I pick up the mic. “Go ahead, dispatch.”
“We have a code 20 in front of the courthouse. Officers need assistance, and you’re the closest to their vicinity.”
Shit! First, my favorite diner is robbed and shot up. Now I gotta deal with a lunatic ranting in front of the courthouse hell of a way to kick off the day.
“On my way.” I flip on the siren and blow through the red light darting across the intersection and weaving through traffic like a quarterback going for a touchdown.
Arriving at the scene, there is a sight that makes me want to gouge out my eyes. It’s a stark naked man with a tinfoil hat on his head. He’s ranting about the government sending out brainwaves and how we’re being ruled by reptilian demons. I stroll up to the two uniforms who are trying to talk him down with the megaphone. “The looney’s always come out in the morning, huh, officers?”
“Lobos? I didn’t expect you to be our back up.”
I give them a half shrug. “I was in the area. What’s this guy’s deal?”
“Okay, we get a call about a disturbance in front of the courthouse about fifteen minutes ago. We show up and see… all that.”
“Have either of you approached him yet?”
“Yes, we did, but the man is nonresponsive. Then out of now where, he starts yelling we are reptilian agents. He threatened to kill us if we got too close.”
Fuck me… it’s too early for this shit. My hands are still trembling from that last bit of drama.
I smirk. “Reptilians, huh? Looks like another case of a conspiracy theorist gone coo-coo for cocoa puffs.”
“Looks that way, Detective.” The other cop cackles.
“Does he have any weapons that you’ve seen?”
“No.”
“Hostages, bombs?”
He furrows his brow and shakes his head. “No, none of that.” Their rookie colors are bleeding through that black uniform.
“Give me your Taser, officer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I wanna show you how to shut this shit down.” He hands me his Taser with a puzzled look. “Watch and learn, boys.” Approaching Mr. Bat Shit with the Taser tucked behind my back. A wild look fills his eyes. “You stay back! You damn dirty reptilian whore. You won’t seduce me with your tricky demonic wiles.” He puts himself in a Kung Fu stance.
“Sir, what the hell is your problem?”
“Get back, vile temptress!” He screams. To hell, with this, I have more important shit to do than stand here dealing with this fruit cake. I raise the Taser. The wires lands square in his chest, sending him falling to the ground, convulsing and howling like a dog. I motion for the officers, they swoop in and throw the cuffs on him. “You see that shit, rookies? Zap! Problem solved. Now people can go about their daily lives.”
“I’m sorry, Lobos. I froze up,” he says.
I give him his Taser back. “Wise up or die, rookie,” I say, heading back to my car. Now time to head to that gun store. I put the car in gear, putting psycho land in my rearview. Let’s see where the address of that gun store is again. Ah, here it is on N 40th street.
***
After an hour ride through morning rush hour traffic, I arrive at Frontier Guns&Ammo store. Stepping out of my car, I spot an older man wearing a plaid button-down shirt and blue jeans along with brown work boots. “Excuse me, sir.”
He turns around. “Yes?”
I flash my badge on my belt. “Detective Lobos. I was wondering if I could have a word with you.”
“Ah shoot, ma’am. I was hoping you was gonna buy something.”
“No, not today.”
“Well, what can I help you with, officer?”
“I need to look at your gun sales to see if you sold any H&K nine mils recently. With your consent, of course.”
“I don’t recall selling any nine mils recently, but you’re welcome to come in and check my logbook.”
I follow him into the store, and he flips the lights on revealing a store with glass display cases in the center and oak gun cases locked behind glass, and various heads of predators mounted all over the walls. But these are not predators. They’re just beings doing what they do to survive. In my experience, humans are the real predators.
He returns from the backroom and lays the book on the table. “Not a computer guy, huh?”
“Shit no! My daddy didn’t like his business relying on computers because it’s a machine, and he said machines break down all the time.”
I open the book. “Smart man.” The bell on the door jingles. “If you need to go take care of those customers, I can handle it from here.”
I concentrate better without some asshole hovering over me anyway, so I am glad customers came in.
So far I’m not seeing any sales of nine mils. As I get to the last page, there was one 9mm sold, an H&K model around the first of the year on January 3rd, 2018 registered owner is a one Glen Cooper he lives at 2216 Durham ST.
“Thank you for all your cooperation, sir. Have a nice day.”
He lazily throws his hand up. “You too, Detective.” I exit the store and light up a cigarette and slip on my sunglasses. The sun is getting on my damn nerves right now.
***
Arriving on Durham Street, I head down the road a ways through the neighborhood till I get to 2216.
I pull up next to the curb. Walking up to the door, I
