I turned as though on auto-pilot and went through the motions of kissing, feeling him dragging up my t-shirt to touch my chest and his thigh pressing against mine. It went on for about a minute or so before I really started to put in the effort and match his enthusiasm.
I put my hand on the back of his neck to angle his head and ravage his mouth. Logan let out a groan and one of his hands drifted down to palm my dick through my jeans. My movements grew more aggressive; I pushed against his hand and covered it with mine to guide him on how I wanted to be fondled.
Another minute passed like that before I snatched my mouth away from him and growled, "Fuck. Fuck."
I stood up and walked over to the door, thumping a fist against it in frustration. I heard Logan shifting behind me, clearing his throat.
"Jasper, it's fine," he began. "We don't have to. We can just hang out for now."
Like we had been doing for two weeks. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I fuck him? Why couldn't I get it up? I screwed my eyes shut and all I could see was Cole's devastated expression. I shattered him tonight. In every sense of the word. I broke whatever was left of him. I thought I was doing the right thing. Then why did it feel so fucking wrong? Why did I hate myself for doing that?
When I finally recovered my composure, my hand closed around the doorknob.
"I'm going home, Logan."
"You really don't have to go."
I shook my head determinedly. "No. I really do. And I'm sorry...I don't think I can do this," I told him curtly. "And I don't just mean the sex."
.....
When I walked into the cottage at around eleven p.m, I found Jasmine sitting on the couch, wearing her pjs and drinking something that smelled like hot cocoa.
"You're late," she said to me off-handedly and I rolled my eyes. First she kicks me out, then she complains when I don't come home on time.
Without looking at me, she pointed to the kitchen counter where another steaming cup of something was waiting for me. I grabbed it because I was kind of thirsty and headed over to the couch to join her, placing my laptop on the small table in front of us.
"So...how was he?" I asked casually once I had settled into a comfortable position and extended my legs out in front of me, finally feeling relaxed in the warmth of the fire. This place sure had grown on me.
"Not as good as you," she replied just as casually and I smiled a little. "How was Logan?" she added.
Avoiding her eyes, I straightened a little and studied my cup of cocoa, unable to talk about it as embarrassment crept through me again.
"Oh no. It happened again, didn't it? You always look like that whenever it happens-"
"Okay why does everybody keep wanting to talk about my dick?" I snapped at her. "It's a private matter, I mean, what the fuck?"
Jasmine looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh. I glared at her. She looked away deliberately and I was glad she kept her mouth shut because I swear to God if one more person reminded me of my erectile issues...
"Ok, here, I thought we should go through our mail and act like responsible adults for once," she said after a moment, dumping a bunch of envelopes and boxes between us on the couch to sort them out.
I didn't remind her that I usually did act like a responsible adult and go through my mail whereas she was the one who flitted about acting like a restless teenager most of the time. I was still annoyed because of the sensitive subject she had broached earlier. Taking a sip of my cocoa, I shifted to sort through the mail. She'd gotten us both multiple entry visas and we were more or less based here for now so everything we needed in hard copies came through this address.
I picked up a small, square package addressed to Jasmine to hand it to her. Probably some new sex toy she'd ordered online. But she was sitting there slack-jawed, her expression kind of shocked as she stared at whatever was in her hands.
I frowned at her. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Jasmine shook her head as though in a daze and looked up at me like she had just realised I was there. For a moment, she didn't speak. Then, in a voice that was barely above a whisper, she said, "Armaan sent me divorce papers."
It was my turn to appear shocked as she went back to look at the document.
"Huh," I finally managed to utter. "Didn't think he had it in him."
My words made her give me a sharp look. "What do you mean? Why would you think that?"
I realised what I had almost let slip and cleared my throat. "Nothing, I...er...what's that?" I quickly asked, jerking my chin at the other envelope that had come with the divorce papers.
She narrowed her eyes at me shrewdly but didn't press for further explanation and slapped the divorce papers on the couch before ripping open the other envelope and removing what appeared to be a matte, black card from it.
I leaned over because I truly was curious to see what else her soon-to-be ex-husband had sent her after years of absolute silence and we both stared at the engagement party invitation for a few seconds.
"Motherfucker," she breathed as
