Chandler dipped her head in his direction. ‘See? That’s what I mean. Usually you’d make a joke of it and shoot something back at me. This time you took it the wrong way. Jimmy, you know you can tell me anything. Is it this misunderstanding between you and Emily?’
Bliss shook his head.
‘What, then? Is it the job?’
‘It’s nothing in particular. I’m off my game, is all. I’ll be fine.’
‘If you say so. But we need you at full throttle. Our victim needs that you, not this you.’
He almost opened up. If there was anyone he could speak to about the things that bothered him, it was Chandler. He knew he could say anything to her without it affecting how they worked together. Without judgement. And if there had only been one thing on his mind, he might have relented and told her. But there were so many concerns spiralling around inside his head, he could hardly make sense of it himself. He wouldn’t know where to start.
His harassment of Neil Watson was something Chandler would disapprove of. She’d call him all the names under the sun, but she would also understand. As for Emily, he had no idea where to even begin. His feelings were complicated, his emotions more so. For some people they were one and the same, but not to him. He thought of feelings as being based on a more rational thought process – something for him to cling to when the world went awry. Emotions, however, were beyond his scope of genuine understanding. He was aware that he had them; he also understood that he had no control over them whatsoever. That knowledge made him feel uneasy.
‘You’re right,’ he admitted eventually. ‘I have been distracted. I’ve always allowed my job to spill over into my personal life, but not usually the other way around. I can’t be effective if I allow that to happen. I need to be able to think straight.’
‘Good. I’m pleased to hear you admit it. I miss old Jimmy.’
Bliss sighed. ‘Old Jimmy has moved on to become ancient Jimmy. At least, that’s how it feels. Defunct. Soon to be put out to pasture.’
Chandler huffed at him. ‘So that’s what’s bothering you. You’re still thinking about the end.’
‘I’ve seen the future, Pen. And it’s pretty bleak. I was thinking about our Lingchi case back in the summer. Specifically, my poor attempt at chasing down our suspect, which ended with me falling arse over tit on the ground by the railway track.’
‘You didn’t fall; you dived to grab hold of him.’
‘And missed.’
She scoffed at that. ‘Not entirely. You grabbed hold of his foot. His shoe even flew off, remember?’
‘Terrific. That counts as one of my great arrests of all time: a fucking shoe. I might as well become a cobbler. Then there was the humiliation of watching Gul, who started off twenty yards behind me, actually managing to collar our man.’
‘You slowed him down, Jimmy. If you hadn’t, he might well have got away. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself because retirement is drawing closer. You need to snap out of it. There’s a good few months before we get there. A good many cases. You’re no use to us at this moment if you’re too busy with the future.’
Bliss regarded his friend thoughtfully. ‘When did you become so wise? Has to have something to do with my influence. Stands to reason.’
‘I was astute long before you showed up. A case of having to be. But you don’t need the likes of me telling you what’s what. Get your head out of your arse and back in the investigation.’
‘Is that any way to talk to a senior officer?’
Chandler switched her grin to stun. ‘But you’re not. Not at the moment. We’re equal rank. Which means I can talk to you any way I like. You better not forget that, old man.’
‘Balls! I knew you’d have the last laugh.’
‘You should have taken better care of me while you had the chance. Now we’re on an even footing, and I have a bloody long memory.’
Bliss huffed. ‘Yeah. You and every other woman I’ve ever met.’
She threw him a doubtful look. ‘You spoken to Sandra since we got this case?’
Sandra Bannister was a reporter for the Peterborough Telegraph, which ran crime features both online and in its print edition. Bannister was the senior of a two-person partnership. She and Bliss had come close to dating, but he’d pulled away at the last minute. Their relationship since then had been ambiguous, with neither truly getting to grips with how to balance their professional association with what might have been. In truth, Bliss was not allowed to discuss investigations with the journalist, but she had provided useful information in the past and would do so again. This time, however, he had additional news for his partner.
‘No. I expect to hear from her today if I don’t call her asking for info. However, she did give me a bell last week. You remember that book she wrote on the Burnout case from 2005?’
‘You mean the one you starred in and yet somehow managed to emerge without a stain on your dubious character?’
‘That’s the one, yes. Well, she’s approached me with a proposition.’
‘The bitch! Does Em know?’
He smiled. ‘Behave yourself. No, she has two ideas in mind. She’s considering writing a novel, and wants to use me as a consultant. She also told me that if I ever decide to write an autobiography, she wants to be offered first refusal on ghost-writing it.’
‘Ooh, get you! You’d be better off going with JK Rowling, though. I reckon your life story would come out about as factual as Harry Potter.’
Bliss frowned, feigning hurt. ‘Why d’you say that?’
‘Because there’s no way you’re going to sit there for hour after hour talking about yourself. Jimmy Bliss banging on about Jimmy Bliss? Honestly, does that sound like you?’
‘Not especially. Plus, there’s too much I couldn’t say.’
‘And too much you wouldn’t want to say. Without
