“I don’t want to hurt you more. I know I might if we talk about Addilyn.”
“No hurt. I will listen with no judgment tonight. I promise.”
Giulio signs. “It will still hurt you.”
“I can carry a heavy heart.”
The rumble of the city so close drowns out the heavy fluttering of my anxious mind. Right now, there are so many things I feel for him that have taken months to come to light. It’s only in these past three weeks working for him where everything has begun falling into place.
In slow, delicate steps he approaches me from behind. My heart is set on fire.
Giulio doesn’t need to say a word.
He knows me.
The warmth he provides with his bare chest against my exposed back can save me from a rising tide. When he sweeps my hair off my right shoulder and hugs me from behind, I smile against his secure touch. This is exactly where I want him. How I need him. Why I love him.
“But I want to carry the heavy heart for you, baby.”
“Do you not believe Addilyn is alive because of your mother?”
“Yes,” he whispers and rests his chin upon the edge of my right shoulder.
“During this time I’ve learned that concealing the past leads you nowhere. We have to confront it with fresh eyes and…I want to understand you. Let me in.”
“I try my best to be the man she would have wanted me to be, but I keep failing.”
“I beg to differ. She would be so proud of you.”
Giulio sucks in a breath. “My mother is the reason I don’t believe Addilyn is alive. I have the perfect fantasy that they’re together. That they’re happy and have each other. Without the fantasy, I lose myself and don’t know who I am anymore. Without it, my mother is alone up there. I can’t have the agony of waiting it out. I need a solution to this madness and acceptance is what I resorted to these past few months.”
It makes sense for him. That’s the architect in Giulio; needing everything with precise solutions and followed through with accuracy. I understand it perfectly now.
“My solution is courage to keep believing. I need to find her, even if I’m the only one.”
Usually, this would spark a circular debate, but tonight everything is different. “I’ve tried, baby. I’ve tried so hard to believe it too. Of course I want to believe it, but in these last months, I’ve been incapable of doing so and it ruins me. It ruins me because I know how greatly you want her and I want her too. But there’s this…toxin inside me that doesn’t let me grasp it.”
“Let me be your cure.”
“Convince me to change. Maybe if you convince me then…” Giulio’s desperate lips brush against my neck, electrifying every sensual kiss. I ease back, rolling my head to the side to deepen his access. His stubble grazes my skin through every peck. “Convince me, amore.”
“There will be no battlefield. We can exist in a way that isn’t just memories. We don’t have to…hold each other accountable. We don’t have to have this divide. I understand your fear and your reasoning. Let’s say Addilyn is with your mother now and she’s guiding her, but what if you hold onto hope for Addilyn and she can be returned to us with your mother’s safe touch? I love your mother, Giulio. I never met her, but I know I love her because she made you into the man you are. You carried her wisdom and warmth. Her courage and strength. You took her greatest hidden agony and you protected her. You stood by her even when she wasn’t able to do so herself. That doesn’t only take a man, it takes a good man, and that is what you are. She would want us to be happily thriving in life and for us to never lose faith in her granddaughter. She would want Addilyn to be back in our arms…if we’re united, we can make that happen.”
“You don’t know how much that means to me.” I’m relieved that through his pained voice, he holds onto me closer “I don’t want to spend another second losing you, Lencia. You and our kids are the best things that have happened to me. Without you, I would have nothing.”
“We need each other. I don’t want to spend my life without you, Giulio.”
“And I need you in mine. As my wife, as my one and only. You can rely on me, amore.”
Inches apart, I turn to face him. “You can rely on me too.”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore. I believe it, Lencia. I want our daughter more than ever. Let’s find her, because now I realize it’s not false hope; it’s the only way. I believe it now.” Giulio’s eyes allow our greatest vulnerability to be exposed as he cups my face ever so fondly. “I love you. I love you so much, Valencia Giannotti. I always have. I always will.”
My entire world comes alive. “I love you.”
Giulio crushes his lips on mine and hoists me to his waist in the same second. He blindly navigates the stairs down until we stumble into the bedroom, where he kicks off his shoes and I lower to strip his clothes in our fiery passion.
It can’t be more perfect than this—Giulio trusting hope.
He devours every inch of my body with tender kisses to prove just how much he means it. Emotion blooms inside my chest when I fall back against the soft gray sheets and he shows love to my cesarean scar. The warm saturated glow cast down from the ceiling illuminates every scar of our past. I love us more for it. He believes in Addilyn. He believes
