Ulysses

sceptre strikes down poppies. The instantaneous deaths of many powerful enemies, graziers, members of parliament, members of standing committees, are reported. Bloom’s bodyguard distributes Maundy money, commemoration medals, loaves and fishes, temperance badges, expensive Henry Clay cigars, free cowbones for soup, rubber preservatives, in sealed envelopes tied with gold thread, butter scotch, pineapple rock, billets doux in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of toad in the hole, bottles of Jeyes’ Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days’ indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed pork sausages, theatre passes, season tickets available for all tram lines, coupons of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the World’s Twelve Worst Books: Froggy and Fritz (politic), Care of the Baby (infantilic), 50 Meals for 7/6 (culinic), Was Jesus a Sun Myth? (historic), Expel that Pain (medic), Infant’s Compendium of the Universe (cosmic), Let’s All Chortle (hilaric), Canvasser’s Vade Mecum (journalic), Loveletters of Mother Assistant (erotic), Who’s Who in Space (astric), Songs that Reached ’Our Heart (melodic), Pennywise’s Way to Wealth (parsimonic). A general rush and scramble. Women press forward to touch the hem of Bloom’s robe. The lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the throng, leaps on his horse and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation. A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. Babes and sucklings are held up. The Women Little father! Little father! The Babes and Sucklings

Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home,
Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.

Bloom, bending down, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the stomach. Baby Boardman Hiccups, curdled milk flowing from his mouth. Hajajaja. Bloom Shaking hands with a blind stripling. My more than Brother! Placing his arms round the shoulders of an old couple. Dear old friends! He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls. Peep! Bopeep! He wheels twins in a perambulator. Ticktacktwo wouldyousetashoe? He performs juggler’s tricks, draws red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his mouth. Roygbiv. 32 feet per second. He consoles a widow. Absence makes the heart grow younger. He dances the Highland fling with grotesque antics. Leg it, ye devils! He kisses the bedsores of a palsied veteran. Honourable wounds! He trips up a fat policeman. U. p: up. U. p: up. He whispers in the ear of a blushing waitress and laughs kindly. Ah, naughty, naughty! He eats a raw turnip offered him by Maurice Butterly, farmer. Fine! Splendid! He refuses to accept three shillings offered him by Joseph Hynes, journalist. My dear fellow, not at all! He gives his coat to a beggar. Please accept. He takes part in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples. Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls! The Citizen Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald muffler. May the good God bless him! The ram’s horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is hoisted. Bloom Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly. Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith. An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk. Jimmy Henry The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited. Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year 1 of the Paradisiacal Era. Paddy Leonard What am I to do about my rates and taxes? Bloom Pay them, my friend. Paddy Leonard Thank you. Nosey Flynn Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance? Bloom Obdurately. Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds. J. J. O’Molloy A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O’Brien! Nosey Flynn Where do I draw the five pounds? Pisser Burke For bladder trouble? Bloom

Acid. nit. hydrochlor dil, 20 minims
Tinct. mix. vom, 5 minims
Extr. taraxel. lig. 30 minims.
Aq. dis. ter in die.

Chris Callinan What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran? Bloom Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. 11. Joe Hynes Why aren’t you in uniform? Bloom When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours? Ben Dollard Pansies? Bloom Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens. Ben Dollard When twins arrive? Bloom Father (pater, dad) starts thinking. Larry O’Rourke An eight day licence for my new premises. You remember me, sir Leo, when you were in number seven. I’m sending around a dozen of stout for the missus. Bloom Coldly. You have the advantage of me. Lady Bloom accepts no presents. Crofton This is indeed a festivity. Bloom Solemnly. You call it a festivity. I call it a sacrament. Alexander Keyes When will we have our own house of keys? Bloom I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten commandments. New worlds for old. Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile. Three acres and a cow for all children of nature. Saloon motor hearses. Compulsory manual labour for all. All parks open to the public day and night. Electric dishscrubbers. Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease. General amnesty, weekly carnival, with masked licence, bonuses for all, esperanto the universal brotherhood. No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors. Free money, free love and a free lay church in a free lay state. O’Madden Burke Free fox in a free henroost. Davy Byrne Yawning. Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach! Bloom Mixed races and mixed marriage. Lenehan What about mixed bathing? Bloom explains to those near him his schemes for social regeneration. All agree with him. The keeper of the Kildare Street museum appears, dragging a lorry on which are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Callipyge, Venus Pandemos, Venus Metempsychosis, and plaster figures, also