ONE MORE, CRAZY MAMA!
“All right just one more,” I tell her.
“Tell me the Jewish one again, that’s a fucking good one.”
The word “Jewish” takes my breath away.
“Crazy Mama?” Tanya asks.
There’s sand on my tongue.
THE JEWISH ONE
“How do you know a Jew is mad at you?” I ask Tanya.
“How, how, how??” she’s jumping up and down.
“They tell you to Go to Hell… and then worry that you’ll get there all right.”
A SMALL FINGER
Inching its way on my tongue like a caterpillar. Pulling itself down my throat.
I vomit into the steel toilet.
“Shit, Crazy Mama, that’s fucking gross!” Tanya yells out.
EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE IN LIFE
That’s what Lisette tells me to tell Tanya.
“What’s my purpose then, if you’re such a smart ass?” Tanya says.
VISITOR
Tanya likes games. Lisette says that’s very useful. She tells me to tell her that she’s going to have a visitor. Tanya can teach him a lesson. Tanya can take her time with it. It keeps Tanya occupied.
“Those who cannot find peace,” Lisette says, “should be kept occupied.”
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
Tanya asks.
“Well,” I tell her, “they told me they’ll let you get your nails done regularly.”
“For real?”
“And…”
“And?”
“And you can do whatever you want with him. I heard you have very strong hands, Tanyechka.”
THE SEA
Every now and then, the sea still comes to my eyes.
I report this to Lisette.
LISETTE TEACHES ME SOMETHING IN HER LANGUAGE
I repeat it diligently. She tells me my accent is not too bad. I try to improve it. I would like to say it just like her. I repeat it in the morning and I repeat it at night. Lisette tells me that it is sounding better and better.
Cet amour, cet amour, cet amour,
This love,
THIS LOVE
When I sleep, I dream of waves, sparkling waves, that burn, burn, burn with the same voice.
I am
a lone
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
sailboat
mama come look I’m sparkling mama look look I sparkle mama don’t
come near me it will sizzle mama stay away mama I miss you mama
where are you mama show yourself come closer mama step back mama
my tears cry tears cry tears cry tears for you mama I burn I will burn you
mama if you hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me mama don’t come
any closer the world will end it will end it will end mama with my touch
BROTHERS
MY SISTER, LISETTE
She’s kind of like my best friend. She’s kind of like my mom. She’s kind of like my home.
THE FUTURE
My sister, Lisette, has always attracted people to her. They just come to her. They ask her questions. Whenever we go anywhere, the whole place gathers around her. Asking her questions. Questions about the future.
TRICKS
My sister, Lisette, has tricks she teaches people sometimes. Tricks to help them. People want to be helped. But then, they get angry at Lisette when it hurts.
HER CUPID’S BOW
My sister, Lisette, never forces anyone. People just listen to her. When we’re all alone, she tells me that it’s funny—the choice—people think—they have.
I MET THIS JEWISH BOY
I tell my sister. He’s really nice. She asks me where I met him. I say on the street. Where on the street, she asks. I say on the street, on the street. Like he’s got no home? She asks. I nod.
BROTHERS
I’m so happy cause I always wanted a brother. I don’t tell my sister that. I don’t want her to feel bad, or like she’s not enough. It’s different. Brothers.
AT FIRST WE MAKE HIM A BED OUT OF BLANKETS NEXT TO MY BED
He sleeps there. I never ask him anything about his one bad eye. I know you’re not supposed to bring that type of stuff up to people. Instead, I ask him about his necklace. He lets me touch it. Says he found it. In the sand. Where? I ask. Near Lake Michigan? No, he says, in the sand in the Soviet Union. Oh yeah? I say. I’m not sure where the Soviet Union is. He can see that. He says, It was east. But that it doesn’t exist anymore. He holds the pendant between his fingertips and he tells me it’s the only thing of value in his life.
Soon, he just sleeps with me in my bed.
SUNRISE, SUNSET
On Friday at sundown, he says he can’t touch anything with electricity. He asks me to turn on and off the lights for him. He asks me not to heat up his food for him. He tells me he faces east to pray. In the direction of the beach where he found his necklace. And when he prays it sounds like singing. And when he sings, he’s probably the most beautiful human I have ever seen.
TROUBLE
I got to study during the day, because I’m still finishing up my high school degree.
Cause I messed up last year at school. Cause I got into trouble. What kind of trouble? he asks me. I don’t wanna say. He puts his hand on my wrist and tells me it’s okay. I don’t have to say if I don’t want to. I look down at the carpet. I just stopped going to school, I guess. You gotta show up, apparently, I say. He laughs. Then when it’s quiet again, I tell him that sometimes I get really afraid. For no reason. I don’t know why. Something’ll just make me really afraid. And then I’m scared. I’m so scared.
HE TELLS ME
He understands.
THAT NIGHT
He asks me if I’m sleeping. I say no. He twists and turns on his side. Then he stops. He lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. I do the same. We forgot to close the curtain, so there’s a little bit of moon running across our knees. Otherwise it’s dark. He tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too.
LOVE
After that, I realize there is a word
