The knot in my throat swells. I’m burning.
Tears cascade down, dripping to my neck. I cannot feel my heart beating. It’s numb. Just like the rest of me. “I can’t do this, Giulio.”
“Sixteen.”
“Darling, look at me.” His voice is so soft and calm, as if he isn’t in a life or death situation. When I do, Giulio manages to smile through his tear-stained cheeks. An angel amongst this hell. It warms me but doesn’t settle my uneasy breaths. “You need Addilyn, yes?”
I nod.
“Do you need Slonne?”
Nod.
“Fourteen.”
“Do you need Oscar?”
Another nod.
“Then this is the only way out. I’ll be okay.”
“But I need you too. I need you with me.”
“I will be with you, baby. Just in another way.”
“No. I need you to hold me. I need you to hold our kids. You can’t do that if you’re…” My voice breaks and I cannot get the word out.
Giulio looks down at his lap but it’s not enough to conceal the pain on his face he so desperately wants to keep in. It’s true. I need him. This cannot be the last time I see him. I refuse. I refuse to let it end here. To let go of a feeling so strong. To really lose him without the choice or chance of repairing our marriage because we would be in another world.
“Nine,” Blue Eyes snarls. “Click off the safety.”
Oh my god.
“Eight. Click off the safety. DO IT!”
I do as I’m told.
I will never forgive myself if I do this. Our children will have to live with this. There needs to be another way. There needs to be. There always is.
“I’m so sorry, Lencia. I’m sorry for everything I have done. I didn’t mean to ruin us and I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can understand that all I ever wanted was to make you happy and protect our family. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“Four.”
“You do make me happy. I’m so sorry too. I want you. I want you, Giulio.”
“Three.”
“I want you too, baby. Show Addilyn the stars. I’ll be there.”
“Giulio, I—”
The man cuts me off. “Two.”
“I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can. You need to do it.” Giulio nods bravely. “You’re my air. You always will be, even after. Tell our children that I will always love them. Always. Okay?”
“One.”
“Okay.” My heart aches. There is nothing but passionate love burning in his eyes and mine mirror the same. This is the love of my life. The only man I want. This cannot be the end.
“Zero.” Blue Eyes snaps his fingers. “Do it. Pull the trigger.”
I can’t.
“SHOOT HIM!”
My finger brushes against the trigger.
“DO IT!”
“I love you.” Giulio holds his breath and now fear is all I see in him. “It doesn’t matter where I am. I’m yours, Lencia.”
“I love you too.”
This is not the end.
“DO IT!”
No.
“PULL THE TRIGGER! DO IT!”
It can’t be…
“SHOOT HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW!”
I jerk the gun to the left, aim, and pull the trigger.
Blue Eyes drops his gun as he falls to his knees and clutches his chest. Dark crimson pours through his garments and without thinking I shoot two more rounds. He stumbles back and falls to the ground with a heavy thud, his head cracking against the concrete with a reverberating echo.
Dead. Lifeless. Gone.
Oh my dear god.
I let go of the hot silver gun and rush up to the love of my life.
Our victory kiss is hard and fueled with the awareness that we’re both still alive. We made it. The adrenaline continues to pump through me even with his comforting presence and I pull away in tears. “I love you. I love you so much, Giulio.”
“I love you more, Lencia.”
“He’s dead. He won’t hurt us anymore.”
Tonight, I have saved a man and killed another, all within the same minute.
Giulio leans our foreheads together. “We’ll get out of this mess. Everything will be okay. It needed to be done. We’ve both made scarifies to save our family now and we can’t go down for them. We need to be here for our children.”
“This has to stay between us.”
I am a killer.
Pulling that trigger wasn’t right but it was the only solution. As I help Giulio out of his restraints, I realize that I am no different than him. In fact, I am exactly like him. Only now do I truly understand why Giulio did what he did. Killing in self-defense makes sense. It’s clearer what must have gone through Giulio’s mind when he killed his father and the intruder. It must have been the same thing that ran through my head seconds before I shot again…protecting the ones we love at all costs.
This is a part of the ‘whatever it takes.’
I saw the father of my children, the man I love, and everything that I am…and I reacted.
Now, both Giulio and I have gambled with the fate of our children to save each other. This isn’t the point where I give up. This is the point where I continue running to the finish line. Because I know that even if I have lost everything tonight, I have gained Giulio.
He is mine again.
We’ve been shattered by the outside world and turned on ourselves when we should have sought healing in each other’s arms instead.
When Giulio’s free, we share a tight embrace. The one that was supposed to be goodbye turns into one that says, I love you. I need you. I am sorry. I want this. I never want to let go. It’s everything at once and is the perfect symbol of us and just how far we are willing to go to keep our family safe.
“You saved me. Thank you.”
“We saved each other, Giulio. I understand why you did it now because I know why I did it. I don’t regret it. I can never regret it with you. I’m sorry I blamed you. I’m so sorry I walked away from us when you needed me the most. I never will again. Not
