Candida

epub:type="z3998:persona">Proserpine Never mind why. It will do you good to earn your supper before you eat it, for once in a way, as I do. Come: don’t dawdle. You should have been off on your rounds half an hour ago. Lexy Perplexed. Is she in earnest, Morell? Morell In the highest spirits⁠—his eyes dancing. Yes. I am going to dawdle today. Lexy You! You don’t know how. Morell Heartily. Ha! ha! Don’t I? I’m going to have this day all to myself⁠—or at least the forenoon. My wife’s coming back: she’s due here at 11.45. Lexy Surprised. Coming back already⁠—with the children? I thought they were to stay to the end of the month. Morell So they are: she’s only coming up for two days, to get some flannel things for Jimmy, and to see how we’re getting on without her. Lexy Anxiously. But, my dear Morell, if what Jimmy and Fluffy had was scarlatina, do you think it wise⁠— Morell Scarlatina!⁠—rubbish, German measles. I brought it into the house myself from the Pycroft Street School. A parson is like a doctor, my boy: he must face infection as a soldier must face bullets. He rises and claps Lexy on the shoulder. Catch the measles if you can, Lexy: she’ll nurse you; and what a piece of luck that will be for you!⁠—eh? Lexy Smiling uneasily. It’s so hard to understand you about Mrs. Morell⁠— Morell Tenderly. Ah, my boy, get married⁠—get married to a good woman; and then you’ll understand. That’s a foretaste of what will be best in the Kingdom of Heaven we are trying to establish on earth. That will cure you of dawdling. An honest man feels that he must pay Heaven for every hour of happiness with a good spell of hard, unselfish work to make others happy. We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. Get a wife like my Candida; and you’ll always be in arrear with your repayment. He pats Lexy affectionately on the back, and is leaving the room when Lexy calls to him. Lexy Oh, wait a bit: I forgot. Morell halts and turns with the door knob in his hand. Your father-in-law is coming round to see you. Morell shuts the door again, with a complete change of manner. Morell Surprised and not pleased. Mr. Burgess? Lexy Yes. I passed him in the park, arguing with somebody. He gave me good day and asked me to let you know that he was coming. Morell Half incredulous. But he hasn’t called here for⁠—I may almost say for years. Are you sure, Lexy? You’re not joking, are you? Lexy Earnestly. No, sir, really. Morell Thoughtfully. Hm! Time for him to take another look at Candida before she grows out of his knowledge. He resigns himself to the inevitable, and goes out. Lexy looks after him with beaming, foolish worship. Lexy What a good man! What a thorough, loving soul he is! He takes Morell’s place at the table, making himself very comfortable as he takes out a cigarette. Proserpine Impatiently, pulling the letter she has been working at off the typewriter and folding it. Oh, a man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her. Lexy Shocked. Oh, Miss Prossy! Proserpine Rising busily and coming to the stationery case to get an envelope, in which she encloses the letter as she speaks. Candida here, and Candida there, and Candida everywhere! She licks the envelope. It’s enough to drive anyone out of their senses thumping the envelope to make it stick to hear a perfectly commonplace woman raved about in that absurd manner merely because she’s got good hair, and a tolerable figure. Lexy With reproachful gravity. I think her extremely beautiful, Miss Garnett. He takes the photograph up; looks at it; and adds, with even greater impressiveness: Extremely beautiful. How fine her eyes are! Proserpine Her eyes are not a bit better than mine⁠—now! He puts down the photograph and stares austerely at her. And you know very well that you think me dowdy and second rate enough. Lexy Rising majestically. Heaven forbid that I should think of any of God’s creatures in such a way! He moves stiffly away from her across the room to the neighbourhood of the bookcase. Proserpine Thank you. That’s very nice and comforting. Lexy Saddened by her depravity. I had no idea you had any feeling against Mrs. Morell. Proserpine Indignantly. I have no feeling against her. She’s very nice, very good-hearted: I’m very fond of her and can appreciate her real qualities far better than any man can. He shakes his head sadly and turns to the bookcase, looking along the shelves for a volume. She follows him with intense pepperiness. You don’t believe me? He turns and faces her. She pounces at him with spitfire energy. You think I’m jealous. Oh, what a profound knowledge of the human heart you have, Mr. Lexy Mill! How well you know the weaknesses of Woman, don’t you? It must be so nice to be a man and have a fine penetrating intellect instead of mere emotions like us, and to know that the reason we don’t share your amorous delusions is that we’re all jealous of one another! She abandons him with a toss of her shoulders, and crosses to the fire to warm her hands. Lexy Ah, if you women only had the same clue to Man’s strength that you have to his weakness, Miss Prossy, there would be no Woman Question. Proserpine Over her shoulder, as she stoops, holding her hands to the blaze. Where did you hear Morell say that? You didn’t invent it yourself: you’re not clever enough. Lexy That’s quite true. I am not ashamed of owing him that, as I owe him so many other spiritual truths. He said it