“Well, that’s easy,” the waitress said.
“It is?” I said, feeling a little hopeful.
“Just wear these,” the waitress said, digging inside the front pocket of her apron and coming out with a pair of headphones.
She nodded to the other side of the booth and left.
That’s it? I thought. It looked like an advertisement for a local electronics store, not for jobs.
I wasn’t sure where to plug the headphones lead. I ran my hands along the table’s edges until I came to a series of holes on one side. I slipped the lead in but it was jammed with something someone had shoved into it. I tried the second one. That one worked.
The sound boomed in my ears as the advert on the wall began to play. Then they morphed into holograms, dancing on the tabletop.
“Do you have piles?” the voiceover said.
The entire ad paused and waited for me to respond.
“Uh, no,” I said.
“Piles can be very painful,” the voiceover continued. “That’s why we at Shlazzac Healing Ointments Ltd have devised a way to—”
“How do I skip the adverts?” I said.
The advert froze and the next one played.
“Josilandrix was doing her weekly food shopping when she slipped over and banged her head—” the voiceover said.
“Next,” I said. “No, wait. Can I search?”
A single empty bar popped up in front of me. The cursor blinked like on a computer back home.
“Search for local job listings,” I said.
The search ran and came back with 2,679 results.
“Okay… Filter by type job,” I said.
The system filed them into two dozen different categories—many I had never heard of before. But there was one that caught my eye.
“Open Teaching Positions,” I said.
The jobs opened into a long list. Right then, I would have taken just about any job I could get but I decided to aim high.
“Sort jobs by pay, highest to lowest,” I said.
The system performed the action. At the top was what looked to be the perfect job.
Feeling a little awkward, I reached out a hand and pressed at the floating job posting.
GOVERNESS WANTED
FULL-TIME POSITION
MUST LIVE-IN
WELL PAID
REPLY FOR AN INTERVIEW
I hit the button marked “Reply,” and expressed my interest in the job. I outlined my experience and said I could start right away. I was available any time for an interview.
The reply came immediately. No welcome, no introduction, just a time and an address.
I checked the clock. It was in two hours.
The town wasn’t that big. Surely I could get there in time?
“Find what you were looking for?” the waitress said as he slid my breakfast onto the table.
I was relieved to find it looked just like the image on the menu.
“I think so,” I said. “I need to get to this address. Do you know where it is?”
I leaned aside so she could see it. Instead, she moved the screen toward herself.
“Oh, high class, huh?” the waitress said. “Well, la di da.”
“It’s a rich area?” I said.
Of course it was. Normal people couldn’t afford a governess. Especially not a live-in one. Well, I didn’t care. I was confident with my teaching skills. I wouldn’t let a little thing like nerves get the better of me.
The waitress gave me directions. She said I could walk it in about thirty minutes.
“Now, final warning on the meal,” the waitress said. “I wouldn’t want you suffering during your interview.”
I lifted a piece of bacon with my fingers and bit into it. No screams, no yelps of pain. It was salty and crispy and delicious.
“I don’t think you’re going to have to worry,” I said.
The waitress frowned.
“Enjoy your meal,” she said.
I groaned with joy at the crispy food. I was an oddity on this planet. A freak.
So what was new?
Traes
“I can’t do this anymore! It’s too much!”
Governess Puem-Gleb stomped toward the front door, her elbows swinging high and almost taking my eye out.
I struggled to keep up with her.
“I’ll increase your pay,” I said. “Name your price. Whatever you want.”
“No amount could ever make it worthwhile!”
I doubted that. Everyone had their price. Now was the very worst time for Governess Puem-Gleb to quit. I was right in the middle of an important business project and needed someone to take care of Cleb.
“Stay just a few more days,” I said. “While we find your replacement.”
Waev extended the governess’s hat and coat but she was still in the throes of having her apoplectic fit.
“I apologize, but I cannot,” she said. “That child… he’s a demon and a miscreant! He will never amount to anything so long as he doesn’t apply himself. Your nephew is without a doubt the most disgraceful, mannerless, evil little child I’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with!”
Okay, so that was below the belt.
“He might be a handful—” I admitted.
“There’s an understatement!” she cried.
“But he is still a child that deserves love and understanding,” I said. “So long as I’m his uncle, I will ensure he gets both.”
The old crone threw her head back and barked a hideous laugh.
“You’re no more capable of giving that boy love than he is of behaving himself,” she said. “Good luck finding a replacement!”
I ground my teeth and snatched her coat and hat from Waev’s hands and gave them to her.
“Then I thank you for your service,” I said stiffly.
She waved a hand as if she were commanding a servant.
“You may send my earnings to the bank account I gave you,” she said.
“What earnings?” I said calmly.
“I’ve worked here two weeks,” she said. “Longer than anyone else could ever last, I might add.”
“If you’ll check your contract, you’ll find you’re meant to give one month’s notice,” I said. “So long as you quit within that time, you’re not entitled to any pay. You’re free to work the month off and then quit but not a moment before.”
I knew it was harsh but she shouldn’t have insulted Cleb. He was a child. Sometimes they misbehaved. And with her attitude, I wasn’t sure I wanted her near him.
She stared at me, open-mouthed.
“You can’t be serious!” she said.
“You agreed
