I ignore his masculine resistance and listen to his broken, pained voice instead. I continue to embrace him, and this time he wraps his arms around me as well. We take refuge in each other. I am still confused about how I feel, but we’re miserable apart and so I concentrate on that for now.
“It’s okay, Giulio. You don’t need to hide from me. You never need to hide from me.”
His body goes limp against mine.
He allows me to hold him.
To touch him.
To be the strong one.
I hold him closer and one hand slides to the back of his head. My fingers weave through his smooth hair and I kiss it. It proves to be all he needs because he holds my waist, gives in to me, and nuzzles his head in my neck with tears rolling from his eyes to my skin.
“I have been unfair to you. I want you to know that none of this is your fault,” I whisper, swallowing the fire bellowing at the back of my throat. “I want you to know that you matter. You count. You are not weak. You are not a curse.”
“But I failed you, Lencia. I failed every single thing.”
“No, you didn’t. None of this is your fault and I’m sorry for blaming you. Yes, it was simpler for us once, but that’s life. That’s marriage. This is us perfecting our epilogue and we’re giving it our all. We’ll get through this because we always do. We’ll find our kids. You are their father. They are half of you. But…” I breathe in an extra breath. “You are all of me.”
Giulio pulls me closer. Even more desperately.
Tears overtake me at the thought of losing him. I don’t know what this means for us; if it’s the beginning or the end, but what I do know is that my healing through all of this has always been my family. Giulio and I have been fighting for the solution when it’s been right in front of us this entire time. Although I’m still shaken by what he did, I shouldn’t turn on him in tough times.
I’m learning to be me again.
I’m learning to ease my depression.
I’m learning to be strong and strength means never backing down from what you truly love, especially in times of hysteria, especially from those thorns.
The sirens are blaring. The police must be at the end of the street. I only have a brief moment before they arrive.
“I never want you to ever talk about death like that again. Ever. Your father was a toxic man and was wrong. You turned your life around. You are a fighter, Giulio Giannotti, and I will not allow you to stand down now. I share your last name and that makes me proud. You make me proud. So don’t give up, especially because of me. Never because of me. Without you, clients would never live the lives they deserve. Without you, this world would be a whole lot emptier.” I smile because the words run straight to my heart and put back all the strings in jumbled places. But at least they’re back. The order of each chamber can wait. “Giulio, without you my heart would not beat the same. The world needs you in it. I need you in it. What has happened to us is unimaginable and it will take me time to understand what is best for us now, but there’s nobody else I would want to go through this with but you and that’s why you matter.”
Passion blooms in his gaze, alongside that small smile in the midst of this fury. “Thank you. Those words bring me strength. I will give you all the time in the world. I promise, Lencia.”
Thank you for making me believe, Giulio.
I will never abandon him because that would only mean abandoning myself and our children. I haven’t come this far to crash and burn. I need Giulio just as much as he needs me. But I need to sort out my head first. I need to comprehend how witnessing a life end in front of me really makes me feel.
All the words I spoke were bound in truth. I want him to know it all. I’m his only family this very minute and I desperately need him to know just how important he is to me. By the pained smile on his face, I know he understands.
Giulio has always been there for me. He’s supported me. Rallied me on. Gave me a job. Helped during my panic attacks. Defended me. Lifted me up. Made me believe that I, Valencia Giannotti, will get through any inferno because I am capable of rising out of the embers.
Flashing red and blue lights blind me. Two police cars park in front of the house and cut the sirens. I hear Helena’s steps behind us.
I have to face this all by myself, but I’ll continue holding on. The enemy will not beat us. The abductors of my children will come to light. They’ll never win. No. Not anymore.
Game on.
Giulio and I share one final embrace before I give over my tattered soul to the investigation. I’m committed to face it all. The hurt. The pain. The fear. The glory.
We need our three angels. I’m not backing down without a fight.
As the officers near, I take one long glance at Giulio. I take in his sunken eyes and pursed lips. His beaten body and his glistering tears. His inner demons and the exposed lie. Yet, all I see are his beautiful silver linings. His love. His hopes. His ruthless sacrifices for his family.
With all his vulnerabilities and our passionate reckoning unveiled, it dawns on me that our story isn’t over. I still want this. I still love him. In fact, I don’t think I will ever be capable of not loving Giulio
