“Good day, Mr. Silk,” he said, shaking hands with me after the introductions. “I see you’re heeled; you’re smart. You wouldn’t be here today if poor Silas Cumshaw’d been as smart as you are. Great man, though; a wise and farseeing statesman. He and I were real friends.”
“You know who Mr. Silk brought with him as bodyguard?” Palme asked. “Hoddy Ringo!”
“Oh, my God! I thought this planet was rid of him!” The President turned to me. “You got a good trigger-man, though, Mr. Ambassador. Good man to watch your back for you. But lot of folks here won’t thank you for bringing him back to New Texas.”
He looked at his watch. “We have time for a little drink, before we go outside, Mr. Silk,” he said. “Care to join me?”
I assented and he got a bottle of superbourbon out of his desk, with four glasses. Palme got some water tumblers and brought the pitcher of ice-water from the cooler.
I noticed that the New Texas Secretary of State filled his three-ounce liquor glass to the top and gulped it down at once. He might act as though he were descended from a long line of maiden aunts, but he took his liquor in blasts that would have floored a spaceport labor-boss.
We had another drink, a little slower, and chatted for a while, and then Hutchinson said, regretfully that we’d have to go outside and meet the folks. Outside, our guards—Hoddy, the two Marines, the Rangers who had escorted us from Palme’s office, and Hutchinson’s retinue—surrounded us, and we made our way down the plaza, through the crowd. The din—ear-piercing yells, whistles, cowbells, pistol shots, the cacophony of the two dance-bands, and the chorus-singing, of which I caught only the words: The skies of freedom are above you!
—was as bad as New Year’s Eve in Manhattan or Nairobi or New Moscow, on Terra.
“Don’t take all this as a personal tribute, Mr. Silk!” Hutchinson screamed into my ear. “On this planet, to paraphrase Nietzsche, a good barbecue halloweth any cause!”
That surprised me, at the moment. Later I found out that John Hutchinson was one of the leading scholars on New Texas and had once been president of one of their universities. New Texas Christian, I believe.
As we got up onto the platform, close enough to the barbecue pits to feel the heat from them, somebody let off what sounded like a fifty-mm antitank gun five or six times. Hutchinson grabbed a microphone and bellowed into it: “Ladies and gentlemen! Your attention, please!”
The noise began to diminish, slowly, until I could hear one voice, in the crowd below:
“Shut up, you damn fools! We can’t eat till this is over!”
Hutchinson introduced me, in very few words. I gathered that lengthy speeches at barbecues were not popular on New Texas.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” I yelled into the microphone. “Appreciative as I am of this honor, there is one here who is more deserving of your notice than I; one to whom I, also, pay homage. He’s over there on the fire, and I want a slice of him as soon as possible!”
That got a big ovation. There was, beside the water pitcher, a bottle of superbourbon. I ostentatiously threw the water out of the glass, poured a big shot of the corrosive stuff, and downed it.
“For God’s sake, let’s eat!” I finished. Then I turned to Thrombley, who was looking like a priest who has just seen the bishop spit in the holy-water font. “Stick close to me,” I whispered. “Cue me in on the local notables, and the other members of the Diplomatic Corps.” Then we all got down off the platform, and a band climbed up and began playing one of those raucous “cowboy ballads” which had originated in Manhattan about the middle of the Twentieth Century.
“The sandwiches’ll be here in a moment, Mr. Ambassador,” Hutchinson screamed—in effect, whispered—in my ear. “Don’t feel any reluctance about shaking hands with a sandwich in your other hand; that’s standard practice, here. You struck just the right note, up there. That business with the liquor was positively inspired!”
The sandwiches—huge masses of meat and hot relish, wrapped in tortillas of some sort—arrived and I bit into one.
I’d been eating supercow all my life, frozen or electron-beamed for transportation, and now I was discovering that I had never really eaten supercow before. I finished the first sandwich in surprisingly short order and was starting on my second when the crowd began coming.
First, the Diplomatic Corps, the usual collection of weirdies, human and otherwise. …
There was the Ambassador from Tara, in a suit of what his planet produced as a substitute for Irish homespuns. His Embassy, if it was like the others I had seen elsewhere, would be an outsize cottage with whitewashed walls and a thatched roof, with a bowl of milk outside the door for the Little People. …
The Ambassador from Alpheratz II, the South African Nationalist planet, with a full beard, and old fashioned plug hat and tailcoat. They were a frustrated lot. They had gone into space to practice apartheid and had settled on a planet where there was no other intelligent race to be superior to. …
The Mormon Ambassador from Deseret—Delta Camelopardalis V. …
The Ambassador from Spica VII, a short jolly-looking little fellow, with a head like a seal’s, long arms, short legs and a tail like a kangaroo’s. …
The Ambassador from Beta Cephus VI, who could have passed for human if he hadn’t had blood with a copper base instead of iron. His skin was a dark green and his hair was a bright blue. …
I was beginning to correct my first impression that Thrombley was a complete dithering fool. He stood at my left elbow, whispering the names and governments and home planets of the Ambassadors as they came up, handing me little slips of paper on which he had written phonetically correct
