“I have felt most awfully down all day,” he said; “and just after receiving this splendid account from Daisy, I can’t think what is the matter.”
He poured himself out some whisky and soda as he spoke.
“Oh, touch of liver,” I said. “I shouldn’t drink that if I were you. Give it me instead.”
“I was never better in my life,” he said.
I was opening letters, as we talked, and came across one from the house agent, which, with trembling eagerness I read.
“Hurrah,” I cried, “offer of five guas—why can’t he write it in proper English—five guineas a week till Easter for number 31. We shall roll in guineas!”
“Oh, but I can’t stop here till Easter,” he said.
“I don’t see why not. Nor by the way does Daisy. I heard from her this morning, and she told me to persuade you to stop. That’s to say, if you like. It really is more cheerful for you here. I forgot, you were telling me something.”
The glorious news about the weekly guineas did not cheer him up in the least.
“Thanks awfully. Of course I’ll stop.”
He moved up and down the room once or twice.
“No, it’s not me that is wrong,” he said, “it’s It, whatever It is. The terror by night.”
“Which you are commanded not to be afraid of,” I remarked.
“I know: it’s easy commanding. I’m frightened: something’s coming.”
“Five guineas a week are coming,” I said. “I shan’t sit up and be infected by your fears. All that matters, Davos, is going as well as it can. What was the last report? Incredibly better. Take that to bed with you.”
The infection—if infection it was—did not take hold of me then, for I remember going to sleep feeling quite cheerful, but I awoke in some dark still hour and It, the terror by night, had come while I slept. Fear and misgiving, blind, unreasonable, and paralysing, had taken and gripped me. What was it? Just as by an aneroid we can foretell the approach of storm, so by this sinking of the spirit, unlike anything I had ever felt before, I felt sure that disaster of some sort was presaged.
Jack saw it at once when we met at breakfast next morning, in the brown haggard light of a foggy day, not dark enough for candles, but dismal beyond all telling.
“So it has come to you too,” he said.
And I had not even the fighting-power left to tell him that I was merely slightly unwell. Besides, never in my life had I felt better.
All next day, all the day after that fear lay like a black cloak over my mind; I did not know what I dreaded, but it was something very acute, something that was very near. It was coming nearer every moment, spreading like a pall of clouds over the sky; but on the third day, after miserably cowering under it, I suppose some sort of courage came back to me: either this was pure imagination, some trick of disordered nerves or whatnot, in which case we were both “disquieting ourselves in vain,” or from the immeasurable waves of emotion that beat upon the minds of men, something within both of us had caught a current, a pressure. In either case it was infinitely better to try, however ineffectively, to stand up against it. For these two days I had neither worked nor played; I had only shrunk and shuddered; I planned for myself a busy day, with diversion for us both in the evening.
“We will dine early,” I said, “and go to the Man from Blankley’s. I have already asked Philip to come, and he is coming, and I have telephoned for tickets. Dinner at seven.”
Philip, I may remark, is an old friend of ours, neighbour in this street, and by profession a much-respected doctor.
Jack laid down his paper.
“Yes, I expect you’re right,” he said. “It’s no use doing nothing, it doesn’t help things. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, beautifully,” I said rather snappishly, for I was all on edge with the added burden of an almost sleepless night.
“I wish I had,” said he.
This would not do at all.
“We have got to play up!” I said. “Here are we two strong and stalwart persons, with as much cause for satisfaction with life as any you can mention, letting ourselves behave like worms. Our fear may be over things imaginary or over things that are real, but it is the fact of being afraid that is so despicable. There is nothing in the world to fear except fear. You know that as well as I do. Now let’s read our papers with interest. Which do you back, Mr. Druce, or the Duke of Portland, or the Times Book Club?”
That day, therefore, passed very busily for me; and there were enough events moving in front of that black background, which I was conscious was there all the time, to enable me to keep my eyes away from it, and I was detained rather late at the office, and had to drive back to Chelsea, in order to be in time to dress for dinner, instead of walking back as I had intended.
Then the message, which for these three days, had been twittering in our minds, the receivers, just making them quiver and rattle came through.
I found Jack already dressed, since it was within a minute or two of seven when I got in, and sitting in the drawing-room. The day had been warm and muggy, but when I looked in on the way up to my room, it seemed to me to have grown suddenly and bitterly cold, not with the dampness of English frost, but with the clear and stinging exhilaration of such days as we had recently spent in Switzerland. Fire was laid in the grate but not lit, and I went down on my knees on the hearthrug to light it.
“Why, it’s freezing in here,” I
