord Melvin will be in attendance. After the lessons you were determined to help him with, he'll be ready to scuff the boards and choose a bride. But you need to see, really understand the choice you're making if you choose to let him go. If you see Lord Melvin and you feel nothing but friendship, then your choice is easy. It was only lust after all and no harm done."
"And if I do not feel only lust?"
"If you do not, then you need to find a way to win him back. Which if he's the sort of gentleman you believe him to be, honorable and kind, he will be waiting for you to come to your senses."
Hope rose up inside her. She could travel, see a little of Europe, and then decide her fate. Have a taste of freedom after knowing the delights of being in Albert's arms, and then she would choose which one she wanted forever.
She just hoped Albert would be there to enable her the choice. No matter how difficult the outcome would be, she would have to take a risk, especially if he married before she returned and made the decision for her.
Chapter 37
The Season, 1810
Albert had not seen or heard from Victoria for several months, not since she had parted from him at Rosedale the morning after their night together.
Even now, after all this time, all he could think about was how to win her love. What he could have done to make her stay. To love him as he loved her. He was certain she cared for him. A woman such as Victoria, a Worthingham, did not give themselves to random people. It was simply not in their nature. Not any of the siblings.
No, Victoria cared for him, more than he believed she could admit to herself. To do so would mean she would have to choose between him and a life she dreamed of living. One where her heart was forever locked away from harm.
He spied her late husband’s younger brother, noting the rogue caroused society without his wife on his arm. He narrowed his eyes, the family resemblance both in looks and character ran deep, it would seem.
The butler continued to call out the names of guests as they arrived. Albert stood to the side of the room, a glass of whiskey in hand, needing to calm his nerves. Although he was unsure if Victoria would attend this evening, he waited, hoping she would. He had missed her, and during the time apart he too had many days and nights to think of what he wanted in life. What he cherished more than anything, what he could live with and without to have the one person whom he loved.
He had done all that Victoria had asked of him after she left. He had attended numerous dances about Hampshire and attended every country house party where his presence had been requested. He went as far as spending Christmas with Lord and Lady Hammilyn. Although the memory of that Christmas party was one, he'd prefer to forget since Miss Eberhardt too had been invited.
She had been unabashedly
