“Of course not,” Martin said. “What nonsense you talk.”
“There are,” the robot said rather wearily, “only a limited number of character matrices possible, depending first on the arrangement of the genes within the chromosomes, and later upon environmental additions. Since environments tend to repeat—like societies, you know—an organizational pattern isn’t hard to lay out, along the Kaldekooz time-scale. You follow me so far?”
“By the Kaldekooz time-scale, yes,” Martin said.
“I was always lucid,” the robot remarked a little vainly, nourishing a swirl of red ribbon.
“Keep that thing away from me,” Martin complained. “Drunk I may be, but I have no intention of sticking my neck out that far.”
“Of course you’ll do it,” the robot said firmly. “Nobody’s ever refused yet. And don’t bicker with me or you’ll get me confused and I’ll have to take another jolt of voltage. Then there’s no telling how confused I’ll be. My memory gives me enough trouble when I temporalize. Time-travel always raises the synaptic delay threshold, but the trouble is it’s so variable. That’s why I got you mixed up with Ivan at first. But I don’t visit him till after I’ve seen you—I’m running the test chronologically, and nineteen-fifty-two comes before fifteen-seventy, of course.”
“It doesn’t,” Martin said, tilting the glass to his lips. “Not even in Hollywood does nineteen-fifty-two come before fifteen-seventy.”
“I’m using the Kaldekooz time-scale,” the robot explained. “But really only for convenience. Now do you want the ideal ecological differential or don’t you? Because—” Here he flourished the red ribbon again, peered into the helmet, looked narrowly at Martin, and shook his head.
“I’m sorry,” the robot said. “I’m afraid this won’t work. Your head’s too small. Not enough brain-room, I suppose. This helmet’s for an eight and a half head, and yours is much too—”
“My head is eight and a half,” Martin protested with dignity.
“Can’t be,” the robot said cunningly. “If it were, the helmet would fit, and it doesn’t. Too big.”
“It does fit,” Martin said.
“That’s the trouble with arguing with pre-robot species,” ENIAC said, as to himself. “Low, brutish, unreasoning. No wonder, when their heads are so small. Now Mr. Martin—” He spoke as though to a small, stupid, stubborn child. “Try to understand. This helmet’s size eight and a half. Your head is unfortunately so very small that the helmet wouldn’t fit—”
“Blast it!” cried the infuriated Martin, caution quite lost between Scotch and annoyance. “It does fit! Look here!” Recklessly he snatched the helmet and clapped it firmly on his head. “It fits perfectly!”
“I erred,” the robot acknowledged, with such a gleam in his eye that Martin, suddenly conscious of his rashness, jerked the helmet from his head and dropped it on the desk. ENIAC quietly picked it up and put it back into his sack, stuffing the red ribbon in after it with rapid motions. Martin watched, baffled, until ENIAC had finished, gathered together the mouth of the sack, swung it on his shoulder again, and turned toward the door.
“Goodbye,” the robot said. “And thank you.”
“For what?” Martin demanded.
“For your cooperation,” the robot said.
“I won’t cooperate,” Martin told him flatly. “It’s no use. Whatever fool treatment it is you’re selling, I’m not going to—”
“Oh, you’ve already had the ecology treatment,” ENIAC replied blandly. “I’ll be back tonight to renew the charge. It lasts only twelve hours.”
“What!”
ENIAC moved his forefingers outward from the corners of his mouth, sketching a polite smile. Then he stepped through the door and closed it behind him.
Martin made a faint squealing sound, like a stuck but gagged pig.
Something was happening inside his head.
II
Nicholas Martin felt like a man suddenly thrust under an ice-cold shower. No, not cold—steaming hot. Perfumed, too. The wind that blew in from the open window bore with it a frightful stench of gasoline, sagebrush, paint, and—from the distant commissary—ham sandwiches.
“Drunk,” he thought frantically. “I’m drunk—or crazy!” He sprang up and spun around wildly; then catching sight of a crack in the hardwood floor he tried to walk along it. “Because if I can walk a straight line,” he thought, “I’m not drunk. I’m only crazy. …” It was not a very comforting thought.
He could walk it, all right. He could walk a far straighter line than the crack, which he saw now was microscopically jagged. He had, in fact, never felt such a sense of location and equilibrium in his life. His experiment carried him across the room to a wall-mirror, and as he straightened to look into it, suddenly all confusion settled and ceased. The violent sensory perceptions leveled off and returned to normal.
Everything was quiet. Everything was all right.
Martin met his own eyes in the mirror.
Everything was not all right.
He was stone cold sober. The Scotch he had drunk might as well have been spring-water. He leaned closer to the mirror, trying to stare through his own eyes into the depths of his brain. For something extremely odd was happening in there. All over his brain, tiny shutters were beginning to move, some sliding up till only a narrow crack remained, through which the beady little eyes of neurons could be seen peeping, some sliding down with faint crashes, revealing the agile, spidery forms of still other neurons scuttling for cover.
Altered thresholds, changing the yes-and-no reaction time of the memory-circuits, with their key emotional indices and associations … huh?
The robot!
Martin’s head swung toward the closed office door. But he made no further move. The look of blank panic on his face very slowly, quite unconsciously, began to change. The robot … could wait.
Automatically Martin raised his hand, as though to adjust an invisible monocle.
