I did not dare let myself give in to the surge of happiness rising within me, telling myself I did not care either way whether she showed up for me or not.
Later, I found Cole in our home office huddled in a chair with his nose buried in a novel and informed him that I was using Skye's pictures in my show with her permission.
He gave me an inscrutable look and then shrugged. "Yeah, okay," was all he said before going back to his reading.
Subject closed. Sometimes I wanted to shake him hard and yell at him to wake the fuck up and see what his ignorance was doing to the two people he loved. Other times, I just felt sorry for him. He could not help feeling the things he did. Love was not about forcing someone to see things your way.
Instead of losing my shit, I did what I always do when I was stressed and couldn't fuck it out of my system. I sat down with my trusty scotch and drank myself into oblivion.
~~~
Cole
"What would you do if you discovered your wife wanted to be with two guys at once?" I asked suddenly.
Armaan Qureshi looked up at me from where he sat frowning at a design plan in our office at the construction site and studied me for a minute.
What in the world had possessed me to ask him that? The morning had started off like any other. I had arrived at work on time and liaised with the construction crew over how we wanted things to proceed today and now, it was almost time for a lunch break but these days, my mind refused to give me any downtime.
Skye and Jasper. They were all I could think about. The pain I was putting them through. My throat closed up every time I tried to talk to either of them about it. It was easier to be ignorant. Act like I was in denial. I wasn't. You couldn't hide from things like that when they stared at you in the face every day.
But confronting the problem meant coming to a decision and I could not decide what to do about this even if somebody put a gun to my temple. I couldn't go there without my heart threatening to break out of my chest. My fear trying to drown me. It would be easier to have the decision taken out of my hands if they just went and hooked up secretly behind my back and I suddenly discovered them in bed together or something.
But nope. These two...they fucking loved me to death. I never doubted their faithfulness to me, their commitment to making sure they never hurt me. Shit. What had I done to deserve such lovers? Nothing. Nothing at all.
"Is this about Skye?" Armaan finally spoke up, getting straight to the point as he leaned back in his leather chair and locked his arms behind his head.
I had never met a more laid back guy in my life who also got highly emotional at the oddest things. It was fun working with him. I learned a lot and liked to regard him as a friend now. Someone who did not judge you for the weird choices you made in life and also, did not waste time on bullshit.
I looked down at the plan and smoothed my palm over it absently. "Well...er...how did you-?"
"Know?" He laughed shortly. "I was there that night, too. It was kind of obvious."
I frowned at him. Maybe I should not have said anything. Did he consider me stupid now for acting like I did not pay attention to Skye and Jasper?
"Anyway, to answer your question, first of all I would throw a huge tantrum and then try to get her to stop thinking about this other guy by resorting to cheap tricks like coercion and manipulation, including using sex as a weapon," he said in a careless tone. "If none of that works," he continued with a shrug, "I guess I'll just learn to share."
I stared at him, trying to figure out if he was serious or not.
Armaan gave me a steady look. "Bro. It would kill me a little bit every day but shit, there's nothing I wouldn't do for Jasmine. My only hard limit is that she never hurts herself by going after what she wants because I can't see that. I can't see her hurting."
His words stirred up something deep inside me. A mixture of anger, shame and guilt? It bugged the hell out of me. I swallowed down the bitterness and sat down in my chair, rubbing my hands over my face. Armaan went back to his work without any further comment, staying silent and absorbed in the papers before him.
"I don't want to hurt them," I said quietly after what seemed like ages and pain tightened up my facial muscles. I exhaled slowly and blinked back tears. "All my life, I've been passed around from one foster home to another. As soon as I got used to one situation, suddenly I was thrown into a different one. And then I met Jasper and...he was it. He was...my home. The one thing that remained constant." I shook my head while staring out a window overlooking the construction site where workers milled about in the bright Italian sun.
"Falling for Skye seemed natural. It wasn't even a love-at-first-sight thing. I talked to her every day and...the essence of her...it just seemed to shine through. Like she was calling out to me. To claim her." I clasped my hands and stared at them morosely. "But...Jasper was mine, you know. I couldn't handle the change. Him suddenly wanting what he had allowed me to have. And then Skye actually wanting him back when I thought I
