Felix felt that the sooner he rushed into the middle of the subject which brought him there, the better it would be for all parties. That the two ladies were not very happy together was evident, and then he made a little comparison between Madeline and Mary. Was it really the case that for the last three years he had contemplated making that poor child his wife? Would it not be better for him to tie a millstone round his neck and cast himself into the sea? That was now his thought respecting Mary Snow.
“Mrs. Thomas,” he said, “I should like to speak to Mary alone for a few minutes if you could allow it.”
“Oh certainly; by all means. It will be quite proper.” And gathering up a bundle of the unfortunate stockings she took herself out of the room.
Mary, as soon as Graham had spoken, became almost pale, and sat perfectly still with her eyes fixed on her betrothed husband. While Mrs. Thomas was there she was prepared for war and her spirit was hot within her, but all that heat fled in a moment when she found herself alone with the man to whom it belonged to speak her doom. He had almost said that he would forgive her, but yet she had a feeling that that had been done which could not altogether be forgiven. If he asked her whether she loved the hero of the lamppost what would she say? Had he asked her whether she loved him, Felix Graham, she would have sworn that she did, and have thought that she was swearing truly; but in answer to that other question if it were asked, she felt that her answer must be false. She had no idea of giving up Felix of her own accord, if he were still willing to take her. She did not even wish that he would not take her. It had been the lesson of her life that she was to be his wife, and, by becoming so, provide for herself and for her wretched father. Nevertheless a dream of something different from that had come across her young heart, and the dream had been so pleasant! How painfully, but yet with what a rapture, had her heart palpitated as she stood for those ten wicked minutes beneath the lamppost!
“Mary,” said Felix, as soon as they were alone—and as he spoke he came up to her and took her hand, “I trust that I may never be the cause to you of any unhappiness;—that I may never be the means of making you sad.”
“Oh, Mr. Graham, I am sure that you never will. It is I that have been bad to you.”
“No, Mary, I do not think you have been bad at all. I should have been sorry that that had happened, and that I should not have known it.”
“I suppose she was right to tell, only—” In truth Mary did not at all understand what might be the nature of Graham’s thoughts and feelings on such a subject. She had a strong woman’s idea that the man whom she ought to love would not be gratified by her meeting another man at a private assignation, especially when that other man had written to her a love-letter; but she did not at all know how far such a sin might be regarded as pardonable according to the rules of the world recognised on such subjects. At first, when the letters were discovered and the copies of them sent off to Noningsby, she thought that all was over. According to her ideas, as existing at that moment, the crime was conceived to be one admitting of no pardon; and in the hours spent under that conviction all her consolation came from the feeling that there was still one who regarded her as an angel of light. But then she had received Graham’s letter, and as she began to understand that pardon was possible, that other consolation waxed feeble and dim. If Felix Graham chose to take her, of course she was there for him to take. It never for a moment occurred to her that she could rebel against such taking, even though she did shine as an angel of light to one dear pair of eyes.
“I suppose she was right to tell you, only—”
“Do not think, Mary, that I am going to scold you, or even that I am angry with you.”
“Oh, but I know you must be angry.”
“Indeed I am not. If I pledge myself to tell you the truth in everything, will you be equally frank with me?”
“Yes,” said Mary. But it was much easier for Felix to tell the truth than for Mary to be frank. I believe that schoolmasters often tell fibs to schoolboys, although it would be so easy for them to tell the truth. But how difficult it is for the schoolboy always to tell the truth to his master! Mary Snow was now as a schoolboy before her tutor, and it may almost be said that the telling of the truth was to her impossible. But of course she made the promise. Who ever said that she would not tell the truth when so asked?
“Have you ever thought, Mary, that you and I would not make each other happy if we were married?”
“No; I have never thought that,” said Mary innocently. She meant to say exactly that which she thought Graham would wish her to say, but she was slow in following his lead.
“It has never occurred to you that though we might love each other very warmly as friends—and so I am sure we always shall—yet we might not suit each other in all respects as man and wife?”
“I mean to do the very best I can; that is, if—if—if you are not too much offended with me now.”
“But, Mary, it should not be a question of doing the best you can. Between man and wife there should
