A man steps out of the driver’s seat and greets the woman with a long passionate kiss. Bryce shakes his head and turns to me while taking a long drag of his cigarette. His cockney accent comes next. “The Porsche drivers always get the women, right?”
I don’t respond.
“So ya sister’s something else…isn’t she?”
“She worries about me.”
“Hmmm.” Bryce pulls out a second cigarette and waves it around. “It’s yours if ya want it.”
“No, thank you.”
“Of course.” He mumbles under his breath. Taking another drag, the glint of the death stick illuminates his arcane eyes. “You’re too good for it. A mother and all, aye?”
My rapidly beating heart comes second against his larger than life ego. I’ve had it with him and snatch the second cigarette, lighting it with the tip of his. Inhaling, I draw it to my trembling lips and take two long puffs.
It doesn’t last long.
You went way too bold, Valencia.
I cough through the clouds, the nicotine essence enough to turn me off. “Satisfied?”
Bryce has no words. A part of me wants to say I’m proud of his shocked, parted lips. I did that. I guess he wasn’t expecting that ballsy move out of me.
Sometimes going bold adds up!
The cigarette crushes underneath my pivoting ballerina flat and I shove my hands in my Levi’s for warmth. “So, what is it that you wanted to tell me?”
Bryce rubs his short beard, erasing the disbelief. “I want to apologize about the other night. I went too far, right. You were drunk and vulnerable and I was feeling the same…Looking back I see I took advantage of that. I should have stopped when ya were telling me to.”
I nod. “Is that all?”
“Yeah…”
“Okay. I’m going back in.”
“Wait, I just worked up the courage to apologize to ya. The least ya can do is…I don’t know, give me some feedback or something.”
“Bryce, you’re trying to bullshit me.”
“No.” His accent softens and he shakes his head. The furrowing of his brows and forehead causes a creased line in the middle of his eyebrows. “That’s not it at all. I want to apologize for all the pain I caused. You and Giulio are both suffering an incredible loss and I should have been more considerate.”
“Okay, but what happens three days from now? Huh? What happens in two weeks when you pull the same act? How do I know that you’re not going to try something like this again?”
“I’m very capable of treating a woman right. Don’t get it twisted,” Bryce grits, tossing the death stick away to enter my personal space. He lowers his head to meet mine and all of a sudden I’m staring into pained eyes. “Just because ya had a bad introduction with me doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of some type of forgiveness or a small smile.”
“Listen, I take full responsibly for the drinking aspect. I should have limited myself and I don’t know why I didn’t. But that night last week after Giulio took me to his house, it brought back a lot of heartache for me, the same heartache I’m attempting to suppress to help myself. I thought I could trust you. I wanted to help you with the designs so when you began…when you did that, it brought back the feelings I attempt to get rid of every day. The violation. The feeling of not owning my thoughts and feelings.”
Bryce takes a step back before looking away.
He has nothing for me.
I can finally breathe without inhaling a gulp of his cologne. The truth was eating me alive and so it feels exhilarating to have finally opened up.
I take one last look at Bryce McCarson, at his dark brown hair and that golden complexion. He’s only wearing jeans and a t-shirt and I question his warmth inside my head. That’s the mother in me. Put a jacket on, you’ll get a cold.
I reach for the door handle, only for the Englishman’s voice to vibrate every single plunged piece of my soul I left behind here on this Seattle sidewalk.
“I grew up with only my mother. She raised me into the man I am today. She did the best she could as a single mother. Working three jobs and constantly long hours to help others, now she can’t even help herself. I’m not proud of some of the things I do, but I always admit when I’m wrong and I just did that. I’m not that type of man and yes the alcohol fucked with me, but I still know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry. I really am sorry I did that to you. No woman deserves that and I feel terrible I hurt you. But don’t ya act like you’ve never done something you’ve regretted doing in your life.”
“I have.”
“So let’s hear it. Come on, we’ll go for a short walk and maybe you’ll start to realize that you and I are not that different.”
It starts, the gripping at my chest that pleads to be freed from everything he is offering. I have to trust him on this. And so we stroll against the soft whistling of the wind.
I know Bryce is waiting on my response. “The last time I saw Addilyn. That’s my regret. Giulio was in London for work and I had invited my parents, Helena, and Marcus over for dinner. I set Addilyn down in her bassinet and was in the living room when Addilyn began crying. At times, it settled down. The baby monitor wasn’t on and so when she quieted down, I didn’t check on her until after we walked outside to say goodbye to Helena. My parents, Marcus, and I…we couldn’t believe it. She was gone. Cameras show somebody broke the window in the split moments we were
