“Understood. Don’t any of you worry. It’s a bad period and a lot of emotions.”
“Let me help you clean up.”
“Don’t worry about it, Ana. It will give me something to do while I wait.”
We hugged each other goodbye, and I got to work. I cleaned the blood from Fernanda’s legs, placing a towel between them to soak up the flow. On my hands and knees, I scrubbed the floor with paper towels. As I wiped the same damn spot for over an hour, I tried to come up with what I would say. What explanation could I give for the events that proceeded our friend falling unconscious? We didn’t do anything wrong. We were just a couple of friends being ourselves. Being a young woman isn’t a crime. This wasn’t Salem. But at the same time, I knew this wouldn’t be let go. It’s about how visible your veins are beneath your skin and what hangs between your legs. If I didn’t feel absolutely fucked before, I did now.
I sat on the floor with Fernanda, trying to make sense of her behavior. She wasn’t a wild girl, not like me. My purse was filled with condoms, and I didn’t like children very much, besides my sisters. She had morals and a soft heart. I leaned my head and neck against the mattress. All I could do was wait for her to open her eyes. She had to wake up.
Almost a year earlier to the day, we had sat in a semi-circle of plastic lawn chairs in Ana’s backyard celebrating graduation. The aroma of beef fat sizzling on hot coals and charred chicken skin filled the air. I flopped my aching legs and back into the hard chair, using my feet to take off my work shoes. I changed into chanclas stashed in my bag.
“Fuck, I can’t do this forever. How was the ceremony?”
Pauline threw me a wet Mike’s Hard Lemonade from a blue cooler filled with beer and bottled mixed drinks. “You just need to find your passion, or something you don’t mind doing for a while. I’m not exactly passionate about braces or dentistry, but every time I sell something the boss promises to give me a little extra. It’s just for a hot minute until I figure it all out.” She took a drink of Modelo. “Oh, and you didn’t miss anything.”
I opened the bottle and gulped it down to quench my thirst, thinking if only it was as easy as that. My thirst was beyond alcohol and water, a burning that wouldn’t be satiated. I appreciated the lie Pauline told me with regards to the ceremony. The lemon felt sour and I didn’t want to finish it. I knew my passion.
Pauline slid back into her seat, bopping her head to the TLC CD her brother Ruben had put in the boombox. She was a good friend with the power to convince anyone of anything. Just before graduation, she got me out of detention with only her words. I had missed a homework assignment. When the teacher asked me to stay behind, Pauline stood shoulder to shoulder right next to me. She sucked her teeth and folded her arms across her body.
“C’mon, Miss. Do you know Lourdes works almost a full-time job for extra money? She has three younger sisters she takes care of, too. So she forgot one assignment.” Pauline shrugged.
When we left the classroom, I gave Pauline a hug. Senior year was hard, knowing there was nothing happening after. I had to stay behind because I couldn’t even afford community yet. My parents didn’t earn enough to put extra aside for me with three other mouths to feed, or have any collateral for a loan. They also did not fall below the poverty line to qualify me for free money. But I appreciated Pauline’s support at that moment.
“Girl, you have the devil’s tongue. You could probably sell the motherfucker fire.”
She pulled away and gave me a wink. “It just takes a little bruja magic.”
Pauline could not talk away my feelings of frustration, or my anger for missing graduation. Next to us, Fernanda drank Sprite, sulking she missed making valedictorian by only a few points. She was leaving for college in the fall on an academic scholarship to a fancy school in Philadelphia that the President’s daughter had attended. We were all sure she would forget about us in the chaos of exams, essays, and internships that would carry her even further away.
Fernanda got my attention in middle school when a rubber band popped off her braces in math class and landed in the middle of my desk. I could tell she thought I would give her a dirty look as she blushed in embarrassment, on the verge of tears. Instead, I handed it back to her. Thanks to Fernanda, I passed math.
“Pauline is right. You didn’t miss anything.” There was a hint of bitterness in her voice. Her eyes flicked towards Ruben when he brought over a bag of Cheetos, a faint blush blooming on her cheeks. She immediately looked down at her drink.
“I thought your speech was wonderful, Fernanda. Salutatorian is still a great honor.”
Her eyes moved to his shoes. “Thanks, Ruben.
Um . . . do you think you can give me a ride home later, since you’re the only one not drinking?”
“Of course. Just tell me when you’re ready to leave.”
“My parents asked about you,” piped Ana, seeing the grumpy disposition I was trying to hold in. “I’m still on the fence about a teaching assistant position, but if you are interested my parents could probably hook you up.”
Ana was from a family of teachers but was unsure if she wanted to pursue teaching herself. However,
