Of human years—that half-way house—that rude
Hut, whence wise travellers drive with circumspection825
Life’s sad post-horses o’er the dreary frontier
Of Age, and looking back to Youth, give one tear;—
XXVIII
I won’t describe—that is, if I can help
Description; and I won’t reflect—that is,
If I can stave off thought, which—as a whelp
Clings to its teat—sticks to me through the abyss
Of this odd labyrinth; or as the kelp
Holds by the rock; or as a lover’s kiss
Drains its first draught of lips:—but, as I said,
I won’t philosophise, and will be read.
XXIX
Juan, instead of courting courts, was courted—
A thing which happens rarely: this he owed
Much to his youth, and much to his reported
Valour; much also to the blood he showed,
Like a race-horse; much to each dress he sported,
Which set the beauty off in which he glowed,
As purple clouds befringe the sun; but most
He owed to an old woman and his post.
XXX
He wrote to Spain;—and all his near relations,
Perceiving he was in a handsome way
Of getting on himself, and finding stations
For cousins also, answered the same day.
Several prepared themselves for emigrations;
And eating ices, were o’erheard to say,
That with the addition of a slight pelisse,
Madrid’s and Moscow’s climes were of a piece.
XXXI
His mother, Donna Inez, finding, too,
That in the lieu of drawing on his banker,
Where his assets were waxing rather few,
He had brought his spending to a handsome anchor—
Replied, “that she was glad to see him through
Those pleasures after which wild youth will hanker;
As the sole sign of Man’s being in his senses
Is—learning to reduce his past expenses.826
XXXII
“She also recommended him to God,
And no less to God’s Son, as well as Mother,
Warned him against Greek worship, which looks odd
In Catholic eyes; but told him, too, to smother
Outward dislike, which don’t look well abroad;
Informed him that he had a little brother
Born in a second wedlock; and above
All, praised the Empress’s maternal love.
XXXIII
“She could not too much give her approbation
Unto an Empress, who preferred young men
Whose age, and what was better still, whose nation
And climate, stopped all scandal (now and then);—
At home it might have given her some vexation;
But where thermometers sink down to ten,
Or five, or one, or zero, she could never
Believe that Virtue thawed before the river.”827
XXXIV
Oh for a forty-parson power828 to chant
Thy praise, Hypocrisy! Oh for a hymn
Loud as the virtues thou dost loudly vaunt,
Not practise! Oh for trump of Cherubim!
Or the ear-trumpet of my good old aunt,829
Who, though her spectacles at last grew dim,
Drew quiet consolation through its hint,
When she no more could read the pious print.
XXXV
She was no Hypocrite at least, poor soul,
But went to heaven in as sincere a way
As anybody on the elected roll,
Which portions out upon the Judgment Day
Heaven’s freeholds, in a sort of Doomsday scroll,
Such as the conqueror William did repay
His knights with, lotting others’ properties
Into some sixty thousand new knights’ fees.
XXXVI
I can’t complain, whose ancestors are there,
Erneis, Radulphus—eight-and-forty manors
(If that my memory doth not greatly err)
Were their reward for following Billy’s banners:830
And though I can’t help thinking ’twas scarce fair
To strip the Saxons of their hides831 like tanners;
Yet as they founded churches with the produce,
You’ll deem, no doubt, they put it to a good use.832
XXXVII
The gentle Juan flourished, though at times
He felt like other plants called sensitive,
Which shrink from touch, as Monarchs do from rhymes,
Save such as Southey can afford to give.
Perhaps he longed in bitter frosts for climes
In which the Neva’s ice would cease to live
Before May-day: perhaps, despite his duty,
In Royalty’s vast arms he sighed for Beauty:
XXXVIII
Perhaps—but, sans perhaps, we need not seek833
For causes young or old: the canker-worm
Will feed upon the fairest, freshest cheek,
As well as further drain the withered form:
Care, like a housekeeper, brings every week
His bills in, and however we may storm,
They must be paid: though six days smoothly run,
The seventh will bring blue devils or a dun.
XXXIX
I don’t know how it was, but he grew sick:
The Empress was alarmed, and her physician
(The same who physicked Peter) found the tick
Of his fierce pulse betoken a condition
Which augured of the dead, however quick
Itself, and showed a feverish disposition;
At which the whole Court was extremely troubled,
The Sovereign shocked, and all his medicines doubled.
XL
Low were the whispers, manifold the rumours:
Some said he had been poisoned by Potemkin;
Others talked learnedly of certain tumours,
Exhaustion, or disorders of the same kin;834
Some said ’twas a concoction of the humours,
Which with the blood too readily will claim kin:
Others again were ready to maintain,
“ ’Twas only the fatigue of last campaign.”
XLI
But here is one prescription out of many:
“Sodae sulphat. ʒvj. ʒfs. Mannae optim.
Aq. fervent. f. ℥ ifs. ʒij. tinct. Sennae
Haustus” (And here the surgeon came and cupped him)
“℞ Pulv. Com. gr. iij. Ipecacuanhae”
(With more beside if Juan had not stopped ’em).
“Bolus Potassae Sulphuret. sumendus,
Et haustus ter in die capiendus.”
XLII
This is the way physicians mend or end us,
Secundum artem: but although we sneer
In health—when ill, we call them to attend us,
Without the least propensity to jeer;
While that “hiatus maxime deflendus”
To be filled up by spade or mattock’s near,
Instead of gliding graciously down Lethe,
We tease mild Baillie,835 or soft Abernethy.
XLIII
Juan demurred at this first notice to
Quit; and though Death had threatened an ejection,
His youth and constitution bore him through,
And sent the doctors in a new direction.
But still his state
