“You’ll learn,” I said. “If you’re willing to give it time.”
Mr. Snix smiled, his lips curling into a hopeful grin.
“Yes,” he said. “I suppose I will.”
He groaned as he pushed himself up with his hands on his knees.
“Getting old sure isn’t fun,” he said. “Make sure to enjoy your youth while you’ve got it.”
I laughed as I met him on the other side of my desk.
“I’m not as young as I used to be either,” I said.
“But a damn sight younger than this old man,” he said.
I led him to the door as he hobbled toward it. I opened it for him. I felt compelled to say something, to give him a little hope.
“Not that you asked for it, but let me give you a piece of advice someone once gave me,” I said. “To have the kind of relationships you want with your loved ones, they don’t need your money or your business or your big house. All they need is for you to be with them sometimes. Just give them your time. That’s the magic ingredient.”
Mr. Snix smiled at that and nodded.
“Yes,” he said. “I can see how that makes sense. My wife did try to warn me this would happen but I have a thick head and never paid much attention.”
“All men are the same,” I said. “But keep trying with your family. They will find time for you eventually. Just approach the way you work to the way you want to spend time with your family and you’ll get what you want.”
He smiled that hopeful grin again.
“Yes,” he said. “I suppose you’re right.”
Waev offered Mr. Snix an arm to lean on as they approached the door.
He was a kind, old man. He was one of the first investors to give me my big break. And today he’d come with a warning echoed by Bianca.
Don’t become a workaholic again.
“Where’s Bianca?” a soft voice said.
I turned to find Cleb standing on the stairs, his tiny hand clutching the banister. He was so small and fragile. He’d already been through so much. I needed to protect him from all those who might wish to do him harm.
“What are you doing out of bed?” I said. “You should be resting.”
But his eyes were unyielding.
“I went to her room but she wasn’t there,” he said.
So, the time to have the conversation was already here. I knew it would need to happen at some point but I thought I would have a little more time than this.
I’d thought long and hard about what I would say. The words would taste like ash in my mouth but I had to do what was best for Cleb.
This is how I thought the conversation would go:
“I’m afraid she had to leave,” I would say.
“On a new mission?” he would ask, or words to that effect. “Will she come back?”
And then I would reply with: “Maybe. It depends on her next mission. The bad guys got too close this time. Now she needs to be very careful.”
Bianca had laid the foundation for the web of lies. I didn’t want him to have a sour memory of her, despite what she had done. I felt terrible I needed to add to them but they were what he already believed. If I was to strip it from him and then add that I had sent her away…
The damage might be permanent. There was little chance he would see her again. At least this way he might grow into a healthy young boy. He didn’t need this, not when he was so young, so fragile after his recent ordeal.
And one day, when he was a little older, I could tell him the truth. That she was never a spy. That she lied to protect herself.
I helped him down the stairs.
“Let’s go into the front room,” I said.
We walked side-by-side, my stomach churning as the sofa loomed up. He hopped onto it. I sat beside him.
Not so long ago, I would have sat on the sofa opposite, treating our time as more of a business meeting than a private discussion between boy and godfather.
I placed my hand on his narrow shoulders and offered him the best smile I could manage. I took a deep breath and began to roll through my rehearsed script.
“I’m afraid she had to leave,” I said.
Cleb tore his eyes from mine and stared at the floor between his feet. I could see the thoughts passing across his face. Any second, he would ask if she would come back.
Finally, he looked up at me.
“She was never a spy, was she?” he said.
And just like that, he blew all my preparations out the window.
“I… Uh… What makes you think that?” I said carefully.
Cleb shrugged his shoulders.
“I just sensed it, I guess,” he said. “And she knew the man who took us, didn’t she?”
Could Cleb read minds? Did he have a secret ability I didn’t know about?
Now what did I say? I had to think on my feet. Should I tell the truth? Or should I continue with the lies?
No, I decided. I wasn’t good at lies. The truth had to be enough. There were already too many lies.
“Yes,” I said. “She knew him.”
Cleb nodded and gently swung his feet back and forth.
“Then she really was a governess?” he said.
“Yes, she was.”
“She was the most fun governess I ever had.”
“I’ll try to find another governess like her,” I said, knowing there wasn’t another governess like her anywhere.
Cleb nodded. He didn’t look convinced.
“Why did she go away?” he said.
Yes, why?
“Because she lied,” I said. “She lied and you got kidnapped.”
“Oh.”
He frowned and kicked his legs harder.
“But it’s not her fault the bad man kidnapped us, is it?” he said. “We were happy until he came along.”
“Yes. But she led him here.”
“Not on purpose.”
“No, not on purpose.”
“Then it’s not her fault, is it?” Cleb said.
