Giulio
The words my mother told me on her dying day will always be engraved within me.
All good things end. It is okay because they existed and will continue to exist in your heart, even if you cannot see them. Live in the now. Love in the now. Trust life, amore.
I was only nine years old at the time and it wasn’t until I first laid eyes on Valencia that I completely understood the severity of her words.
I recall the day we met, how Valencia entered my company with two dozen of her eager high school students by her side, ready for their art field trip. It was her first year teaching and she had blindly chosen my company, Notti Designs, as their excursion to learn how architecture and interior design can be incorporated into young minds.
That day, which also happened to be her twenty-first birthday, our hands touched for the very first time and the feeling electrified me. We both knew it was more than just a professional handshake. It was more like locking gazes and seeing our entire life in each other’s heated eyes. I never believed in soulmates or love at first sight before her, but Valencia changed all that. We looked at each other so intimately, and amid her warm grin and the wave of emotion dictating my heart, I just knew I was going to marry her.
With Valencia, I had finally found somebody to love. Somebody who knew me better than I knew myself. Somebody to share life’s achievements and nostalgic moments with. Life works in fucked up ways though. When I married the love of my life, I imagined only death would part us. I never thought we would be saying goodbye to each other and going on to live separate lives without one another. To me, it’s worse than death. It’s freaking torture because the arguments will stay with me forever, constantly echoing in my mind and manipulating me beyond repair.
We used to be so perfect together.
The fact that I needed to walk away from Valencia last night when all I wanted to do was hold her, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I didn’t mean to yell. I didn’t mean to break her bottle of anti-depressants. I didn’t mean to be the inadequate man I was to her.
There were so many thoughts circulating in my mind, when Addilyn dominated our conversation, I struggled to get the right words out…again.
I just keep on making everything worse.
“Bye, daddy!” Slonne waves goodbye to me by the school gates and scurries off to greet her friends. I keep an eye on this Samuel kid who plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek, his firm arm slithering around her neck.
Watch it, kiddo. That’s my daughter.
I’m not ready for it, no matter how cute it may be.
“Dad? I wanna ask you something.”
Oscar is still by my side gripping his backpack straps. It’s the green dinosaur one he couldn’t take his eyes off of during first grade shopping a couple of weeks back. Oscar is the passionate type of kid, the one who doesn’t let go of what he truly desires until it’s in his little hands. He’s a fighter.
They both are.
I fall to one knee with a smile. “Yes?”
Hesitation crosses his expression before fading. “Why were you…”
“What’s going on, buddy? We don’t want you to be late for—”
“Why were you and Mommy fighting last night?”
Shit.
I pull him into a tight embrace. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. A pang hits my heart. Deep down, I know these little white lies will do more harm than good. Valencia and I aim to be as honest as we can around them; however, there’s things they’re too young to understand.
“I’m sorry if it scared you, Oscar. There were some issues Mommy and I needed to resolve and we couldn’t come to an agreement.”
“But you told me to never yell at Slonne. Why did you yell at Mommy then?”
“I made a mistake. A big one.” My stubbled jaw grazes his knitted sweater when I kiss his shoulder. I feel so bad. There’s a weight in my chest that won’t subside. “I let my anger come out instead of talking to Mommy properly. I’m going to apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
I stand and take him with me.
He sinks into my right hip and pats down my black tie. “You promise?”
“I promise, amore. I’m really sorry I let you down.”
“It’s okay. I guess everybody makes mistakes sometimes. Even grown-ups like you.”
Behind my forced smile, all the strings mastered by the puppeteers who abducted Addilyn snap.
Managing a team and managing my own children often blend into each other. All the grit, compromises, and good judgment is there. With my children, however, I have to be careful with the habits they pick up. Last night wasn’t my proudest moment, and I take note of the promise I made to Oscar. Mostly because it’s the same one I conjured in my mind all night, lending me yet another restless night.
“You’re right.” I start. “We all fall off track sometimes. The important thing is to come back up even stronger than before. I promise to be better at navigating my emotion with Mom.”
The warning bell buzzes across the schoolyard.
“Okay. Bye, Daddy!”
“I love you, buddy.”
“Love you too!” Oscar runs off to class.
Surrounding me, parents scramble to get back inside their cars to begin their days. It’s the second day of first grade for the twins and tomorrow marks the beginning of Labor Day weekend. For almost seven years straight we’ve always embarked on some type of road trip to celebrate the three-day weekend as a family…that won’t be happening this year.
I slip inside my black Porsche Cayenne SUV and dial my younger half-brother’s number.
Marcus’ line goes straight to voicemail.
Typical.
Whenever his phone is off in the morning, it means one of two things: he has some farfetched excuse and isn’t coming into the office, or he simply hasn’t yet thought
