I smiled at the revelation.
That was the one thing I enjoyed about serving in the military too.
I got to travel to lots of interesting places.
Sure, we were tasked with dominating them and bringing the native species beneath the umbrella of the Shadow Realm but that mattered little when you were on the winning side.
“So, I enlisted in the military and that’s where I spent the majority of the time,” he said.
“Did you see much combat?”
“Sure. Plenty. That’s the thing with the Shadow. They never stop attacking and you get plenty of chances to learn from your mistakes. If you’re quick enough, you can learn and improve for the next skirmish.”
My heart leaped into my throat.
“You fought the Shadow?”
“Most species do at some point. It’s either that or give up and quit. Of course, I don’t need to tell a strong Qyah like you that. You’re military too, right? Special Forces, unless I missed my guess.”
I just looked at him, trying not to show I was surprised he could read so much into me.
“Don’t look so shocked,” he said.
I didn’t realize I was.
“When you spend time around other soldiers, you pick up a thing or two about how they think and function. I can read you like a book. I’d say you’ve seen a lot of horror in your life, despite your youth. To have seen so much from such a young age, there could only be so many positions you had in the military. Special Forces is the most logical. How was I? Close?”
It should have bothered me he could read me so easily, but it didn’t.
I grinned at him.
“Pretty accurate.”
“I knew it. Here. Hold these.”
He yanked the panel off and rolled it to one side.
“How does it look?” I said.
“It’s in bad shape, all right. Nothing a little TLC can’t fix. This is the reason your thrusters aren’t operating as well as they should. Looks like you must have taken a pretty hard knock.”
He peered at me over his glasses that perched on the tip of his nose.
He waved a hand.
“It’s all right. You don’t need to tell me the details. I know you’re a good kid.”
They were words spoken from twenty years in the past and still they warmed my heart.
“I’m not sure about that,” I said. “Some of the things I’ve done…”
“Do they give you nightmares?”
We were never encouraged to discuss issues of our missions.
“A sign of weakness” they called it.
But Yoath was my father and if there was anyone I could discuss something like this with, surely it was him.
I nodded.
“They can be a bitch,” Yoath said. “It’s part of the reason I gave up fighting in the field. I couldn’t face all those faces in the darkness staring back at me. I don’t know how you boys can do it and still function.”
“Sometimes we don’t.”
My father looked me in the eye and nodded his head as if he understood.
He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Sometimes is better than all the time, son.”
Son.
I looked into his eyes and checked to see if he knew what I was to him, that I was his son.
And always would be.
I saw only the kind words of a stranger using the term affectionately and nothing more.
“I think I have a spare you can use,” he said, and he led me to the back of the barn to a lump standing in the far corner.
He yanked the dust cover off revealing a shuttlecraft.
It was badly dented, itself in much need of TLC.
He moved to the rear of the craft and yanked an anti-gravity thruster from it.
“There. It’s a little rusted and worn but with a little care, she’ll buff right out.”
“Don’t you need it?”
“We rarely fly her anymore but I keep her nice and tuned up in case we have to make a trip.”
“I don’t want to take her from you. You need the anti-grav thrusters more than I do.”
“I’ll fix your burnt-out panel and use it. Don’t worry. I’m a professional.”
He grinned at me and tossed the cover back over the craft.
“Come on. We’d better get to bed. I’ll fix this for you tomorrow. Meanwhile, I suggest you run a full diagnostic check on your power systems. They could be a little uneven if this panel is anything to go by.”
He slapped me on the back and headed toward the door.
He stopped to lean the panel against the wall on his way out.
My mini-me launched at Yoath, who bent down to scoop him up and swing him around in a circle.
He tucked him into the crook of his arm and tickled his belly with his fingers.
I smiled, watching after them as they approached the farmhouse.
Had I ever really been that happy?
Had I really had this loving family?
I glanced down and noticed my hand on my stomach where I swear I could feel his fingertips tickling me.
I shoved the thoughts aside and shook my head violently.
No.
This wasn’t how a Shadow was trained.
And this wasn’t how a Shadow lived his life.
I would take Ava to the Shadow Citadel and claim her, then pass her along to the other Shadows…
My skin crawled and I felt physically sick.
What was happening to me?
Ava
Kayal was dour that night and wasn’t much in the mood for talking.
He seemed to be in a dour mood most of the time these days.
I thought he would be happy to see his family again but there was a storm raging inside him every bit as violent as the one outside the planet’s orbit.
Peering up at the sky and its sheer size gave me chills.
We’d actually fallen from that height and lived to tell the tale.
It could so easily have ended differently.
It raged day and night and lit up the sky with its flashing bolts of yellow.
There was no sound.
There were a lot of things to be thankful for, things that seemed to be lost on Kayal.
I climbed into bed and let myself feel the cool crisp sheets against my skin.
They were so soothing and made me smile.
But I couldn’t fully relax.
Not
